4 ways to stop emotional spending

Money is weird. Having it, spending it, talking about it – it can all be a little anxiety-provoking. Money is emotional. “Our relationship with money isn’t logical to begin with,” AJ Schneider, a financial coach and healer, tells Chegg. “Something sets you off unexpectedly, and you go get a drink. Get a coffee, have a cigarette, go shopping online when you don’t actually need something.”

There is a difference, of course, between shopping for joy and necessities versus emotional spending, and unfortunately, you might not be able to differentiate between the two until the deed is already done.

“Are you afraid to look at your credit card statement?” Schneider asks. “Are you feeling guilty? Do you have buyer’s remorse? Do you even remember that you purchased something?” It’s important to clock those feelings to try to understand the impetus behind your purchases.

Related: Want to spend less? Make these 7 changes in your phone settings.

Emotional spending is often a result of – and can also lead to – avoidance. Avoidance of feeling your feelings and, consequently, avoidance of your finances. So, how can you break through and stop the habit?

First, understand (and allow) the feelings that lead to emotional spending

“Fear is probably the biggest motivator for why we spend,” Schneider says. This could be fear of missing an opportunity (how many LAST CHANCE SALE emails have you impulsively clicked on?) and, at its most primal level, fear for survival, says Schneider. Your brain makes you think you need this thing – or will never have enough – to survive.

There’s also the fear of missing out or feeling less than. In an influencer-driven society, we are constantly being targeted by the next shinier, “better” thing instead of being encouraged to take stock and feel gratitude for the things we already have.

“You might feel less than, like everyone has enough except you,” she says. That could lead you to feeling like you have the right to buy things just because you feel like you should be able to – even when you can’t afford them.

Then, take the “not sexy” road forward

The best defense against emotional spending? “It’s not sexy, but the simplest, most direct way is by budgeting,” Schneider says. Your budgeting strategy has to be realistic, she adds. Cutting yourself off from everything you enjoy is not going to, well, cut it.

Related: Want to try a spending fast? Here’s a step-by-step guide.

“People feel that, in order to pay off debt and save, there are these extreme gestures they have to make,” she says. “They can never go shopping; they have to only eat ramen. There’s no middle ground. People are very attracted to extremes because they think they will give them long-term success — but it’s only going to work in the short term.”

Instead, Schneider recommends working the things you love into your budget. “Obviously, everyone’s personal finances are personal, but if I see someone who is, say, spending $500 a month on clothing, maybe we try to cut it down to $250,” she says. “Then, when you get the impulse to shop emotionally, your budget cuts it with a knife. Making that boundary helps you say ‘Wait, we’re only going to spend $250 on clothing.’”

Next, get ahead of spending

It’s one thing to analyze your spending habits once the money is gone from your account. But it’s also important to stop the behavior in its tracks. Schneider recommends tactics like writing out a list of the things that trigger you. When you have this written down, you have a reference point to come back to and can manage your reaction before succumbing to emotional spending. Choose a distraction that’ll keep you from reaching for your card. “Take a deep breath. Go take a walk. Whatever your version is, get some space from the situation,” Schneider says.

When it comes to feeling comparative, it might be time to take a break from social media — or people who make you feel like you need to be keeping up. Consider muting or unfollowing accounts that trigger that spending desire, and notice if anything changes in the weeks that follows.

Related: Conventional budgeting rules (usually) don’t work. Try this instead.

You also might try a gratitude mantra to help you realize that you are enough and you have enough. Try something like, “I have everything I need,” and remind yourself that it’s okay to miss out on a sale.

Know that change takes time

All of this advice is moot if you’re not ready to confront your finances. It takes time for a person to be ready to set financial boundaries  and create a budget — this stuff is really hard (and emotional)!

Related: ??The most common money mistakes people make in their 20s

But it’s so important. “If you aren’t willing to assert your agency in your relationship with money, you’ll never feel like you are fully the decision-maker of your own life,” Schneider says. When you’re ready to embrace change around your money habits, you’ll be on the path to getting in control of your money and your mental health, too.

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