The Boomer Grandparent Flex That Drives Millennials Crazy
It’s no secret that boomers and millennials have different opinions when it comes to parenting practices. From “peaceful parenting” to screen time, the two generations don’t always see eye to eye. And that’s OK! As a new mom myself, I’m learning how to forge my own parenting path and take other generation’s advice with a grain of salt. Except for this one thing that boomer grandparents always say that drives me nuts:
“Just wait.”
Just wait until they start crawling…and you have to chase after them. Just wait until they’re talking…and won’t shut up. For every milestone, there’s a Debbie Downer “just wait” to counter your enthusiasm.
And for what? I’m well aware that when my baby starts crawling, I’ll be following after her to grab a stale Cheez-It out of her mouth (or worse). I know that with talking comes the “why?” and “no!” phases. I did, after all, sign up for this.
So what is it with this “been there, done that” flex? Is it because they had a specific parenting failure (oops, Junior swallowed a penny) that they’d like to believe is a universal experience? Is it because misery loves company? Is it jealousy? Is it parent hazing? We get it! You raised kids once! (And you apparently didn’t enjoy it? I digress.)
Maybe all these things are true to some extent, but to be fair, I actually don’t think boomers are bad grandparents at large (as is claimed by many millennials on the internet). I also don’t think they have genuinely negative feelings about the milestones they comment on so forebodingly.
I suspect the problem is this: These are two generations that lack the ability to effectively communicate with each other. Boomers want to give advice, and millennials want to follow their own path. Boomers want to feel needed and have that advice taken, and millennials are more interested in righting the wrongs they’ve identified in the way they were raised. Because their advice falls on deaf ears, boomers need to flex their parenting knowledge in a different way—hence, “just wait.”
At the risk of sounding earnest, I am waiting—excitedly—for these milestones, and I’ve already accepted the difficulties that they might bring. Seven months in and the newborn period may already be hazy, but I do recall it being the steepest learning curve I’ve ever experienced—like vertical-drop steep. The truth is that I enjoy watching my baby transform from a potato that can’t communicate its needs except by crying into a real human. So yeah, bring on the next—and every—milestone.
As for my next encounter with a well-meaning (but somewhat annoying) boomer grandparent? Until I hear a “just wait for their first belly laugh” or, “just wait until they can hug you,” I’ll be responding to those pesky J.W.’s with a simple, “Yeah, guess so!”
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