5 emotional archetypes that cause us to spend — which one are you?
Have you ever been so angry that you can't see straight? So frustrated that you start to sweat and hear your heartbeat inside your ears? So lonely that the pain thumps in your chest so loudly you fear that the person next to you can hear it? What about fear? Have you ever left work in complete dread, wondering if you’ll have a job to return to the next day?
Related: Want to try a spending fast? Here’s a step-by-step guide.
Our emotions are embedded in our decision-making, and if you're not quiet enough to hear them, they can run your whole life. From your coffee in the morning to your glass of wine at night, you will never be able to control your finances if you don't understand your emotional landscape.
Our emotions design our spending habits, and we each have a unique blueprint for how and why we spend. It might feel overwhelming to focus on the money aspect of our finances, so why not look at the emotional component first? You'll learn more about how to change your relationship with money through the lens of your emotions.
Here are the five major emotional archetypes that cause us to spend.
1. The self-soother
Imagine yourself in these two scenarios:
Your day just took a turn. You’re experiencing blinding anger and frustration. You had planned a lovely, quiet evening at home, cooking dinner to save money. Out of frustration, you ditch that plan. Instead, you call a friend, then an Uber, and head to the bar. Your good and reasonable intentions for the evening just evaporated.
Or
“You won't believe what happened to me! I just got recruited for the job of my dreams, so I bought that blazer I've had my eye on!”
The soother archetype soothes or rewards themselves through instant gratification while using external experiences to justify their spending. They avoid doing activities that don't yield immediate results, like budgeting or forecasting. They might not be in debt, but they’re not in control either. The emotional spender can mitigate the damage by pausing before reacting.
Related: ??The most common money mistakes people make in their 20s
2. The lonely spender
This spender is motivated by fear of being alone. Loneliness can be lots of things. It could be the absence of meaningful relationships or it could feel like you’re disconnected from yourself.
The lonely spender archetype will spend money they don't have or spend time with people they don't like simply to avoid the discomfort of feeling alone. This could mean mindlessly shopping after work or agreeing to dinner plans with a coworker they don’t even like. Occupied by avoiding their pain, this archetype usually feels stressed about their finances but thinks it's a problem for a different day.
Those who fit this description must learn the practice of stillness in order to acknowledge their financial reality.
3. The influenced
The “influenced” spender uses other people's lives as benchmarks for their happiness. They compare what they have, where they eat, and how much money they make to their friends, family, old high school classmates or strangers they see on social media. They base their spending habits on what other people do instead of looking at what they can afford.
An influenced emotional spender is likely to get into debt by trying to keep up with more affluent people around them and giving the appearance that they’re someplace in life that they’re not. Very few people might know the truth about this archetype’s circumstances, which makes them feel isolated and further enforces their need to have more.
When this person is feeling most inferior (or, worse, resentful), I always suggest they remind themselves who they are by calling a friend going through a difficult time or doing something they love.
Related: Want to spend less? Make these 7 changes in your phone settings.
4. The non-planner
This emotional spender can't be bothered to make weekend plans or choose a restaurant, so they hand the decision over to their friends, coworkers or loved ones.
When planning a big event like a wedding, they'll wait until the last minute to make final decisions, which costs them time, money and sleep. This archetype typically is a decision-maker at work or someone who struggles with analysis paralysis. To them, it feels easier to hand off “lifestyle” decisions to someone else, even if that means they spend way more than they can afford. They typically avoid budgets and long-term financial planning and assume someone else will figure it out for them, which can have detrimental consequences if that someone else is not qualified (hint: most people are not qualified).
At work, they may have everything together, but in their personal life, this archetype often keeps little control over how they spend and what truly makes them happy. The best thing for this archetype to do is ask themselves, "What do I like to do," or "What do I want to do?" It might ruffle some feathers, but it's crucial to gaining control over their finances.
Related: How to build credit without a credit card
5. The FOMO-er
Fear and sales psychology go hand in hand. Anytime there's a threat of a natural disaster, supermarkets get cleared out. During the fall of 2021, new sources warned us to get our holiday shopping done early or we might miss out! And consumers listened; they spent 14.1% more than the previous year. Supply chains, huh?
"What if" is so deeply ingrained in our neuroactivity that it's so easy to get lost in fear. We are motivated by a desire to win. We jump at sales and use them as an excuse to stock up because part of our brain fears loss. We consume scary news every day, then consume goods, food, drugs and booze to numb the noise. We internalize difficult situations as a sign we are unsafe. This causes us to leap into action in the name of safety and security — even if that means dipping into retirement accounts to pay off credit card debt or never spending for fear of losing all your money. The “FOMO-er” emotional spender typically fills their space with things they don’t need but had to get simply because it was on sale. By learning to trust their gut and embrace fear as a natural part of our human makeup, “what if” spenders can control their reactions to fear and prevent unnecessary spending.
Take the next few weeks to examine how many purchases relate to a specific emotion. How many were unnecessary, and how many involved little to no thought? You'll learn a lot about yourself and where you can cut spending to achieve your financial goals.
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