7 Phrases To Use When a Loved One Is Grieving, According to a Trauma Therapist
Individuals holding hands while grieving
Grief is unavoidable. After all, death is a part of life, and those left behind often go through periods of grief. It can be challenging to see a loved one who is grieving go through such a rough time. Words won't bring a person back, but that doesn't mean they aren't worth saying.
"Words can be so helpful for someone who is grieving because it invites them to verbally process their thoughts," says Courtney Morgan, LPCC, the founder of Counseling Unconditionally, who regularly assists people with trauma. "Their emotions may be validated, and they feel the support of the individual."
Yet, even if you went through a similar loss, it can be hard to find the "right" words. For starters, everyone experiences grief differently. Even if you also recently lost a father, a pal may be processing their loss differently. However, Morgan says there's another reason people struggle with knowing what to say to a grieving person: We're all humans here.
"Many people are uncomfortable with others expressing challenging emotions," Morgan says. "They may also feel that there isn’t anything they can say to help the person overcome the feelings they’re experiencing, and they do not want to make things worse."
So, give yourself some grace. While there are no "right words," Morgan says these phrases often strike a meaningful chord when a loved one is grieving.
7 Phrases To Try When Someone You Love Is Grieving
1. "I’m so sorry for your loss.”
Sometimes, we put too much pressure on ourselves to reinvent the wheel. This phrase may sound simple and obvious, but Morgan says it's effective.
"It validates that the person is going through grief," Morgan says.
Morgan adds that this phrase can be useful if this loved one is a relatively new person in your life, like a main squeeze, and you're unsure how they process grief.
Related: 75 Healing Quotes To Help You Through Loss, Trauma and Grief
2. “Would you like to talk more about it?"
Use your words to invite a person to use theirs. Morgan says this phrase works well when you know the person benefits from discussing their feelings.
"It allows the individual to verbally process their emotions," Morgan says.
One thing to remember: A person may not be ready to talk in the immediate aftermath of a loss—especially if it is unexpected. They may need some time to process in their own head. Morgan says you might want to use this offer again after some time has passed if the person initially turns you down.
Related: What To Say to a Friend Who Just Lost a Pet—Plus, What *Not* To Say, According to a Therapist
3. “I’m struggling to find the words to say right now. I am here for you.”
It's OK to be honest. In fact, it might even be comforting to the other person.
"This shows vulnerability on your end, which gives the other person permission to be vulnerable as well," Morgan says.
Morgan adds that this phrase is a good choice if you are also grieving the same person and need time to process too.
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4. “What can I do to support you?”
You know what they say about actions and words. However, you may not know precisely what a person needs—how many casseroles can they fit in their fridge, anyway? Asking can help you actually help them.
"The person may need support in a way that we do not recognize, and this allows them the opportunity to share that with us," Morgan says. "It may also be helpful to give ideas if they’re struggling to verbally identify [specific needs]."
Related: 40 Meaningful Songs About Death, Loss and Grief To Help You Cope
5. "Do you want to talk about them?"
Morgan likes using this phrase after some time has passed when she didn't know the person who died.
"Individuals rarely get the opportunity to talk about the deceased, and I find that they really appreciate the opportunity to do so," Morgan says.
Related: 40 Bible Verses About Death That Give Comfort And Hope For What Is To Come
6. “There’s no timeline for grief.”
Say it louder for the people in the back.
"This is useful when someone is expressing shame about the length of their grief," Morgan says. "They may say something like, 'It’s been so long, I should be over this by now.'"
Related: 8 Phrases That Signal a Person Is Feeling Shame, According to Mental Health Pros
7. “They were such a wonderful person. I remember when…”
Morgan says this phrase works well when you knew the person too.
"Sharing what they taught you, a fun moment or another personal story can be really helpful to the grieving person, as it acknowledges the loss felt by others," Morgan says. "This is important because it validates that this person was loved and appreciated."
Related: Forever in Your Heart—75 Comforting Messages to Say to Someone Who Has Lost a Parent
The One Thing to Never Say to a Grieving Loved One
Delete the phrase "You're strong" from your lips.
"This is not helpful because it creates guilt and shame for the person experiencing very natural, human emotions," Morgan says. "They may feel unable to share their authentic emotions out of fear of being perceived as weak or vulnerable."
Next: Gone But Never Forgotten—125 Beautiful Sympathy Quotes and Messages
Source
Courtney Morgan, LPCC, the founder of Counseling Unconditionally
