This August feels like autumn is on its way – 9 reasons why it can't come soon enough

Here’s what we would normally be thinking at this time of year: it’s August! Let’s make the most of the high days of summer! Let’s have a spontaneous barbie (the second this year). Let’s find somewhere to swim…anywhere! Let’s go to the park, or the neighbours’, and eat outside (obviously ), and get in a hammock! Normally in August, we have just got into our summer stride and everyone is determined to keep the flame alive into September, at which point we’ll all be praying for an Indian Summer.

This year, however, is very different. This year a few people are still Loving the Summer, but many of us (the normal ones) are secretly punching the air at the small signs (occasional chill in the air, the leaves on the turn, the Strictly Come Dancing line-up announced, slightly longer shadows) that August is feeling, well, a little bit like autumn actually.

I say secretly, because summer weather in summer is the greatest good fortune that can befall the British – everyone knows this - and, by the same token, it is unnatural to want to see the back of it. That said, there’s a large minority – not even sure we’re a minority at this point –  who feel autumn cannot kick in fast enough. We wouldn’t mind if temperatures plummeted and rain stopped play starting about now. It’s been great. It’s been really lovely, at times. But we have well and truly peaked and now we are looking forward to a change of gear and all the things we have been missing, such as:

Autumn clothes

We have totally run out of summer clothes and, more to the point, we want to get back to our serious real clothes. There are so many reasons why Autumn is the far more fashion friendly month. Summer clothes are so flimsy and light. Autumn clothes are made of brown cord, and leather, and rock hard denim. You could be in any shape at all under your tailored jacket, and that’s exactly how we like it.  Remember coats with hoods. Remember opaque tights? And a big fat buttery scarf, and leather boots? So comfy and low maintenance. Don’t pretend you haven’t missed socks. Don’t pretend you haven’t recently thought ‘If only it was fractionally colder I could just get into my furry hooded parka, and go to sleep’. As it is, you have to find a light mac with a hood just in case it drizzles or the wind get ups. And no-one wants to have to do that.

Being the right temperature

We’re fed up of arriving everywhere shouting ‘Hello! Sorry! Do kiss me, but, just to warn you, I am covered in sweat. I am dripping! Do you mind if I take this off? Would it be OK if I had a quick shower? Shall we not go to that place later, because they have really low ceilings? Why don’t we talk in the car, with the A/C on?’ etc. Let’s not pretend this extremely hot summer hasn’t been pretty stressful when you weren’t actually submerged in sea water, or lying under a fan.

winter coats fashion

Sleeping without a fan

We are bored of fans roaring away like old biplanes. Oh for the muffled clunk of the central heating ratcheting up.

Central heating

Now that we have adjusted to Saharan temperatures and cooking in our underwear, regular August nights seem uncomfortably cool. Won’t it be nice to get back to choosing the temperature, on the thermostat? Up down, cooler, hotter…whatever suits you! Oh, and having the fat furry Oka blanket on the bed, and a hot chocolate.

Warming winter grub

We’ve done the grilled fish and exotic salads, every which way, and now we’re longing to get back to hearty stews washed down with red wine. Never thought we’d want to see the back of a very pale dry rose but we do now. We might get into mulled wine in a week or so. And dumplings.

Putting our legs away

Not just because keeping them fit for public display is really time consuming, but now they have gone full circle and, like the trees, are definitely on the turn. They were perfectly tanned and now they’re sort of silvery white and dusty.

Being allowed to hibernate

As in watch TV. Bury ourselves under throws. Draw the curtains. And possibly not do very much. You have to be so open to every single spontaneous summery thing when it’s a glorious summer; your windows are always open wide …it can all get a bit exhausting.

Letting the back garden go to seed

This summer there has been no excuse for having empty pots and broken garden furniture. Most years you are able to wing it, by being away during the few warm weeks when people expect to go outside, but this year a welcoming Mediterranean style garden has been practically compulsory.

Dealing with the disappointing weather

It’s character changing this endless summer: we’re losing our expect the worst, then make do, and tough it out with the windbreak and a thermos of tea mentality. We’re good at autumn, let’s just get on with it.