How Allison Holker Boss is learning to be 'vulnerable': 'No one had ever really seen me cry'
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More than a year after the death of her husband, Stephen “tWitch” Boss, in December 2022, Allison Holker Boss is offering a glimpse into her healing journey.
In an essay for Glamour, the 36-year-old detailed how she found a way to “rediscover joy” amid grieving the loss of her husband, who died by suicide at the age of 40.
“Frankly, it’s because of my kids that I was able to rediscover joy and be more comfortable showing emotion," she wrote.
She described how she always "sat behind closed doors," but now, she's learning that there's something "beautiful" in vulnerability.
"I just turned 36, and I realized that no one had ever really seen me cry, not even my kids. My children hadn’t really seen me be vulnerable,” she said.
The mother of three added that this grieving process has also marked her first time going to therapy, which she called "really beneficial."
"Part of that is because I’ve never been a person to need to ask for help in my life, ever. And oddly enough, something I realized very shortly into this grief and trauma was that people actually got really offended that I didn’t ask for help," Holker Boss said, adding that she also wasn't sure exactly what she needed at the time.
In the essay, Holker Boss also revealed two affirmations that she tells her kids “every single day”: “I’ll always show up,” and “I’m capable of it.”
“I also tell myself that every season — whether it’s good or bad — has an expiration date,” she said. “And if you can just get past those hard moments, you’ll find yourself.”
Holker Boss later touched on her return to the upcoming season of "So You Think You Can Dance," the competitive dance show on which she previously competed alongside Boss. She first joined the show as a contestant, then as an all-star and now, judge.
“They’ve helped me realize it’s okay to get back to work, which I love,” she said of her “SYTYCD” family. “They made me feel it’s okay to sit on a new side of dance.”
Holker Boss appears to be putting her goal of showing vulnerability in practice through the show. In a preview clip for the new season, which premieres March 4, Holker Boss took a moment to honor Boss' legacy while sitting at the judges' panel, causing herself and a contestant to become emotional.
“Stephen 'tWitch' Boss was and will forever be an icon, a legend because he was truly the best at what he did, but also because he brought out the best in everyone around him,” she said in the video. “And to this day right now, for me, my children and everyone here, he’s still doing that.”
Holker Boss continued, “And how we honor him is by giving that light back because that’s what he would want, too.”
This article was originally published on TODAY.com
