Dear Richard Madeley: My husband has turned our son’s bedroom into a workshop
Dear Richard,
Our son went to university last year; he’s kept his room there over the summer and is working in bars before going travelling in August. However, he’s only an hour away, so he’s often home for the weekend.
Since he left, my husband has turned his room into a workshop. What started as the odd spare wheel being left in there has now progressed to a toolbox or part of a car engine. When our son comes back, he has to clamber over all kinds of junk to get in and out of bed.
When I asked my husband to remove said junk prior to one visit, he replied that the room no longer belongs to our son as he has technically moved out. I replied that he’d only moved out temporarily, to go to uni, and he might be back after graduation, and anyway, he needs to know he’ll always have a home with us.
My son is pragmatic about this. He says there’s no point in the room just sitting there empty most of the time. But I can tell he’s not happy. Should my husband respect our son’s privacy and find another place to store his rubbish?
— Ida, Ayrshire
Dear Ida,
Unless there are mitigating factors you’re not sharing with me, all I can say is, what a self-centred man-child your husband must be.
Your son’s been gone less than a year. What does your husband mean when he says the kid has ‘technically moved out’? He’s at uni! He may have a room there (where’s he supposed to live, on a park bench?) and the get-up-and-go to secure a summer job, but your family home remains his home too. When your husband goes on his holidays, has he ‘technically moved out’? I never heard such self-serving drivel.
Look. It’s fine for your husband to use your son’s room while the boy’s away – there’s something miserable about a grown-up child’s empty, unused bedroom, and he may need the space to work. But of course he should clear his gubbins out before the lad comes home. It’s basic good manners, and basic good fatherhood.
I feel truly sorry for your boy, Ida. What a homecoming for the poor kid. You must put your foot down. Be blunt. Tell your husband that he needs to start acting like a loving dad and stop being such a d-—k.
