Dr. Ronsisvalle: Think it's OK to let your teen drink and smoke pot? Think again. It's not

It was a packed room, nearly a hundred parents gathered for a parenting workshop hosted by LiveWell clinics in Brevard County, Florida.

A spontaneous question sparked a lively debate as I delved into the discussion on navigating adolescent culture and fostering healthy parenting.

“Should we allow our high school-aged children to drink with their friends while in our home?”

Expecting this to be a quick exchange, I responded by saying: “The common clinical wisdom suggests it is best to create strong boundaries with your kids surrounding the use of alcohol. The first boundary is that they will not drink in your home.”

But then, a voice from the back interjected: “In my culture, it’s normal for teens to drink. I freely let my kids do this and we have never had a problem. The notion that we should not allow this is narrow-minded.” he declared boldly.

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Suddenly, the room buzzed with differing perspectives, and my presentation became much more interesting.

This father’s comment sparked a healthy dialogue among the participants. It provided an opportunity to delve deeper into strategies for safeguarding our children from the pitfalls of substance use and nurturing their healthy brain development.

Before diving into the specifics of my stance, I need to clarify my intent. I don’t aim to criticize or belittle anyone’s parenting choices. Parenting in today’s world is undeniably complex, and I do not stand in judgment of decisions made with good intentions.

However, my objective is to align with scientific evidence and promote practices grounded in research. I believe in equipping parents with tools — a roadmap — to help guide their children through this cultural landscape in a manner that prioritizes their well-being.

With this understanding, let’s explore the strategies I advocate for in fostering this healthy environment for our kids.

1. Draw boundaries based on the facts about drugs and alcohol.

In today’s adolescent culture, many parents are confused and uncertain about how to address drug and alcohol use among their teens.

I’m inserting drugs into this conversation because of the explosion in the chronic use of marijuana by adolescents.

Marijuana’s prevalence, particularly through vaporized forms like carts, has introduced new challenges.

While data on adolescent marijuana use is mixed, the discreet nature of carts allows for consistent, all-day smoking without the distinctive, telltale smell of traditional joints.

Anecdotally, at our LiveWell clinics, we have seen a significant uptick in the number of kids who “wake and bake” and smoke consistently all day, every day.

Let’s agree on the facts: both alcohol and marijuana impact the developing adolescent brain.

Marijuana can disrupt normal brain development, affecting learning, memory, coordination, reaction time and judgment.

Similarly, the earlier children start drinking, the more likely they are to experience problems with cognitive function, memory and school performance, with measurable impacts persisting well into adulthood.

We should also consider the stark link between substance use and mental health disorders like depression, anxiety, bipolar and even suicidality, alongside the serious risk of developing a substance use disorder.

At LiveWell, we’ve witnessed firsthand the repercussions of teens who have a full-blown addiction. We have developed an intensive outpatient program where we treat kids for up to nine hours a week to help them deal with the problems created by chronic use.

Some may argue that experimentation is a natural part of adolescence.

Like the father at my parenting seminar said, “Kids will be kids and they are going to drink and smoke weed.”

But given the risks, such an attitude feels trite and insufficient. If we truly want our teenagers to live their best lives, we need to prioritize strategies that minimize harm both now and in the future.

Early intervention is paramount. Research underscores the importance of preventing substance use during adolescence, as those who navigate high school without developing a substance use disorder are less likely to struggle later in life.

Every year of delayed substance use between ages 13 and 21 reduces the risk of addiction in adulthood by 4 to 5%.

As a community, we must present a united front to our children, conveying a clear message: while we understand the challenges they face, we love them too much to make it easy and won’t facilitate access to substances.

Our love for them should compel us to establish firm boundaries, safeguarding their cognitive function, mental well-being, and future from the dangers of substance abuse.

2. Focus on the protective factors that make adolescent drug and alcohol use less likely.

While some parents truly believe that preventing adolescents from using substances is impossible, research tells a different story.

A strong body of evidence indicates that specific parenting techniques and strategies can significantly reduce the likelihood of teen drug and alcohol involvement.

These techniques, termed “protective factors,” are essential for any parent seeking to shield their child from the turmoil associated with chronic substance use.

By intentionally integrating these protective factors into family life, parents can provide their children with the tools and support needed to navigate adolescence safely.

3. A strong connection to school.

Children must tackle challenging tasks and learn mastery; this is essentially how they build self-esteem in a brain that is just beginning to develop a self-identity.

School provides an ideal platform for this journey. Whether through academic pursuits, sports or extracurricular activities, strong bonding with school consistently serves as a protective shield against substance use.

On a basic level, this is true simply because to excel in school or a sport requires a time investment and limited opportunities for substance-related trouble.

Perhaps more importantly, though, it’s the self-esteem fostered by a sense of achievement — whether as, for example, a “good student,” “talented athlete,” or “gifted musician” — that ultimately protects against substance use.

Some parents may resist the notion of pushing their children toward academic or extracurricular involvement because they believe it’s inappropriate or an imposition.

However, I disagree.

As parents, we don’t need to control or dictate our children’s specific decisions, but we can, and should, set general boundaries about our expectations.

For instance, while it’s inappropriate to force a child to play a specific sport, it’s entirely reasonable to expect involvement in at least one or two extracurricular activities or sports after school.

Whether they pick basketball, student government or playing a musical instrument, the key is commitment, dedication and time investment in activities that foster a connection to the academic environment.

By setting such boundaries, we empower our children to cultivate skills, resilience and self-esteem, ultimately shielding them from the allure of substance use.

4. Frequent parental monitoring.

The concern over “over-monitoring” or “over-controlling” teenagers is a common one among parents at our clinics.

Many feel as if they are being perceived as intrusive or overbearing when they ask their teenagers to check in on their whereabouts or social activities.

However, research supports the idea that kids actually thrive with accountability. Monitoring where teens are, who they are with and what they are doing is one of the most powerful protective factors against substance use.

While teens need to build independence, this must be balanced with appropriate supervision, clear boundaries and consistent consequences when those boundaries are crossed.

Here are some specific actions we should feel empowered to take:

• Know your child’s schedule and where they are.

• Regularly call your child to check-in.

• Make it normal for your child to call you to check-in.

• Be aware of your child’s social circle. Invite their friends to your home so you can build relationships and ultimately help identify negative influences.

• Maintain healthy communication with other adults involved in your child’s life. This includes coaches and parents of your child’s friends.

• The development of healthy coping skills.

At LiveWell, we’ve noticed certain patterns in adolescents who transition from casual or occasional substance use to consistent misuse.

One of the most prominent themes is a severe lack of emotional coping skills. When adolescents lack a sense of mastery or competence, they often experience feelings of inadequacy, social anxiety and insecurity.

In such instances, drugs and alcohol can seem like a quick fix — a form of “liquid courage” that temporarily alleviates these negative emotions.

Developing healthy emotional coping skills is an incredibly important protective factor that keeps kids from turning to substances.

As parents, one of our primary objectives should be to teach our teenagers how to navigate negative emotions such as insecurity and uncertainty.

We all remember the intense scrutiny and self-consciousness of adolescence — when walking into a room and feeling like every eye was on you examining the clothes you wore, the way you combed your hair, judging every single move.

It’s our responsibility to equip our children with the resilience and determination to confront these challenges head-on and expect positive outcomes from life.

Failure to address these natural insecurities leaves adolescents vulnerable to seeking solace in a few drinks or a hit from a marijuana cart.

By instilling robust emotional coping skills, we empower our children to face life’s uncertainties with strength and optimism, reducing their reliance on substances for temporary relief.

5. Clearly define the family rules.

One of the most effective protective factors you can provide for your children is to establish family rules.

Make it a priority to frequently communicate your family values and the principles you uphold in life.

Take every opportunity to reinforce these values by saying things like, “In our family, we prioritize character and integrity. We don’t compromise our principles and take the easy way out, we abide by the law, we work hard and strive for excellence in all we do.”

However, the real challenge lies in not just stating these rules, but also living by them consistently. We can’t expect our children to navigate the complexities of drugs and alcohol with character and integrity if we don’t exemplify these traits ourselves.

We must set a positive example by modeling healthy behaviors clearly and consistently and making good choices.

By demonstrating what healthy living looks like within our family, we create a framework for our children to follow and uphold.

6. Don’t wait to get your teenager into a healthy therapeutic environment.

One of the most common mistakes I observe parents making is waiting too long before seeking help for their teenagers’ struggles with drugs and alcohol.

Remember, every year a child spends tangled up in addiction only reinforces those neural pathways linked to substance reliance. So early intervention is essential.

If you suspect your child is struggling, I urge you to seek help promptly.

As I mentioned earlier, we’ve developed specialized programs designed to break the patterns of drugs and alcohol quickly.

We work closely with families to establish clear family rules and provide the necessary support and monitoring to safeguard teenagers moving forward.

In addition to teaching scientifically proven coping skills that help kids learn how to deal with the negative emotions that bombard them daily, we help them build a deep sense of confidence and self-esteem.

This empowers them to confidently reject drugs and alcohol, connect in authentic ways with their peers and build a plan for the future.

If your child is wrestling with substance use or if you know someone in need of assistance, please don’t hesitate to reach out. Our team at LiveWell is dedicated to helping you devise a plan that will ensure your children are protected and buffered from the harmful effects of substance abuse.

Dr. Mike Ronsisvalle is a Licensed Psychologist and the President of LiveWell Behavioral Health, a psychological services agency that provides counseling to clients of all ages and addictions treatment to adolescents and adults. You can find him at www.LiveWellbehavioralhealth.com or call 321-259-1662.

This article originally appeared on Florida Today: Teens needs healthy environment, not supervised drug, alcohol use | Ronsisvalle