How 5 Women Coped After Learning Their Cancer Returned
What’s it like to think you’ve conquered cancer, only to find out you actually haven’t? That’s the question we asked five women, each of whom believed they were cancer-free until doctors told them otherwise. In some cases, the same type of cancer had returned; for others, it was a different type altogether.
What helped each of them face the big C for the second time were the very tools that worked during their first diagnosis-staying active, accepting the support of family and friends, and maintaining a positive attitude. Here, they share the details of their coping strategies.
Jen Hanks
“I was on a winning streak,” says Jen Hanks, an elite-level mountain bike racer who lives in Las Vegas, Nevada. She’d successfully battled breast cancer and was back to doing the thing she loves most: competing. “With an increased focus on self-care and nutrition and the grit and gratitude that comes from having undergone cancer treatment, I was stronger than ever, and my race results reflected it.”
She had just claimed the third in a string of first-place wins when she felt a lymph node in her armpit that seemed to be changing. Soon after, an ultrasound confirmed her suspicions: Her breast cancer was back.
Having faced it before, she already knew the importance of exercise and good nutrition. “My very best coping mechanism was to ride my mountain bike,” she says. “It always makes me feel strong and free, and this was especially true during cancer treatment. Wearing a bike helmet also made me look like every other cyclist and gave me respite from being a cancer patient.”
So, just as she did during her first battle with cancer, she rode her bike to every chemo infusion. She also came up with a mantra: I am strong, I am healthy, I am super-duper fast. “Saying these positive-and a little bit silly-words brought me confidence and a sense of calm during a very scary time.”
Now, she says, “I am six years out from my recurrence, and I’m healthy, happy, and most importantly, in remission.”
Kathy Livingston
After beating breast cancer for the second time, Kathy Livingston decided to move to Torrance, California with her husband to be near their daughter, son-in-law, and granddaughters. That’s when her new oncologist called with a follow-up from a recent check-up: She had ovarian cancer. “It was like a bomb went off. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing,” says Livingston, now 75.
Knowing there’s plenty you can’t control with cancer, she focused on what she could. She sought out an oncologist who not only had an excellent track record, but also maintained a positive outlook (“He said, ‘We’ll beat this!’”).
She also educated herself on what was ahead, learning medical terms so she could communicate with her healthcare team, and she made sure a family member accompanied her to every appointment. “Chemo brain is a reality,” she says. “I couldn’t have made it without my family, who took on the roles of secretary, liaison, chauffeur, housekeeper, and cook.”
Her coping strategy included a mix of both the practical and personal: She kept a journal and made daily entries detailing procedures and how she felt; she wrote poetry “to express, pain, love, memories, funny stories that happen along the way”; and she invested in a pretty wig. “The body is resilient,” she says. “And it’s true what people say about coming through cancer with your loved ones: It makes you much more aware of what love is.”
Kristine Feher
Even after living cancer free for five years, Kristine Feher never fully believed she’d conquered the disease. “There’s a little bit of survivor’s guilt wondering if you can be lucky enough to get through this when others you know have not,” says Feher, an attorney in Chatham, New Jersey. “But eventually, over time, you start to believe that it’s behind you.”
Until you see that it isn’t.
In 2017, nine years after she was treated for cervical cancer, Feher began developing hard, ropey bumps beneath the skin on her arms and legs, the result-as it turns out-of superficial blood clots associated with cancer. This time, it had spread to her intestines and one of her ovaries.
Having battled the big C before, Feher had a road-tested coping strategy: “I kept moving,” she says. “I was adamant that I didn’t want to let cancer control my life or take away things that were important to me.” The day after her first chemo treatment, she flew to North Carolina for a Moms’ weekend at her daughter’s sorority; she went shopping with friends even when her neuropathy got so bad she could barely walk; and she made two trips to Europe-where her daughter was studying abroad-after she completed her treatment.
Now, a year later, she’s back to her old self in some of the obvious ways-her hair has grown back, for example-but she still struggles with gastrointestinal issues caused by the radiation, and is often fatigued and has trouble concentrating. Even so, she considers herself lucky. “When I was diagnosed the second time, overshadowing my fear was gratitude that it was me, and not my husband or kids, who got sick,” she says. “I try to view every day as the gift that it is and recognize the rest as insignificant in comparison.”
Tracy Maxwell
When Tracy Maxwell was diagnosed with a rare form of ovarian cancer in 2006, she was offered a bit of reassurance: Although recurrence is likely with her type of cancer-granulosa cell tumor (GCT)-her doctors would be able to spot it early on because it tends to grow slowly.
At 49, Maxwell, a healing coach and author of Being Single With Cancer, has faced cancer four times. “Being told you have it the first time is shocking,” she says. “Hearing you have cancer again can be devastating.”
Even worse, she knows it isn’t a matter of if her cancer will return, but when. How does she cope with the inevitability? She looks for the lessons the disease can teach her. “Cancer made me very spiritual,” says Maxwell, who meditates regularly and practices qigong (Chinese, for “energy work”), a form of martial arts that involves a series of postures and exercises to open up muscles, joints, and tendons. Helping others-by organizing canoe trips for other solo survivors and blogging about what it’s like to be a single woman with cancer-has also helped.
“I’ve learned how strong I am and how much I’m loved,” she says. “I’ve gotten better through of all this at asking for and receiving help in a variety of ways-from meals to financial assistance to emotional support. I used to think my strength meant doing it all myself. Now I know that it takes a tremendous amount of strength to identify and ask for what you need.”
Delilah Talbot
Delilah Talbot was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer in 2011. In the two-and-a-half years that followed, she underwent 10 surgeries, eight dose-dense chemotherapy treatments, more than 40 rounds of radiation, and several months of physical therapy. Just as her life was beginning to return to normal, her cancer returned in 2017-this time to her spine. “It was like night and day,” says Talbot, 39. “One day I had no evidence of disease, and the next I was right back to being a terminal stage 4 cancer patient.”
Fighting this familiar enemy a second time has helped her learn the importance of living each day with intention. “You can live in fear of the end, or you can use [cancer] to fuel your choices and propel you into a grander life than you ever thought possible,” she says. “I don’t want to waste one second caught up in ‘Why me?’ I’d rather be present and enjoy every single moment that I have.”
So she looks for ways to be grateful for the challenges her health presents. “I recommend being grateful for every person who shows you their support,” says Talbot, who lives in Fort Lee, New Jersey, with her 11-year-old son. “Take it day by day, be mindful of what could happen or not happen, but don’t let those things stop you from doing anything that you actually want to do. Because in the end, you don’t want to regret never having tried.”
In other words: “Have dessert first, visit that city you’ve always wanted, have lots of late nights laughing with the people you love,” she adds. “And, above all, live!”
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