Dear Richard Madeley: ‘Someone has been leaving flowers on my husband’s grave – I’m worried he was having an affair’
Dear Richard
My late husband died four years ago; we were married for 40 years. He was a bit of a ladies’ man in his younger days; at times I found that difficult, but I learnt to live with it. I know he loved me as I loved him. I miss him still.
The other day at his grave, someone had left flowers. I am sure it wasn’t a family member, as they live hundreds of miles away – and I can’t see how it would be someone from the past as we only moved here six years ago. Then last week, on his birthday, someone left a wooden heart.
I don’t know what to think. Was he having an affair? I have wondered if it was someone at the gym – that was the only place he went without me latterly, much good it did him. It’s eating me up. What should I do?
— Trish, via telegraph.co.uk
Dear Trish
I’m really sorry this has happened. I completely understand why the worm of doubt now threatens your peace of mind. Faced with the same set of circumstances, I think most people would respond in the same way.
However, if it’s any comfort, I truly think it far more likely that the person leaving these tributes at your late husband’s grave is a figure from his distant past, and not more recent times. I don’t believe, therefore, that the offerings you’ve seen are evidence he was conducting an affair in his final years.
I’ll explain why. You say your husband died four years ago. If he left behind not just you, his loving wife, but a secret mistress as well, don’t you think it likely she would have visited his grave and left these things in the days, weeks, or at the very most, months, following his funeral? Her sense of grief and loss would have been strongest then. Why wait four years? It doesn’t make sense.
That’s why I think this is someone from his younger days, when he was in your words, ‘a bit of a ladies’ man’. You say you moved to a different part of the country some years ago, so it follows that it may have taken quite some time for news of your husband’s passing to filter back to his old haunts.
My guess – and although it is a guess, it’s a considered one – is that even after all these years, this person still carries a torch for your husband and when she learnt of his death she felt compelled to make the journey to his final resting place. And because flowers fade and she can’t visit that often, she has now left a more lasting token (the wooden heart).
This, to me, is by far the most logical set of conclusions to draw. I hope you agree, and that in time you find peace.
