I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here! launch show: Dec jokes about Ant's rehab stint while Stanley Johnson is a 'happy chappy'
The call of the wild had once again summoned a rag-tag of celebrities – and also some people closely related to celebrities – to the bug-riddled depths of Sunday night on ITV.
But amid the stampede of footballer’s wives, politician’s dads and athletes who hadn’t bothered to watch the show before signing up (Amir Khan – we will be cheering you all the way) the biggest surprise was the return of glowingly healthy presenter Ant McPartlin, whose participation in I’m A Celeb was in doubt following a summer in rehab.
As curtain-raisers went, the first episode of the 2017 series made a reasonable-sized splash – and not just because McPartlin was back and surprisingly chipper.
Stanley “father of Boris” Johnson delivered a steady clip of bon mots, at least some of which were funny on purpose and stand-up Shappi Khorsandi confronted her fear of heights by asking her sky-dive instructor if he “kept cats”. In the jungle, you take your coping mechanisms where you find them.
I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here: 2017 contestants line-up
There was a sting in the tail too, as Olympic boxer Amir Khan and Made in Chelsea star Georgia Toffolo – “Toff” to friends and connoisseurs of insect-infested reality television – were selected by public vote for the first Bushtucker Trial: the fun-sounding Critter-cal Rescue. Here is the rest of what we learned.
1: Ant's recent troubles were addressed head-on
An addiction to prescription pain killers had resulted in lad-next-door McPartlin spending packing his bags for a stint of rehab. His return to I’m A Celeb was confirmed just this month – and a conscious effort was made to confront early the cloud of controversy hanging over that larger than average head.
"Nobody was sure if you would make it or not," deadpanned co-presenter / best mate forever Dec, having "accidentally" announced Holly Willoughby as his new host. "Come on – I'm back my friend" said Ant, joining Dec in a scripted man-hug. “What were you doing for the summer?” Dec wondered later. “Stuff… stuff” replied Ant. The greatest bromance in British light entertainment endures.
2: Stanley Johnson is obviously everyone’s favourite contestant
"Oh my lord – what have we here…wow…wow… I'm in welcoming mode," said the Boris’s peppy padre. He’d just been introduced to Rebekah Vardy – wife of England international Jamie Vardy. "Is he in the Ashes?,” wondered Stanley – immediately claiming pole position as contestant most likely to jam his foot in his mouth and leave it wedged there.
3: The celebs had clearly never heard of each other
A footballer's wife, a girl band singer, a Made In Chelsea graduate, a bloke off Hollyoaks – none of the cast seemed any the wiser as they were introduced to one another. The only flicker of recognition was that rippling across the face of Chelsea alumna Toff as YouTuber “vlogger” (ask the nearest teenager) Jack Maynard materialised in a speedboat. She’d possibly been introduced to him at a party previously – but wasn’t sure if she should pretend to be his best mate or simply feign ignorance.
4: Be very alarmed – they've tinkered with the format
"Celebrity buddies" is the crazy new curve-ball by which contestants are paired off, in the presumed hope of generating for supplementary giggles. As decided by public vote – like everything on ITV prime time we really only have ourselves to blame – Hollyoaks hunk Jamie Lomas was required to buddy up with Corrie star Jennie McAlpine while “YouTube sensation" Maynard (two million subscribers – and the smackable grin to prove it) had to stand beside Chelsea’s Toff (“will it be fun? I don't know," she said, somehow sounding upbeat). Stanley Johnson, for his part, was paired off with Khorsandi. "I'm a happy chappy, Shappi," he observed – though his jaw did drop slightly upon hearing that she hadn’t attended boarding school.
5: The contestants are displaying alarming levels of self-awareness this year.
"What happens in the jungle stays in the jungle," said Jack Maynard. "Apart from the fact it's televised and everyone is going to see it." "I'm a working single mum of two very young children," said a clearly-in-it-for-the-paycheque Shappi. "I'm going in for a rest. It's going to be a spa, right?”. Boxer Khan had decided on a rope-a-dope strategy. "I've never watched the show…the clips, I've seen.. it doesn't look that bad." It came as a mild bombshell that he'd be expected to sleep on the ground.
6: The plank is back
…"And this year it is twice as terrifying," said Dec. Against the classic jungle backdrop of a beach-side skyscraper, paired team-mates were required to walk a wobbling length of scaffold stretched out into the very thin air and simultaneously press green buzzers, thus bagging a precious meal ticket.
"I'm scared of a lot of things – heights is one of them," said Amir optimistically. Jack expected to be reduced to tears – and nearly was. It's going to be fun watching them scoop cockroaches out of their underpants.
7: Boo – no huge screaming meltdowns.
Jennie and Jamie conquered their worst, suspended-above-wobbly skyscraper fears and bagged their meal ticket. Rather less keen on death-defying shenanigans were Jack and Toff. "I'm so scared," proffered the Made In Chelsea star – to a team mate far too terrified to respond (you suspect Jack hadn't been so aghast since that time one his tweets went 30 seconds without receiving a like).
Still, it was mission accomplished as they both pinged their buzzers within the required time-frame. The prize of quivering wreck of the night went to Vanessa White of The Saturdays, who had teamed up with Amir Khan. "Oh god how am I going to do this?,” she wondered, adding "I can't get back.” "Move your feet first," suggested Khan – precisely the sort of detailed advice you want mid-emotional meltdown.
8: But the alternative to the plank walk was even worse
The high-rise strutters were revealed to have got off lightly as we rejoined Shappi and studs-up ex-footballer Dennis Wise, who were about to sky dive into a lake.
”I don't think it's an irrational fear,” commented the comedian as she was strapped to her diving instructor. “I’m putting my life in the hands of a man I've met five minutes ago".
Waiting on the ground were Johnson and Vardy, attempting to earn meal tickets by searching a bug-infested boat.
"Bloody hell," sputtered Stanley, having received a nasty nip from "some prawns…or a squid". It was all for naught, though, as a mix-up saw Stanley and Shappi miss out on their golden dinner token – "a bean situation" as Johnson put it. Beans it was, as it was gallantly decided that four of the five female contents should dine on a treat of kangaroo steak while the rest – Shappi having opted to eat with the blokes – made do with basic rations.
