4 expert tips for avoiding parental burnout
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Modern parents are under so much stress that the U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy issued a national advisory sounding the alarm about the "critical public health issue." Time and money were stressors for parents of older generations, but parents today also have to deal with the looming presence of social media, a teen mental health crisis, and what Murthy called the "epidemic of loneliness." His report included an American Psychological Association study where nearly 48% of parents with children under 18 said that their stress was overwhelming on most days, compared to only 26% of non-parents.
Murthy called for "policy changes and expanded community programs" in his advisory warning. But in the meantime, there are also some steps experts say parents can take to manage their stress.
Structure how you spend your time
When keeping track of your kids' increasingly busy schedules and handling household responsibilities begins to feel impossible, take a step back and look at how you are spending your time. To keep everyone sane, add some structure to your schedule to ensure you'll have downtime. When balancing work, school and activities, "stick to boundaries and routine" so that at certain times of night during the week, "everyone is shut down," therapist Alyza Berman said to The Atlanta Journal-Constitution. Once "everyone is in their own corner," parents "can at least take a breath."
It may also be beneficial to simplify the number of activities your kids engage in by being more selective. "You don't need to go to two different birthday parties for 4-year-olds in a single weekend," Anna Seewald, a psychologist and host of the "Authentic Parenting" podcast, said to CNN. "Preserving and protecting your own energy and time is more important."
Find your tribe
Being a parent can be lonely and isolating at times, so it is important to remember to connect with people outside of your household — especially other parents. Making time to see a friend can help you "vent and talk about problems and get the emotional support you need, even if it's limited and you see one person each week," Seewald said to CNN. You may even find that other parents are having similar feelings. "There is the potential for connection in loneliness," Sam Carr, a self-proclaimed "scholar of loneliness" and professor at the University of Bath, said to CNBC Make It. Sharing those feelings "provides the potential for us to have compassion for each other, for us to embrace each other's vulnerability."
Take care of your needs
Neglecting your own personal needs will likely compound your stress — so it is essential to take small pockets of time to practice self-care. Even if you just play music and "dance with your kids and are silly for 10 minutes," there's a good chance it'll improve your mood, Seewald said. "Little interventions like that make a big difference, and they're free." Spending time in nature also helps alleviate stress without any added cost. It "regulates the nervous system and gives you a sense of awe and connects you to something bigger," Seewald said.
It is additionally important to prioritize rest and foster an environment in which you can unwind after a long day. "Parents often treat their children's bedtime routines with great respect but then neglect their own," Carlene MacMillan, a psychiatrist and the founder of Brooklyn Minds, said to Healthline. A lack of sleep can torpedo your mood and is a "recipe for increased stress for everyone in the household," she added.
Be gentle with yourself
The pressure put on parents is often external, but parents can also put high expectations on themselves. Some may expect to "always be calm and patient and have well-behaved kids who do a lot of extracurricular activities," Seewald said, but "high expectations and social comparisons lead to big resentments and frustration." It is better to be realistic about your own limitations and goals, and practice self-compassion along the way by "being kind and gentle with ourselves when we make mistakes," Seewald said. "Feeling inadequate and shameful is a recipe for failure."
