I Cannot Overstate How Completely, Totally, Wildly Hilarious These 24 Tweets By Women Are

BREAKING: Visual Effects (VFX) crews at Walt @Disney Pictures have filed with the National Labor Relations Board (NLRB) to unionize with backing of @vfxunion.This marks only the second time in history VFX pros have joined together, with the first being earlier just this month. pic.twitter.com/9PCUSMJ6YS

— IATSE // #IASolidarity (@IATSE) August 28, 2023

I hate to say it, but ever since Blake Shelton was named sexiest man alive things have been in shambles.

— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) August 27, 2023

When I click through, the title of this paper looks totally normal, but for some reason the Google preview makes it sound like it was written by a sarcastic SpongeBob pic.twitter.com/iCDCVznzXR

— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) August 28, 2023

the word "encourage" should be pronounced like "entourage," send tweet

— Parker Molloy (@ParkerMolloy) August 28, 2023

if a man tells a joke n its funny i'll wait until i get home to laugh

— a (@23luvr) August 29, 2023

SHOULD I KLARNA THIS SPELL I FOUND ON ETSY TO REMOVE MY DOUBLE CHIN? pic.twitter.com/fyeUou2oHq

— EMOTION (@ULTRASLUT) August 31, 2023

IF Hailey Bieber is also Hailey Baldwin, then my fear that there are too many famous Haileys was unfounded.

— Kilmartin: Seattle Telluride Cincy (@anylaurie16) August 31, 2023

I be walking around w one AirPod in like a fckn secret service agent like girl

— ROYALE (@royalepains) August 28, 2023

therapists do NOT have all the answers. like sometimes a client will be telling me something really difficult and be like “what do I do????” and in my head I’m like oh man, i don’t know……you should really see a therapist about that

— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) September 1, 2023

When you forget to respond to your mom about an Emergency. pic.twitter.com/7wzQd0PYyK

— emily (@emilykmay) August 31, 2023

That poop on the first day of your period should clear up any confusion to what God’s gender is.

— Project Pat Robertson (@Kyla_Lacey) August 28, 2023

Have never identified more with anyone than I just did with the woman who walked into the grocery store in front of me, shook her head, said “I can’t be making these kinds of decisions today” and walked right back out

— Amber Sparks (@ambernoelle) August 31, 2023

me convincing my self to save up money ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

— emy (@psemythyst) August 29, 2023

When I first got on Twitter I thought, "ugh, what am I even going to tweet about, no one wants to read my stupid thoughts" & I have not assumed any delusions of knowledge since then but I HAVE realized that people are tweeting much stupider thoughts & mine look fine by comparison

— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) September 1, 2023

As an end-of-summer treat, I told my 5yo he can stay up as late as he wants tonight. His regular bedtime is 7:30. It’s 7:50 and he’s outside swinging on his swing set telling me this is the best day ever. Will keep you posted on how long he makes it.

— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) August 27, 2023

Was telling my dad a story and I hear camera clicks in the background and he’s like sorry there’s some activity in the backyard The activity: pic.twitter.com/LHR942KJBv

— Sara K. Runnels (@omgskr) August 26, 2023

blocking him isn’t enough, I need to seduce his dad and spend his inheritance

— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) September 1, 2023

I love when men are like “these are just the facts” or “it’s basic logic” about something they said that is absolutely 100% their subjective opinion

— big honkin caboose (@itsmegangraves) September 1, 2023

Spending time with your parents is fun because you get to hear so many sounds you didn't realize that phones can make.

— Alison Leiby (@AlisonLeiby) August 31, 2023

i promise you if i ever walk into the bathroom or out of the stall and see your bare ass out with your bloody drawers in the sink i am calling kamala and you are going to prison https://t.co/1YCIT17jPr

— maybe: diane (@dianelyssa) September 1, 2023

Is there anything funnier than two guys in a fight trying to punch each other while on a Segway tour of Our Nation’s Capital, the answer is no

— Amber Sparks (@ambernoelle) August 29, 2023

taking PTO is all about checking your work email with the detached observance of an indifferent god

— chase (@_chase_____) August 30, 2023

God that Harvard training is good https://t.co/rY0hhrVFJx

— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) August 28, 2023

basketball’s all like gimme that pumpkin i need it and tennis is all like fuck this lemon you take it

— kim (@KimmyMonte) August 28, 2023

you only really funny if u can make your therapist laugh

— . (@NoEmmeG) August 31, 2023