Don't Call Me Trashy For Ordering A Frozen Margarita
Six years post-college, I like to think my eating habits have matured. I cook fish now. My dinners consist of more than just pasta. I wake up early enough to make smoothies for breakfast before work.
But history might tell a different story.
Six years post-college, I've also been known to feast on a $2 hot dog from a street cart - once, just five minutes after a (bad) date dropped $100 on overpriced drinks. I refuse to admit there's a better way to eat peanut butter than straight from the jar. And, apparently, 21-year-old sorority girls and I like to get a buzz on in the same way. Because if you offer me a margarita frozen or on the rocks, Imma choose that boozy, super-slurpable slushy 10 times out of 10.
Does that make me a terrible, trashy, know-nothing fool? No. Does it make me a bit of lush? Sure, I'll give you that - but that's all I'm conceding.
Riddle me this: When did frozen margaritas become Public Enemy Number One? Listen, I get that they're a pain in the ass to make on command - and I would never ask for one at the counter of a busy bar, unless they're dispensed from the sweet, sweet tap of a margarita machine. But that can't possibly be bartenders' biggest qualm. If it was, they wouldn't be lighting orange peels on fire and wafting herbs over the top of other cocktails just for show.
No, there's something about a frozen margarita that makes people regard it as inherently trashy - and I just don't get it.
Maybe it's the fact that they look like a starter cocktail, like something only an amateur drinker would order. They're often brightly colored and served in laughably large glasses, with crazy straws or skewers of fruit. But now you're someone who's judging a book by its cover, and didn't your mother teach you better than that?
These are the ingredients of a classic margarita, served on the rocks: tequila, Cointreau, lime juice, and ice. These are the ingredients of a classic margarita, served frozen: tequila, Cointreau, lime juice, and ice. It's been a while since I played a spot-the-difference game, so, uh, could someone help me out?!
From what I understand, the two are exactly the same. Members of #TeamOnTheRocks don't seem to think that way, but, let me tell you: As a card-carrying member of #TeamFrozen (just kidding, but could you imagine?), I can attest to the fact that my people never direct rage at their ice cube-loving counterparts. It's completely one-sided. You want ice cubes to clink-clank in your glass as the tequila goes down? Cool! Let me do me, too.
There's one argument bartenders put up that I'll unenthusiastically hear out: In a blended margarita, you lose the taste of good tequila. Fine - maybe that's true. But let me assure you, I'm not balling out on top-shelf tequila when I order a frozen margarita.
I'm not trying to convince you to change your stance and adopt a new signature drink. I'm simply trying to make you understand that drinking a blended boozy cocktail does not a trashy person make. Mk?
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