Dear Richard Madeley: ‘We can’t decide on a wedding venue – should we just go to Vegas?’
Dear Richard,
My girlfriend and I recently got engaged and we are locking horns over where to hold the ceremony. I grew up in an idyllic Devon seaside village; she in a featureless Home Counties dormitory town. It ought to be a no-brainer. However, while she has a warm, honest relationship with her parents, who have also been incredibly welcoming towards me, I don’t really see eye to eye with mine. We are at odds politically and my mother has rubbed my fiancée up the wrong way on several occasions. So doing the big day from my childhood home doesn’t sit well with me.
My fiancée says her parents will be there to support us wherever it happens and we should choose a beautiful location so all the guests have a great time; I think if we do it in my village my parents will want to get involved in planning and we’ll be squabbling about everything from food to flowers. So we are currently in the position of each ‘voting’ for the other’s home town.
Another option would be to do it in London where we live – but I’m worried that our parents would feel let down (although I could use ‘tradition’ as an excuse if we did it near my fiancée’s family). A moonlight flit to Las Vegas is starting to feel distinctly attractive. What do you think?
— Peter, via email
Dear Peter,
I have always believed that a wedding day is, front, back and centre, the bride’s day. I know this could be seen as rather dated but it’s true. I’m just stating things the way they are, at least in the majority of cases.
Therefore it follows, since you’ve asked for my advice, that you should be bending over backwards to do exactly what your fiancée wants on her special day. But you may have more power to influence what she wants than you think.
Your letter makes it abundantly clear that the Devon option is likely to implode, well before the day itself. But if it’s what she wants – knowing how you feel about your parents – I guess you’ll have to accept it. And if they do cast a shadow over the day, you’ll have to let it go and not grouse about it to your wife afterwards.
Conversely, if the wedding were to take place near your prospective in-laws, you could placate your folks with the idea that you are following tradition while enjoying the more reliable support of hers. That ought to carry some weight with your fiancée. And does the event have to happen in this ‘featureless’ town itself? Surely there’s a beautiful venue nearby? Have a think about this; do a spot of research.
So do accept that you don’t get the casting vote on this one, Peter, but don’t stop talking through the options. And wherever you tie the knot – even if you decide to do a moonlight flit – I hope you both have a wonderful day and a long and very happy marriage.
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