Dreams and Fears Go Hand-In-Hand for the Pearsons on 'This Is Us'
For the past two seasons, This Is Us has built its foundation on the role grief plays in the everyday lives of the Big Three. But on tonight’s episode, aptly titled “Katie Girls,” the show digs a little deeper, exploring how each sibling's dreams and ambitions have been bolstered-or hampered-by Jack's influence on their lives.
Twenty-something Rebecca planned to live a bold, feminist life-and then she met Jack.
We’ve spent so much time with mama Rebecca that we’ve neglected who the woman was before the Big Three came along. We get to see that in this episode, as flashbacks illuminate her as a budding singer eager to get her big break in Los Angeles. But that means railing against her traditional upbringing, which taught her to depend on a man and never overshadow him. Fearing this destiny, Rebecca ditches home ec class in high school to saw tables in half with the fellas across the hall in carpentry class. She's not great at it, but she's determined to live her life outside the realms of expectations.
She’s well on her way to hopping a flight from Pittsburgh to the City of Angels when her old boyfriend-the mystery man Jack saw her kissing on her stoop last week-reappears in her life, professing his undying love for her. He seems like he’ll give her the moon and stars, though on his terms, because he convinces her New York City is the best place for singers to make their mark, and they should live there together. He talks such a good game she considers his offer. He’s a great guy, his mom (also an independent woman like her) admires her, and he even volunteers to cook-no strings attached, except that he’s making all the plans for her.
Rebecca later bumps into a jilted Jack at the liquor store and decides there’s something about him that attracts her, and she needs to give him a chance. He doesn’t promise bells and whistles or anything she had waiting for her with the other guy in New York. Instead, he’s a simple guy who has a thing for her and doesn’t mind doing the dishes. Her life would be far less glitzy with Jack, but when she asks him to take an impromptu road trip to Los Angeles while he's scrubbing pans in the sink, he says yes with no hesitation.
This is an interesting tidbit because we know Rebecca doesn’t end up in L.A., and it was revealed last season that she and Jack were at odds when she tried to rekindle her singing career after the triplets were born (this was also hampered by his drinking). So, I wonder whether she carries any regret-not about becoming a mom and a wife, but for not fulfilling her dreams. Did her love for Jack really trump her own ambition, or was he just easier?
Jack’s dream was to live the happy, normal life he didn’t have as a child.
We see a little more of Jack’s home life in this episode, which as we know from seasons past was not great. His dad was a drunk who abused his mother; in this episode, he throws food at her and tells her to clean it up. He also blames Jack for the death of his brother in the war. Jack, likely spurred by his own guilt about his brother, can no longer tolerate his father. He demands his mom pack her stuff-they'll move out together, right then and there. Jack doesn't have a job or a real plan; he just wants them out of that house. Jack’s ambitions don't extend much farther than the short term. He doesn't really have a 20-year goal. I guess after seeing a war with his own eyes, the future doesn't seem like a guarantee.
When Jack meets Rebecca, she's the happy, budding star, and though his light is dimmed, she gives him hope. She gives him the possibility of a happy life, the one thing he's always wanted. When they become parents, he wants his children to have the happiness he never had at their age. Everything he did for them was an attempt to make up for his own childhood, from ice cream dates with Kate to cheering in the stands at Kevin’s football games to visiting colleges with Randall. He gave them everything they could have wanted and needed-perhaps to a fault. This is what ultimately shaped their perception of him as a perfect being, because he lived only for them. They have him a reason for existing after he lost everything in the war.
Randall dreams of being the superhero Jack was to him-and his greatest fear is failing at that.
Kate went completely off the handle last week and lashed out at Kevin, claiming she was the only one of the siblings who could “pass on a piece of Dad.” When Randall found out, I just knew he would call her out on that right after Kevin’s premiere ended, because, first of all, WTF? And secondly, someone like him can't-and shouldn’t-let that fester. Their confrontation leads to Kate indirectly adoption-shaming Randall when his wife Beth can have children, and him, in turn, accusing her of risking her life just to prove that she can give Jack real grandkids. It's ugly.
In an attempt to make it up to Kate, and apologize in person, Randall hops on a plane to be with her for her egg retrieval procedure in L.A. But just minutes after the two make up, Randall receives a call from Deja that her friend from the rec center was jumped on the street and is in the hospital. Randall flies back across the country and goes straight to the hospital to comfort Deja’s friend and her mom, Dorothea. When Randall realizes the girl was attacked because of crime rates in the neighborhood, he makes it his mission to fix the issues the councilman refuses to change by running against said councilman.
Just like with Jack, Randall has designated himself a fixer, someone who is there to make everyone else’s lives easier at the expense of his own well-being. Even Kate points out that Randall is more like Jack than she and Kevin combined. But the question is, how will Randall reconcile that with his ongoing identity and anxiety issues? And how much of that has been influenced by what he thought was his role after Jack died? We already know Randall puts a lot of pressure on himself. If he's unable to fulfill these expectations, how will he react?
Plus, it should be noted that Beth shockingly lost her job, despite being the hardest worker on her staff. She finally tells him this in one of the final scenes of the episode, bringing a halt to his political plans. Can he still be the provider he expects himself to be without succumbing to the pressure?
Kate dreams of living the life she thinks Jack always wanted for her, and a confrontation with her younger selves reminds her what that actually was.
It’s time to be very honest about something: Kate's been dealing with unhappiness long before Jack died. This Is Us has so far dodged the real issue, instead centering-arguably far too much-on her weight issues. As we've seen through flashbacks, Kate was bitter with her mom because she thought every time she insinuated something about her weight, it meant that Rebecca wanted to fix her-that she was somehow less perfect than her dad always made her believe. And with her dad gone, Kate had no one to turn to for reassurance, since Kevin was spiraling and Randall was college-bound. Kate inexplicably chooses not to go to college, though we know from previous episodes that she ends up working with Kevin for a while. It remains unclear why Kate didn’t submit her second singing audition tape for her Berklee College of Music application. This leaves her with very little sense of purpose, which likely contributes to her feelings of unhappiness and frustration. But as she’s gotten older, and has since gone to grief therapy, she has apparently determined that one way to find fulfillment is to get closer to Jack by building the life she thinks he always wanted her to have-complete with a husband who loves her and a biological child, no matter the cost. As always with Kate, she assumes bringing things into her life can help remedy the emptiness she feels inside.
But as she’s under anesthesia for surgery, Kate has a difficult confrontation with her younger selves in an eye-opening dream sequence. He child and teenage selves help her realize how steeped she was in negativity as a teen-and remains to this day. She’s lashed out so much that she’s alienated her brothers and mother, and it's only when she's forced to actually listen herself through the two young Kates that she makes an active decision to be happy. That, after all, was the only thing that Jack truly wanted for her. And it seems like now, she finally sees that and is working towards it. A bonus: she wakes up from her procedure to learn she had eight viable eggs. Things seem to finally be panning out for Kate.
Kevin longs to be closer to Jack and realizes he never really knew who his father was. He's more determined than ever to find out.
As hard as this is for me to say, I think out of the three Pearson siblings, Kevin is the one on the fastest track to rebuilding his sense of identity post-Jack. (He’s also the one who’s most recently been in therapy, and it shows.) Kevin's trying to create a healthy relationship with Zoe. His career seems to be taking off. And he's finally able to talk about his dad. The trouble is, he doesn’t know what to say about him. In an intimate interview with NPR’s Terry Gross, she asks him how Jack’s experiences at war inspired the way he approached his role the Ron Howard movie. Kevin starts to answer but realizes he doesn't have anything to say. He doesn't know anything about Jack’s time at war because he didn't ask the important questions while his dad was still alive.
Though Jack suppressed what happened to him and his brother in Vietnam, we see a flashback to Kevin as a child in a store when Jack scolds him for playing with a war-themed airplane. Jack later apologizes to Kevin for scolding him, explaining that his time at war was not a game and he doesn’t want Kevin to treat it as such. Jack asks Kevin if he has any questions about Vietnam, and young Kevin says no. In the present, adult Kevin expresses regret at not taking the opportunity to learn more. Kevin decides to fill in the gaps in information about Jack's time in Vietnam. Using photos from Rebecca, he and Zoe set out to piece together Jack's time in the war, starting with emails to Jack's former comrades. This will not only help complete Jack’s storyline, but also help Kevin on his road to closure.
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