75 mom jokes so cheesy, you'll think they're grate
Fathers get all the credit for their endless supply of groan-worthy dad jokes, but it's time to ask them to step aside.
That's right, it's Mom's turn to deliver the nonstop laughs with this collection of mom jokes that's bound to totally crack everyone in the family up.
After all, dads aren't the only comedians in the bunch. With everything moms have to deal with on a daily basis, it's practically mandatory that they have a sense of humor about it all.
And this list of mom-inspired one-liners is perfect for any moment that requires a bit a comic relief.
Better yet, they're not just for moms. Nope, these clean jokes are great for dads, kids or anybody else looking for a dumb joke or funny pun to tell at school, work or over the dinner table.
For instance, did you hear the one about the mom who told a bad chemistry joke? Apparently, she didn't get a reaction.
Or, how do baby trains eat? They choo-choo, naturally.
If you like these bad-but-good gags, you're in luck because we've got plenty more where these came from in the compilation below.
The best part? None of them will wet a tissue with their tongue, then wipe crumbs off your mouth with it. And that's no joke.
Mom jokes for kids
Why did the mother oak tree give the baby tree a time out? It was being knotty.
How did medieval moms keep their kids from being afraid of the dark? They used knight lights.
Why did the queen go to the dentist? She needed a crown.
Why did the boy wear a coat to dinner? Because chili was on the menu.
Did you hear about the mom that told a bad chemistry joke? She didn't get a reaction.
What do pancakes and baseball have in common? They both require a batter.
My mom went to the store to buy a camouflage jacket. She couldn't find one.
What did one hamburger say to the other? You're bun in a million.
Did you hear about the pirate who wouldn't let his son go to the movies? They were all rated arrrrr.
What kind of shoes do frogs wear to school? Open-toad.
What do mommy bees use to brush their hair? Honeycombs.
How do little bees get to school? The ride the school buzz.
Why did the mamma battery take a vacation? She needed to recharge.
Why was the baby strawberry sad? Her mom got into a jam.
Why did the girl bring a ladder on the bus? She wanted to go to high school.
How do baby trains eat? They choo-choo.
Why don't leopards play hide-and-go-seek? They're always spotted.
How do you catch a school of fish? Use bookworms.
How do mother ghosts always know when their children are lying? Because they can see right through them.
Why do mamma cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work.
Where do mother boats take their babies when they get sick? To the doc.
What do snowmen call their kids? Chill-dren.
Why did the pony go to the school nurse? It was a little horse.
What did the mom flower say to the little flower? Hi, bud!
Where do sheep go on school vacation? To the Baaaaa-hamas.
Funny Mom Jokes
What’s another name for a petite mom? Mini-mum.
What did the mama moose say to the calf after it got on her nerves? I'm not a-moosed right now.
What did the mother alpaca say to her hungry baby on their way to grab a bite? “Don’t worry, dear. Alpaca snack.”
What did the mom say to her teenager when she asked her to keep a secret? “Mum’s the word.”
What’s momma bear’s favorite baseball team? The Cubs.
How did the digital clock show off to its mother? Look, Ma, no hands!
What do you call a mom that can’t draw? Tracy.
How do crabs honor their mom’s birthday? The shell-abrate.
What do alien moms like to drink? Starbucks.
Why was the cookie sad? Because its mommy was a wafer too long.
When does a computer function best? When it listens to its motherboard.
My mom used to have a fear of hurdles. But she got over it.
What do mother spiders complain about the most? How much time their kids spend on the web.
What’s the best way to describe a cow that just gave birth? De-calf-inated.
I just stitched a honey bee to my cardigan. Now it’s my Cardi Bee.
What did the mom dog say after a long day with the kids? “Boy, that was ruff.”
How do you put a baby spaceship to sleep? You rocket.
What kind of shoes do mamma bananas wear? Slippers.
Best Mom Jokes
How do you know when something is officially lost? Your mom can't find it.
Mothers of teenagers understand why some animals eat their young.
Moms don’t wish they could sleep like a baby. They wish they could sleep like a dad.
Motherhood: Where a solo trip to the bathroom no longer exists.
What's the fastest way for a mom to get her kids' attention? Sit down and look relaxed.
Silence is golden. Until you have children. Then it’s highly-suspicious.
Did you hear about the new Olympic sport? Whoever gets out of the house on time with kids takes home the Gold.
A toddler can do more in one unsupervised minute than most adults do in an entire day.
“It’s okay, honey, all I need is a combined total of three hours of sleep.” Said no mom ever.
It turns out the fastest land mammal is a toddler after a mother says, “What’s in your mouth?”
I was a snack before I was a mom. Now I’m a Happy Meal because I come with kids and toys.
Sometimes the mom who wants to be a Pinterest mom is more of an Amazon Prime mom. And that’s okay.
Observations on Motherhood
What's the only thing kids can't sleep through? The creaking of the floor when a mom sneaks away.
What do magnets and children have in common? They both get stuck to things they're not supposed to.
Mom’s recipe for iced coffee: Have children. Make coffee. Totally forget you made coffee. Drink it cold. Voilà!
How did one mom give another mom kudos? “That is so mom point.”
The motherhood challenge: Go to bed early to catch up on sleep or stay awake to finally get some alone time.
Being a mom is constantly cleaning up after a party you didn’t attend.
There’s no hood like motherhood.
You know you’re a mom when you have a sticky purse — with no logical explanation.
You know you’re a mom when you legit have favorite episodes of “Bluey.”
If being a mom was easy, dads would do it.
Great parenting is somewhere between, “Don’t do that!” and “Ah, what the heck?”
In life you don’t get a manual. You get a mom.
New Mom Jokes
What do newborns and new moms have in common? You both go home from the hospital in diapers.
Mom math: The ability to rattle off the exact number of months, weeks or days your child is at a moment's notice.
Ever wonder why Mama Bear’s porridge was too cold? Now you know.
Nap time is the new “Happy Hour.”
“Sure, you can hold my newborn without cleaning your hands,” said no new mom ever.
Wondering if my baby is sleeping through the night? Don’t. And no.
When your baby looks like a model and you’re on day three of the same sweatpants.
Spit up: The new must-have accessory.
This article was originally published on TODAY.com
