Death of the Christmas gift? How millennials are turning their backs on tradition

You can cover your ears and shout ‘la la la’ as much as you like, but the grey pit of November has arrived, the pre-Christmas run-up has begun, and we are duty-bound to behave in certain ways.

We must baffle at the early nights, even though it happens every year (4.30pm? Darkness? But how?). We must circulate the sniffles as fast as rumours of how this will be the coldest winter of all time. We must hastily fill our December calendars with social events we don’t want to attend.

And we must start stockpiling books, socks, candles, spirits, games and calendars - jewellery, perfumes and gadgets for our nearest and dearest. Because Christmas is only 55 days away, and giving presents is what we do.

These acts of generosity in the wintriest bowels of December have obvious fuzzy-feeling benefits. According to French sociologist Marcel Mauss it runs even deeper than that. In his 1923 book The Gift he argues that the ritual of giving, receiving and reciprocating is a cornerstone of how humans build relationships. The Gift, he argues, pervades all aspects of society.

Today, with pre-Christmas sales and heinous consumerist events like Black Friday, Cyber Monday and Buy-Tat-You-Don’t-Need Tuesday (coming soon), the ceremony of gift exchange is alive and kicking. But in a world of stuff, everywhere, spilling from under our beds, cluttering our desks, bulging in landfill sites, we must ask ourselves - is it time to revolutionise the way we approach this festival of stuff?

I’ve been as guilty of compulsive Christmas stuff-giving and hoarding as anyone else. But, probably largely down to the meagre square footage of my flat, my girlfriend and I have developed a new tradition in recent years. In early January we go on a charity shop run - whether to dispose of unwanted secret Santa presents, or to get rid of old things to make space for new things.

Perhaps in an unspoken revolt against this accumulation of stuff (some authors call it ‘Stuffocation’ or ‘NOwnership’), in recent years my family has changed the way we do Christmas presents. We have started giving each other something to do, rather than something to have.

It does, admittedly, introduce an unfestive logistical dimension to the gift-giving process. Yesterday I received a message on Whatsapp from my oldest brother, asking if me and my other brother if were free on Saturday 8th December. Two thumbs up. Sorted, he said, with a link to the comedy event he is taking us to for our Christmas present.

“Dammit,” I didn’t think. “I wish he had bought me Zero to Hero: The Gareth Southgate Story, instead.”

Yes, the surprise element is taken away. But on the pleasure index, the gift of a live comedy event trumps any ￡20 gift he could have bought me.

This is what they call the “experience economy” in action. The buzz-phrase might grate, possibly because you can just imagine it projected on a screen at a marketing conference. But the trend of prioritising experiences and travel over objects is real. According to a 2017 study by Eventbrite, three in four millennials (78 per cent) said they would rather spend their money on an experience or event rather than purchasing something.

Why? Because in the modern day, the need to own things is dissipating. We don’t need DVDs or CDs anymore because we have subscriptions to streaming platforms like Netflix, NowTV, Apple Music or Spotify. We don’t need photo albums, calendars or filofaxes because everything exists in our pocket, and is backed up in The Cloud.

This isn’t just a trend for millennials. My mum’s in on it, too. Last year, her Christmas present to the family was three nights at an Airbnb barn near the Devil’s Punchbowl in Surrey. It went so well we’re doing it again this Christmas: a mini getaway at a hilltop cottage on the South Downs Way. Our present to her in recent years has been a city break - typically somewhere cheap, cold and with a goulashy, former-Soviet flavour. I’m fairly certain she derives more pleasure from these trips than the foot spa machine we bought her in 2007.

Haven't seen that for a while, actually.

Obviously the principle of gifting holidays and experiences isn’t quite as straightforward for those friends and non-immediate family we want (or are wont) to buy a Christmas present for. A flight to Berlin or tickets to a Secret Cinema performance of Blade Runner might not be appropriate for Great Aunt Mildred. And arguably depriving children of the thrill of opening a present under a tree does teeter into Scrooge territory (no Furby for you, Timmy, we’re off to the V&A).

But for our siblings, partners, closest friends and parents, it's time we became more creative with how we spend our yuletide budget. The enjoyment of a gig, comedy night, evening at the theatre, wine-tasting session, weekend retreat or European city break - and the resulting memories - will long outlast the aroma of a chamomile candle or ephemeral fizz of bath salts.

Do you think we need to shake up the way we give presents? Or are you quite happy to receive socks and chutney on Christmas Day? Comment below to join the conversation.