Does Your Child Seem to Cry Over Everything? Here's How to Help Them
If you have a child who seems to cry over everything, they may be highly sensitive. Here's how to help when your child is struggling with big emotions.
Every child has breakdowns and struggles to regulate their emotions from time to time, but if you're dealing with a child who seems to cry over everything, big or small, you might be wondering if something else is at play.
If you have a child who cries over everything, you may be dealing with a highly sensitive child.
The good news is that being highly sensitive isn't a bad thing.
"Highly sensitive children tend to be more compassionate, gentle, and creative," notes Linda Dunlap, PhD, professor of psychology at Marist College, in Poughkeepsie, New York.
That being said, highly sensitive children may need a little extra guidance to help manage their emotions. Here's what parents need to know about dealing with a child who cries over everything (or at least appears to).
A Child Crying over Everything Could Indicate High Sensitivity
Depending on your child's age, if they appear to cry easily over everything in many different situations, it could be possible that your child is not being "difficult"—they may just be highly sensitive.
A highly sensitive person (HSP) has a personality trait known as sensory processing sensitivity (SPS), both terms coined by psychologist Elaine Aron in the 1990s.
It's estimated that up to 20% of the population is made up of HSPs, identified by their tendency to process external and internal stimuli more deeply than the general population.
Related: 4 Signs Your Child Is an Empath—and How to Parent an Emotionally or Physically Sensitive Child
Is Your Child Highly Sensitive?
If your kid seems to cry more than usual, even over seemingly minor issues, they may just be genetically wired to be extra sensitive. A 2015 study done on babies' brains found that differences in temperament in babies based on brain activity can be identified even as young as 7 months old.
In other words, having a highly sensitive brain may be something that some kids are just born with. While it's not an official medical diagnostic tool, here are some indicators that your child might be highly sensitive, according to Dr. Aron's highly sensitive child test.
Signs of a Highly Sensitive Child
They startle easily
They don't like surprises
They complain about scratchy clothing or labels rubbing against their skin
They're sensitive to unusual odors
They ask a lot of questions
They don't do well with big changes
They perform best when strangers aren't present
Being highly sensitive can mean that a child might feel emotions a little more deeply—an ability that can be both frustrating to parents, but also something to cherish.
"Sensitive children may be overwhelmed by their own feelings, but they're also very tuned in to how other people feel, and this makes them very empathetic friends," says Dr. Dunlap.
Related: Are Your Kid's Meltdowns a Sign of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria?
Other reasons for your child's crying
It's important to note that even kids who aren't typically teary can go through emotional periods; this doesn't necessarily mean they're highly sensitive, says Elizabeth Pantley, author of the No-Cry series of parenting books.
"If there's been a recent change, such as a move or a new baby, your child may become more sensitive," she explains.
Here are some other things to assess in a child who has recently started crying more than usual:
Other Causes of Crying in Kids
Major disruptions to their daily routine
Insufficient sleep
Inadequate nutrition
Illness
Infection
Stress
And even if you're not sure what's going on, checking in with your pediatrician can't hurt: Anything from an undetected chronic ear infection to a slight speech delay could lead to feelings of frustration in a child that could bring on tears.
Related: How to Help Your Sensitive, Deeply Feeling Kid Handle an Overwhelming World
Keep in mind that high sensitivity may be easily confused with several mental health conditions and personality traits, but there are some key differences—and recognizing these may help you better understand your child.
For instance, both HSPs and introverts may be overwhelmed by external stimuli, but introverts are mainly affected by social situations; they don't usually get affected by noise, brightness, irritable clothing, and other sensory triggers like many HSPs.
In addition, highly sensitive people may also be incorrectly misdiagnosed with autism, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), or a sensory processing disorder.
Although being a highly sensitive person can occur alongside these conditions, being highly sensitive is a neutral trait, not a condition, disorder, or diagnosis.
Introverts vs. HSPs
While there can be overlap between the two, being introverted and a highly sensitive person are two different things. Introverts alone aren't triggered by things HSPs are, like bright noises and lights.
How to Help Your Highly Sensitive Child
If your child has a new onset of crying spurts, it's important to rule out other potential causes for their tears and see your pediatrician. If you determine that your child may be someone who appears to cry over everything because of their highly sensitive nature, there are some strategies that can help.
First of all, recognizing the signs that your child is highly sensitive will allow you to teach them coping strategies and techniques to make their life—and yours—a bit easier.
Focus on the positive attributes
Avoid using labels like "overly sensitive," "shy," or "quiet," and instead focus on the positive qualities that come from being highly sensitive. For instance, you could praise your child for observant they are, thank them for recognizing when another child is having a bad day, or ask them to point out what they love about themselves.
Reframing your child's strengths instead of focusing on the negatives of being highly sensitive may help both of you.
Help them manage their emotions
If you're at a birthday party where all the kids are happily eating cupcakes while your child is weeping because they got a blue one instead of pink, your first instinct may be to quickly make a switch for them. However, it might be best to take a different approach.
"if you jump in right away, she'll lose confidence in her ability to solve her own problems," Dr. Dunlap points out.
Avoid the urge to tell them to stop crying—which will probably just trigger more tears, says Michele Borba, EdD, former Parents advisor and author of The Big Book of Parenting Solutions.
Instead, one way to help your child get control of their emotions is by playfully telling them, "Freeze!"
"Freezing helps a child stop and collect herself," says Dr. Borba. Then suggest that they take a deep breath and blow it out through their mouth like a dragon.
Related: 4 Big Emotions to Talk About With Little Kids
Switch gears
Distracting your child by guiding them to another activity is also a powerful tool. "When my daughter was in preschool, it felt like she cried all the time," says Melissa Morgenlander, of Brooklyn, New York.
"One of her teachers suggested that when she felt tears coming, she should count to ten out loud. It's simple, but it worked—by the time she got to eight or nine, she would always start to smile."
The counting method is a gold standard, agrees Dr. Dunlap. "At age 3 or 4, counting still takes focus and concentration, so whatever was upsetting your child may feel like old news by the time he gets to ten."
Assess your own reaction
It can also be helpful to check your own emotions when dealing with a highly sensitive child. For instance, preschoolers are especially good at reading their parents' emotions.
If you get tense, it tells your child that whatever is upsetting them really is something to get worked up about—and this models the very behavior you're trying to change.
Find a solution
Next, coax your child to tell you exactly what made them unhappy, so you can help them find a remedy. If they say, "I'm sad Joey doesn't want to play with me," ask them, "What can you do to make yourself feel better?"
If they're stumped for ideas, remind them of things that make them feel good, like inviting another child over to play or looking at a favorite picture book.
With a little practice, they'll soon start coming up with their own solutions, without any prompting from an adult.
Related: How to Teach Social-Emotional Learning at Home
Give it time
Although you might not be able to rewire your child's sensitive personality, they'll eventually gain the maturity to monitor their emotions and become more resilient.
Spending time with peers can also be helpful (although a highly sensitive child may need more downtime). "By age 6 or 7, she will probably have fewer bouts of crying, especially when she sees that other children prefer to play with her when she's not in tears," notes Dr. Dunlap.
It's also important to remember that being highly sensitive is not something that kids "grow out of," so as a parent or caregiver, you can help guide your child to understand their own makeup and feelings.
Plus, there appears to be a strong genetic link for being highly sensitive, so if you and your child are biologically related, you could have highly sensitive traits yourself. Identifying your child's highly sensitive nature or sharing strategies that work could help both of you navigate life together.
Key Takeaway
If you have a child that cries over everything, the first step is to talk to your child's pediatrician and rule out any other potential medical issues or triggers like a disruption to their routine. If there are no obvious concerns, it could be possible your child is highly sensitive and needs a little extra help managing their emotions.
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