What is breadcrumbing? Paperclipping? Beware of these toxic viral dating trends.
Were you about to soft-launch your situationship until his beige flags gave you the ick? Or do you have no idea what we're talking about?
If the latter is the case, you're not alone. TikTok and other social media sites seem to spawn new viral dating terms and buzzwords everyday. It can feel impossible to keep up with them all.
Though many may dismiss these dating terms as silly internet-isms, experts have said behaviors like the ones these terms encompass can have major implications for people's mental health. So, no matter if you're in a healthy relationship this Valentine's Day, or coping with getting breadcrumbed, paperclipped or orbited for the zillionth time, here's a handy guide to the treacherous landscape of modern dating.
What is a situationship?
A situationship is a lack of consensus on what a relationship actually is, which usually means an awkward middle ground somewhere between friendship and a committed relationship. For many, a situationship is a unique type of purgatory where they don’t know how to define the relationship dynamic. This often means a "no-strings-attached" dynamic without boundaries or mutual understanding.
Though some may find it liberating to remove relationship labels, for others, not knowing where they stand in a relationship, what they should expect, or where the relationship is heading feels unnerving and painful.
Is 'the spark' a red flag? Sometimes. Experts say look for this in a relationship instead
What is relation-shopping?
Relation-shopping is dating by a long list of rigid standards that aren't necessities. Relation-shoppers have a hard time feeling satisfied with the person they're dating and, similar to "dating maximizers," constantly wonder if there's someone out there who could be better suited for them.
"You're setting yourself up for not feeling fulfilled and satisfied in your dating life," Blaine Anderson, a dating coach, previously told USA TODAY about relation-shopping. "If you don't know what your end goal looks like, it's hard to know when to stop."
Have you heard of 'relation-shopping'? It might be why you're still single.
What is breadcrumbing?
Breadcrumbing is an act of giving someone just enough attention to keep them interested without exerting much effort or committing. This looks like someone sending you sporadic flirty texts, social media interactions or hints at meeting up, without them being specific or following through. When you're about to call it quits or when you're interest wanes, the breadcrumber usually offers more "crumbs."
More: What is 'breadcrumbing' in a relationship? And how to handle it
What is orbiting?
Orbiting can be best described as lingering in someone's online presence as a potential love interest without ever getting close or “sticking around” after a romantic relationship has ended. This perpetual orbit serves as a reminder of their existence, even if intentions are unclear or they have decided to no longer pursue a romantic connection. This behavior involves a person following, viewing, and engaging with your social media content.
Many fall into the trap of overanalyzing the orbiting behavior, desperately seeking clues about the other person's feelings; however, this often ends up being a waste of time and energy.
'Orbiting' is killing your relationship. How to make it stop
What is ghosting?
Ghosting is when an individual cuts off all contact with someone they are dating, without explanation. As a result, many people are left ruminating on why the other person disappeared. Though most may hope the explanation entails a national security level emergency, a new type of dating amnesia or an alien abduction, it’s more likely rooted in the other person's lack of interest or fizzled attraction.
What is phubbing?
Phubbing is the impolite habit of ignoring those in front of you in favor of your phone. A portmanteau for "phone" and "snubbing," phubbing is often instinctive and unintentional. Many people do it to stay connected with others, whether it's through social media, texting or emailing, but it can have the opposite effect on those closest to you. It can be especially hurtful when it happens on a date.
What is soft-launching?
Soft-launching is hinting that you have someone special in your life, while keeping the details or even person's identity somewhat ambiguous. Soft-launching can look like posting a picture of joined hands, the person's silhouette, or the person holding a large coffee mug that covers their face. It can also entail having a significant other pop up in your social media posts ? but only in group photos or settings that make your friends wonder if you're together or not.
What is a simp?
Derived from the word "simpleton," this popular term began as a way to mock men who pander to women in an effort to sleep with them. Now, the term is used much more loosely, describing anyone who shows ample affection for someone else.
Though use of the term may seem like a harmless joke, experts said it can be damaging to equate a man's kindness with weakness.
"When we 'simp' shame, it sends a message to men that caring about the plight or well-being of women is not a 'manly' thing to do," Destin Gerek, author of "The Evolved Masculine," previously told USA TODAY. "But it should be the exact opposite: to not care is the 'unmanly' thing."
What is the ick?
The ick is the feeling of becoming suddenly (and, usually, irreversibly) repulsed by someone you once found attractive. Did you swoon during your dinner date, only for the chemistry to vanish once your partner pulled out his velcro wallet? You got the ick.
Sometimes the ick points to a deeper issue in the person experiencing it. For instance, if someone has an avoidant attachment style, they may use the ick as an excuse to not get close to someone.
What is a beige flag?
Originally, the term beige flag was meant to help single people identify signs on dating apps that someone might be boring, but the term has since evolved to describe someone's harmless quirks. Does your boyfriend think he's a Waze influencer? That's a beige flag.
Though a silly TikTok trend, the idea of being able to identify what constitutes a deal breaker, positive trait or observation that falls somewhere in between is a helpful exercise, marriage and family therapist Anita Chlipala previously told USA TODAY.
What is paperclipping?
Paperclipping is when an ex reaches out intermittently not because they're interested but rather to keep you on the back burner as an option. It's intentional and often used by narcissists. According to Damona Hoffman, relationship coach and host of "The Dates and Mates" podcast, the dating trend is named after Clippy, the early-2000s annoying Microsoft pop-up that offered to "help" whenyou least expected or needed it. The same goes for an ex, who may follow up only to disappear again.
Paperclipping is problematic, because "it perpetuates the idea that people are disposable. That they're not individuals, but rather things to be objectified," clinical psychologist Carla Manly previously told USA TODAY.
Contributing: Sara Kuburic, Jenna Ryu and Hannah Yasharoff, USA TODAY
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Situationships, breadcrumbing, the ick: Viral dating terms, explained
