Dancing on Ice: TV's trickiest talent show is back, with Bake Off's Candice Brown off to a shaky start
After a four year hiatus, arguably TV's trickiest talent show is back with the usual mix of soap stars, sporty types and reality veterans getting their skates on. So, how did they fare on the ice?
It's all good clean fun, until someone's finger gets severed
The first rule of Dancing On Ice is not to take it too seriously. Nobody signs up because they hope to make it as a professional figure skater, they're mostly just in it for the laughs - or maybe because Strictly didn't come calling. The camp and colourful styling, the upbeat song choices, the mere presence of Cheryl Baker... Dancing On Ice is all about making this most depressing time of year a bit more bearable. We should remember though that ice skating - let alone choreographed ice skating on live TV - is flipping hard, and surely far more nerve-racking for the contestants than other shows in the same vein, so well done them for signing up (we'd imagine the money helps...).
Confidence goes a long way
The contestants who went down the best with the newly-assembled judging panel - skating legends Jayne Torvill and Christopher Dean, caustic choreographer Jason Gardiner and Diversity star Ashley Banjo - were the ones who took to the rink with the biggest smiles on their faces and followed the good clean fun rule outlined above. Olympian Perri Shakes-Drayton, X Factor singer (and serial reality show botherer) Jack Quickenden and Love Island's Kem Somebody Or Other (we googled, it's Cetinay) all scored pretty well for their first week, and while none of them were exactly amazing on the ice, they at least looked liked they were having a good time. "I proper enjoyed it!" declared Kem, and it showed.
Sadly, the same couldn't be said for Bake Off's Candice Brown, who grimaced throughout her shaky performance (and came bottom in both the phone vote and the panel's scores), or Hollyoaks actress Stephanie Waring, who mostly just looked petrified. Watching frightened people skating feels awkward and uncomfortable, especially when one wrong move could be an awful lot more painful than on non ice-based talent shows.
Jason's as frosty as ever
It's been a while, but Jason Gardiner hasn't thawed one bit since the show last aired - he's still one of TV's most reliably mean judges. Tonight he saved his best/worst insult for poor, pained Candice Brown, telling her "the arms were beautiful and elegant... and then they turned into spatulas". It was one of many baking-related puns thrown her way... still, at least she didn't fall over and suffer a bad case of iced buns.
The new commentator gets a lukewarm reception
Who on earth was that chap making inane remarks after every performance, you ask? He's racing commentator Matt Chapman, and it's fair to say he hasn't gone down particularly well with viewers, with some on social media asking if he was a competition winner. Unfortunately, the show's much-loved former commentator, Tony Gubba, passed away in 2013. If ITV couldn't find anyone up to the job, perhaps it would've been more appropriate to ditch the role completely - Holly and Phil can handle the inbetweeny bits, surely?
What season is it again?
As is often the case with talent shows, there was an odd mixture of simple performances with a few pretty lights, and intensely-styled extravaganzas involving all manner of props and even storylines. Corrie's Antony Cotton was part of the most elaborate production of the evening, with a full Club Tropicana stage set... which looked a little odd on ice and just made us wistful for warmer weather (and cocktails).
Jake Quickenden's set-up was odd too - he skated to a thoroughly modern Olly Murs song, but set against a retro backdrop and styled up like a 1950 throwback too. We're only assuming this is all part of ITV's ongoing quest to acknowledge the existence of Olly Murs every 4.8 seconds. Job done.
Next week's show should be fun
Only half of the celebrities performed on tonight's launch show - the other six will do their thing next weekend. However, we did get a little preview of their skills (or lack of), in the form of an excellently cheesy group performance in which Cheryl Baker looked nervous as hell. We were also treated to a few seconds of Donna Air's plummy new accent; we remember when she was just a humble Geordie, and we look forward to studying this metamorphosis further over the coming weeks.
