When it comes to marriage advice, we’ve picked up a gem or two from the most random of places. (Thanks, friends’ mom’s cousin!) That’s why we didn’t blink when turning to TikTok for sage relationship wisdom. Here, in random order, the advice—and accounts—that continue to dish out the best-kept secrets about matrimonial bliss.

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1. Practice Interdependence, Not Independence

It’s a happy medium between independence and being co-dependent in your relationship, explains coach Adele Wang. Interdependence is about having a healthy balance of self and other within your relationship. In other words, you know when to give each other space and allow independence that nurtures individuality, but you also know when to connect and move toward each other (say, in times of emotional need).

2. Ask Yourself the ‘First Date’ Question

According to the marriage and relationship coaches over at @couplessuccess, this question—which you should pose to yourself at the end of a day—is the ultimate litmus test about the state of your union. The question: If today was our first date, would your father invite me back for a second date? If the answer is yes, then you’ve had a good day together. But if the answer is no, then it might be time to check your behavior.

3. Flip the Script to Avoid the ‘Where Are We Eating’ Dilemma

The next time you and your partner need to decide on a restaurant choice together, say: ‘Guess where I’m taking you!’ instead of ‘Where do you want to eat tonight?’ Then, when your partner takes a stab at an idea, remark: ‘Wow, good guess! That’s where we’re going.’ (According to @JamesandAmanda, it saves time on guessing where your partner actually wants to eat.)

4. In a Fight, It’s OK to Take Time to Process Your Response

When it comes to your emotions—and gut reactions—boundary setting is key, says life coach @shefasjourney. Say your partner lied to you. You want to call them out immediately on their bad behavior (‘you just lied to me and that’s not OK.’), but after you do, it’s also fine to ask for space to think through your reaction and next steps (‘I’m very upset about this right now, so I need time to process what just happened’). This applies to all types of squabbles—it’s OK to acknowledge, then take your time (an hour, a couple of days) to reflect before discussing.

5. Be Intentional About Daily Romance

At the beginning of each month, says @harveyeverafter, write down new ways to love your person (things you can do for them, things you can do with them), then cut them up and stick them in a jar. Next, every morning, you each choose a piece of paper and find time to do that one thing. The gestures don’t have to be over the top—it could be as simple as dressing up for dinner in the living room or putting your phone away after work.

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