Because tipping practices vary, ask before getting spa services so payment isn't awkward

QUESTION: I recently treated myself to a massage at a local spa. I understand it’s a common practice that a 20% tip is included in treatment or service that you select. I enjoyed my massage but at the end, the massage therapist “demanded” an additional tip. I was shocked and was not sure how to respond. Any advice on how to handle this type of experience?

CALLIE’S ANSWER: Woah, awkward! Pay the addition and don't go back.

LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: How weird! I’d ask more questions. Tell the therapist that you already tipped 20% (if that’s what you did) and ask why the therapist had an expectation that it was going to be more. Most times, tipping is voluntary, so a demand for additional funds is surprising. Ask if that is a spa policy or the therapist’s own policy, and ask why that wasn’t conveyed to you when you booked the appointment. A business generally conveys to the patron when a gratuity is expected or required. I would have asked more questions until you understood the process, pushed back a little and then negotiated a different fee or no extra at all. Being curious will likely get you farther (and perhaps even paying less) than not questioning things. But then, after feeling so much stress and pressure as a business patron, I wouldn’t go back to that massage therapist or that spa. I imagine that isn’t how you planned to relax that day.

HELEN’S ANSWER: That just doesn’t sound right. If the tip was included in the bill, then that should have been sufficient. Maybe you could have checked at the front desk, if there was one, for further information. Your massage therapist “demanding” more in the tip department requires a little more explanation, especially since you thought that was already taken care of. It would be definitely up to you to add more to the tip particularly if you rated the service as outstanding. Always carry some extra dollar bills. And next time remember to clear the tip amount (included with the bill, or not) with the receptionist.

GUEST’S ANSWER: Linda Miller, community volunteer, and former fashion editor for The Oklahoman: A 20% tip that's included in the bill before the service is even given seems unusual. It probably would have been best to double-check that information when you arrived. And for someone to demand a tip, especially if one was already added, seems even more baffling and disappointing. Perhaps it's time to find another spa and when the appointment is made, inquire about the tipping policy.

Since 2009, Callie, Lillie-Beth and Helen have written this generational etiquette column. They also include guest responses from a wide range of ages each week. So many years later, Callie is 20-plus; Lillie-Beth is 40-plus and Helen is 60-plus. To ask an etiquette question, email [email protected].

This article originally appeared on Oklahoman: Double check tipping practices before getting a spa service