How April Ryan Stays Cool Under Pressure
Something’s snapped. After the 2016 presidential election, women nationwide wanted to make a scene. We flooded streets in protest. We filled out ballots. Whispers gave way to battle cries. We didn’t do it for “attention”; we did it for progress. In “Fired Up,” ELLE.com explores women’s rage-and what comes next.
None of us is immune to anger. It's all about how we handle it. That was a childhood lesson that I came by the hard way. Young April thought that lashing back, making herself bigger, and acting like she was better was the way to get her point across, to hurt her opponent-to win in any conflict. And yes, I had some wins! But ultimately, I would end up overplaying a losing hand. There were hurt feelings and broken friendships. That's how Young April learned a lesson-to make your emotions work for you, not against you-that isn't wasted on the April of today. I've come to understand that there is strategy in conflict. So I'm strategic in my anger.
As the White House wages a one-sided war against the press, and we fight instead for answers and truth, there's no time to be overwhelmed by anger. There's already a worsening of attitudes and an eroding of discourse, a contentious environment that we need to prevent from slipping further into “carnage,” the word President Trump so infamously used in his inaugural address. If there is a battle worth fighting, it's for the First Amendment, and the stakes are too high to play a losing hand.
And the lessons of history-the marches, the sit-ins, the fruits of the civil rights movement-have often taught that anger alone is not always the answer. So as I do my work as a journalist, I don't let the sticks and stones-the alt-right trolls who say I'm a racist while in the same breath calling me the N-word or the B-word-bother me. I just consider the source and remember the words that my mother would utter at times of distress: “It is not what they call you, but what you answer to!”
Sure, the kinds of exchanges that take place in the White House Press Briefing Room leave more people than just me angry and dismayed. But being angry does nothing but hurt me. I can end up internalizing some of the issues that hit me the hardest, so I know I have to handle the nuances of my feelings with care. I resolve to move beyond my anger at a situation and not simmer in it.
So when I'm angry or upset, my first thought is: How did we get here and do I take any responsibility for it? Then: How can I take the higher ground and help fix it? Not everything in a bad situation can be fixed. But leaving your anger without any resolution at all perpetuates a never-ending cycle.
In those moments when no resolution can be reached, I remind myself not to lash out or lose my cool like Young April did. Instead, I remind myself that being strategic with my emotions allows me to take my anger, parse it and harness it, and use it to win another day-to fight for the truth another day-not just for myself, but for those Americans who deserve to hear straight answers from the White House about what concerns them and affects their lives.
As I bide my time, I remember that silence is a respite. It gives the anger a chance to breathe and dissipate, leaving space for a clear mind. Silence can also be a weapon. An angry silence becomes a deafening sound to those who want to bait you into hostility as they wrong you. It keeps you from flailing in the white-hot moment when a cool head is what you need most.
So to the angry April of yesterday, I say: meet your older, calmer, more resolved sister-self. If I knew then what I know now, a lot of things would be so different. But then again, those lessons hard earned yesterday have armed me for victories hard fought today.
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