6 Things All New Moms Should Know Before Leaving the Hospital, According to Mom Influencer and Author Becky Vieira
'Your baby won’t be the only one in diapers.'
Parenthood is no joke. That being said, there are plenty of ways to communicate the reality of becoming a new mom with both humor and truth. There are definitely some important things all new moms should know. And that's where mom influencer, creator of the super funny Instagram account @wittyotter, and author of Enough About the Baby: A Brutally Honest Guide to Surviving the First Year of Motherhood, Becky Vieira, comes in.
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Enough About the Baby: A Brutally Honest Guide to Surviving the First Year of Motherhood
Vieira offered great insight and welcomed truths about motherhood to Parade:
If you ask a group of women to describe new motherhood, chances are the majority of them will tell you how wonderful it was to see their baby for the first time or that, yes, they were tired, but it “wasn’t that bad.” Guess what? They are all lying. Lying by omission, that is.
This is not to say that either of those statements is false, just that there is much more being left unsaid. For decades, women have been conditioned to keep the challenging aspects of motherhood quiet, leaving many of us to feel isolated and alone. In order to change that reality, we need to first become aware of it. Staying silent about our authentic experiences is not helping anyone. It makes the journey much more difficult—and lonelier—than it needs to be.
Motherhood is harder than you think in every respect. And better too—which is the only side of the story we usually get. Knowing the truth about both sides will help you endure the hard parts and better enjoy the good ones. There is a long list of things I wish I had known more about before becoming a mom, things that would have made my journey easier. I can’t go back in time, but I can help the moms who come after me by speaking openly and honestly about all aspects. The good, the bad and the adult-size diapers.
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6 Things All New Moms Should Know Before Leaving the Hospital
Your baby won’t be the only one in diapers.
Our bodies did some amazing things over those 40-ish weeks of pregnancy, and the changes won’t be undone overnight. You will be wearing an industrial-strength adult “diaper” that is usually made up of a maxi pad the size of a pool float and a pair of mesh “granny” panties. You need all this because of postpartum bleeding and the shedding of lochia. It won’t be light spotting; the inside of said “diaper” will look like a crime scene.
You may still look pregnant after you give birth. For a while.
I can’t tell you exactly what you will look like after childbirth, but I do know it won’t be what you’re picturing. Some women will look like they did before they became pregnant because of their genetics. Others, like me, will continue to appear pregnant after giving birth. Even though I was prepared for that, I didn’t realize just how pregnant I’d look and how long that would last. But all postpartum bodies look exactly as they are meant to and there is no norm when it comes to how a woman looks after she gives birth.
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You may not feel an immediate bond with your baby.
Yes, some people do immediately feel a deep love and bond with their babies, almost as if they look at their child and the heavens part while angels sing. But that’s not the case for most of us. In reality, our brain is set to first feel an obligation to take care of and protect our babies, and that is how we bond with them. “Bonding takes time, but few people want to admit that,” according to Dr. Christine Sterling, ObGyn. “Moms actually worry that something is wrong when in fact, they are on a perfectly normal trajectory. It will happen, but it’s natural for that to take weeks to months.”
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You need to prioritize your mental health.
In addition to taking care of a tiny and helpless newborn baby, you also have to pay close attention to how you’re feeling mentally and emotionally. Your first postpartum doctor’s appointment will be six weeks (yes–weeks!) after you give birth, and a lot can happen in six weeks. According to the Centers for Disease Control, one in eight women are affected with postpartum depression (PPD), but that only counts the women who are actually diagnosed—it is believed that 60 percent of women with PPD never receive a clinical diagnosis. If left untreated, it could lead to self-harm or death by suicide in some cases. Pay attention to how you feel and if something seems off, call your healthcare provider.
Breastfeeding doesn’t have to be all or nothing.
Breastfeeding is wonderful. Not only does it provide the best source of nutrition for most babies, it’s also a great way for mother and child to bond. And while breastfeeding is presented to us as the gold standard for feeding babies, we also need to consider how it affects the mom. There is no shame in combo feeding (part breastmilk, part formula) or stopping altogether if it doesn’t work for you. Your baby deserves a happy mom, and sometimes that comes from you not breastfeeding.
Your relationship will take a hit.
No matter how connected you and your partner may be right now, that will all change once a baby joins the family. When you combine a newborn (who can’t tell you exactly why they’ve been screaming for the past two hours) with a mother’s fluctuating hormones and parents who are incredibly sleep-deprived, nothing good can happen. “For around thirty years, researchers have studied how having children affects a marriage, and the results are conclusive: The relationship between spouses suffers once kids come along,” said Matthew D. Johnson, Ph.D., author of Great Myths of Intimate Relationships: Dating, Sex, and Marriage. This doesn’t mean we have to just sit back and accept this; the strain can be lessened through communication and the occasional date night—even if date night means eating dinner together at 11:00 p.m. after your baby has finally fallen asleep. The point is that you continue to spend time together and stay connected, not when or where that happens.
Adapted from Enough About the Baby by ? Becky Vieira 2023, Published by Union Square & Co.
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