5 lessons from Brooke Shields on womanhood: 'Clarity is a perk of aging'

Brooke Shields wants to talk about menopause.

“Brooke Shields is Not Allowed to Get Old: Thoughts on Aging as a Woman” (out now from Macmillan) is a vulnerable conversation off the heels of several other tributes to the voices and desires of perimenopausal/menopausal women including “The Substance" starring Demi Moore, “Babygirl,” starring Nicole Kidman and Miranda July’s novel “All Fours.”

Essentially, the Hollywood veteran's thesis is this: Women can’t win. Age “gracefully” and you’re seen as a product of a bygone era, a has-been. Intervene with cosmetics and procedures and you’ll be vilified for being superficial.

But “Brooke Shields is Not Allowed to Get Old” is not without hope. The memoir is both a love letter and a manifesto, encouraging the taboo topics about womanhood and aging. Here are five lessons we learned as we read.

1. Know yourself, trust yourself: Medical self-advocacy

Reflecting on several medical procedures, Shields shares the times doctors have diminished her pain or talked down to her.

Among the bombshell revelations from Shields’ memoir was an intimate, non-consensual surgery she experienced during a labiaplasty to relieve long-time discomfort. But when she woke up, she realized she had been “given a younger vagina,” she writes, without her consent or desire. The doctor bragged about giving her a “little rejuvenation.”

On another occasion, Shields had precancerous cells removed from her cervix but was not informed that the procedure would potentially affect her ability to get pregnant. She later had several rounds of IVF and a miscarriage.

When she had a grand mal seizure from low sodium levels, the doctors assumed she was on a fad diet, even though it was really because she was drinking too much water while preparing for a show.

Here, Shields makes her plea for self-advocacy: “I’m not a health care expert. Not even close. But I am a Brooke Shields expert,” she writes.

“If a doctor wants to write me off due to my gender or my age, I can’t stop them, but that doesn’t mean I’ll defer to them or shrink to accommodate their assumptions,” Shields writes. “I’m not going to shy away from advocating for myself to make someone else more comfortable.”

2. We need to talk about menopause more

Shields wants an open dialog about menopause. Conversation creates community, she writes. Shields advocates for more studies on hormone therapy and interventions, destigmatizing and empowering women with resources so they don’t “suffer in silence.”

But she also flips the script on menopause as a dark cloud over aging. “The way we talk about it could use some improvement,” she writes. Yes, there are negative side effects, but Shields credits her maturing body with helping to solidify her resolve, giving her a new perspective on time management and giving her the confidence to ignore trivial matters.

“Menopause, too, is not all I am. It’s a part of this life stage, and it’s one that hasn’t been taken nearly seriously enough, but it’s not the entirety,” she writes.

3. ‘I’m never going to retire’: Ambition has no expiration date

A first-time CEO in her fifties, Shields was inspired to start her haircare business for women over 40 because of the way society talks about aging women. Instead of harping on the reasons you’re too old to start that new business or try a new creative passion, Shields encourages women (and herself) to make the leap. Ambition, she writes, is not about the next biggest thing but about what will challenge and motivate you.

“The idea that our age requires us to justify why we want to try something new is, in itself, a sign of a problem,” she writes.

Shields laments the gendered double standard of “ambition” as a dirty word for women, as well as the stereotype that women's passions grow stale at a certain age.

“I actually feel more ambitious than ever, because I’m so clear on what I want. That clarity is a perk of aging. And I’m pretty clear on what I don’t want to do, also,” Shields writes.

4. ‘Motherhood is an identity, but it’s also a shield’

A mother to two young adult daughters, Shields describes crying during first-time college drop-offs and mourning the family dynamic of years past. But she shares bits of joy from this new chapter of parenthood such as taking a solo trip to Italy on the way to visit her daughter who was studying abroad, drinking a glass of wine with her now-adult children and connecting with her husband in a new way.

Shields describes motherhood as an “identity” and a “shield.” When the kids are gone and out of the house, it’s a scary but fruitful opportunity to understand yourself on another level.

“Finding yourself in a period where you are no longer needed in the same ways may not only free you up to focus on other activities and yourself, but it also forces you to confront yourself. To own up to who you are, and what you want or need,” she writes.

5. The joy of new friendships in middle adulthood

Shields reflects on the changing nature of friendship in this phase of life; wanting to limit her inner circle and also to invest in new friendships. Here, she pens a tribute to her friend and fellow actor Ali Wentworth, who taught her new and meaningful friendships in middle adulthood are possible.

Maturing has helped her feel “much more intentional” about friendships.

“In my younger years, I was less discerning. I felt obligated to give everyone equal time and ran myself ragged. At this age, you really start needing the good people, and quite frankly, I’ve become more stoic with anybody who doesn’t gel with my life,” she writes.

Looking for your next great read? USA TODAY has you covered.

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Clare Mulroy is USA TODAY’s Books Reporter, where she covers buzzy releases, chats with authors and dives into the culture of reading. Find her on Instagram, check out her recent articles or tell her what you’re reading at [email protected].

This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Brooke Shields’ new memoir talks womanhood, menopause: 5 takeaways