I'm pretty sure that you can actually burn calories just by watching SAS: Who Dares Wins – review
We are now about a week into the new year, so obviously none of us is doing much exercise anymore. Yes, you have paid for a 12-month membership to the gym. No, you can't get a refund. Fortunately, SAS: Who Dares Wins (Channel 4) returned last night for a third series – and I'm pretty sure that you can actually burn calories just by watching it.
The formula remains largely unchanged. A group of brawny civilians are put through their paces in a hostile environment (this time the Atlas mountains in Morocco) by four ex-Special Forces soldiers, led by the reliably furious Ant Middleton. "Get off your f--king knees," he screamed at one bloke last night who was struggling with the concept of a press-up.
By the end of the first episode, five recruits had – very wisely – packed it in. By the end of the nine-day course, which is based on the Special Forces selection process, only one or two will still be standing.
And yet, for all the gruelling pre-dawn runs and the endless burpees, the physical "beastings" are not the most interesting thing about SAS: Who Dares Wins. Far more intriguing is watching these men, who often arrive in peak physical condition and full of bombast, being mentally picked apart by Middleton and his staff.
In episode one, we saw a 19-stone professional boxer open up, under interrogation, about the horrific bullying he suffered as a child. "They terrorised me until I wanted to kill myself," he explained. This was why he felt the need to prove himself time and again.
Later, a Thai boxer broke down in tears as he discussed his problems with alcohol. Even one of the ex-Special Forces soldiers, Ollie Ollerton, admitted, in a surprisingly frank piece to camera, that "dealing with life in general is mayhem. It's just a lot easier being in a war zone, so much more inner peace".
At its core, then, SAS: Who Dares Wins isn't simply a fitness competition. It is a programme about masculinity. It asks what it actually means to be a man and shows that it isn't really about press-ups at all.
Being a man involves addressing, not burying, problems. No one gets thrown off this course for crying. The "beastings" and the bollockings by the staff are designed to find out which recruits have the mental, rather than the physical, attributes to succeed.
There is, of course, much basic fun to be with SAS: Who Dares Wins as well. It is a sadistic joy to see people pushed to their limits, particularly personal trainers with bad tattoos or bankers who have a whiff of The Apprentice about them ("Danger is very real, but fear is a choice").
And I'll never tire of hearing Jason "Foxy" Fox, a grizzled ex-Special Forces soldier, saying things like, "eventually the Chinooks came in, we got picked up, f--ked off and flew out of there with no casualties."
But camouflaged beneath all this is a rather more subtle and important message. Bravo (Two Zero).
