7 signs you're in a healthy relationship — even if you've been fighting

• There's more to a relationship than simply feeling passion or excitement.

• A therapist shared the signs you're in a committed, healthy relationship — even if you've been fighting.

• How you show up for each other and handle conflict reveals how strong your bond is.

While the beginning stages of a relationship are exhilarating, there's more to love than passion.

If anything, it's how you navigate difficult moments and everyday mundane inconveniences that really shows how strong your relationship is, according to April Eldemire, a licensed marriage and family therapist practicing in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

"It's about developing a mutual level of respect and support for one another," Eldemire told Insider. "You're not just fitting into someone's life — there's a deep connection and a strong sense of friendship that you have with your partner."

Deep, healthy commitment is comprised of many parts. Eldemire shared seven signs you're in a truly great relationship, from how you communicate to who you are outside the relationship.

1. You're actively interested in each other's lives

It may sound obvious, but attention is more than just listening to your partner while on a date.

Eldemire said that in a healthy partnership, "you have a commitment to wanting to know where the other person comes from, learning a little bit about their inner world, who their cast of characters in their life is." You care about who they are separate from you and the relationship, and you want to immerse yourself in their world.

A simple way to gauge this is to notice how you and your partner respond to each other's "bids" for attention, which can be as insignificant-seeming as "look at that bird outside."

According to psychologists John and Julie Gottman, people in healthy relationships will respond with curiosity to a partner's bid, rather than blowing their partner off.

2. You're aware of your attachment styles

Attachment styles are believed to be formed in childhood based on how we're raised and impact our relationships as adults. Secure attachment means you can communicate your needs clearly and cope with being alone, while anxious and avoidant attachments tend to struggle more with intimacy.

Eldemire recommended learning about your attachment styles and how they influence your partnership. For example, she said anxiously attached people may gauge the status of their relationship constantly, while people who have an avoidant attachment style may shut down if they feel uncomfortable.

The nice thing is you can always change your attachment style to be more secure with some practice.

3. You embrace disagreement

One of the biggest markers of a strong couple is how they handle their differences.

"They don't shy away from conflict," Eldemire said. "They face it head-on. They see conflict as an opportunity to grow."

Healthy couples don't really view their conflicts as "fights," either. Eldemire said that they see each other as a team working through a solution or compromise rather than combatting an enemy.

This is where secure attachment is really important, she added. Secure partners don't treat each other as opponents, but they also don't sweep things under the rug.

"That's usually the slow death of couples, when they don't address issues," she said. "Over time, those issues get bigger."

4. You go deep when you argue

Healthy conflict isn't just about confronting small problems. Eldemire said that if you're fighting a lot, it can mean you're not really being open about larger fears or issues.

"Usually, it's about something more tender, more vulnerable," she said. "It's something beneath those exterior behaviors like shutting down or getting angry."

She said healthy couples will ask each other more open-ended questions to understand each other better — because arguments are never just about forgetting to do the dishes.

5. You support each other without score-keeping

In a 2020 interview, psychology researcher Brené Brown debunked the "50/50" rule of relationships, saying that expecting an even split of showing up for each other is unrealistic.

Eldemire shared that sentiment, stating that a committed partnership is "about putting yourself on hold for a period of time to support your partner and hoping that that comes back around."

While she said it's important to have boundaries and not get "too pulled in or bogged down with what your partner's going through," she also thinks that partnership does require some level of dependence on each other.

"There are going to be times where one might be struggling and the other one might have to take more of the load on," she said.

6. You have identities outside the relationship

While mutual support is crucial, Eldemire said that you should still have an identity outside your partnership. For example, if you're going through a tough period in your relationship, having a strong sense of self outside of it keeps you from being as heavily impacted.

"I definitely think that there needs to be a healthy balance," Eldemire said. She said that can look like having some of your own friends or a hobby that you do on your own.

7. You're consistently each other's safe space

Above all else, Eldemire said trust is the key to building a life together.

Both partners should feel that the other person has "your best interests at heart, that they're on your side, that they're not being secretive or deceptive," she said.

Trusting that your partner will consistently be there for you gives you the space to grow outside the relationship, too. "You can move more freely and flexibly in your own life because you have your home base and it's secure," Eldemire said.

Without that core sense of safety, a relationship just isn't going to serve you well. "We want to know that people have us at our worst times and our darkest times, not just in our best times," Eldemire said.

Read the original article on Insider