Women Are Sharing The Reasons To End A Relationship That Aren't Talked About Enough, And It's Cathartic
Reddit user u/Grand_Gate_8836 asked the community of r/AskWomen, "What is a very underrated reason for breaking up from your S.O.?" Women promptly replied to the question detailing their own breakup situations. Here's what they shared:
1."He prioritized his friends over me. I think prioritizing friends and family is important, but it got to a point where I was miserable. We were both in our mid-30s, and he wanted to always go to parties and bars to see his friends. We never had quality time together. It reached its breaking point when my aunt suffered cardiac arrest and was airlifted from 700 km away to the hospital in my city. Instead of coming to the hospital with me, or even emotionally supporting me when I went to be with her, he went to the bar and got drunk. I didn't even get a text or call for 24 hours. He just disappeared. When I got upset, he said, 'Seeing Dave is more important. He's my friend.' I broke up with him the next day. My aunt died a few hours later."
2."He and his mother were too dependent on each other, which annoyed me."
"My current S.O. calls his mom multiple times a day, and vice-versa. Sometimes, even just briefly, for a few minutes. It is sweet, but it's a lot. I feel like he talks to her more than he does me about stuff. At first, I found it endearing, but now I find it annoying and problematic."
3."Porn addiction. Society has brainwashed people into thinking this is normal behavior."
4."Video games are far more important than spending time with their partner. I'm a very simple person. I don't care about gifts or having money spent on myself. Let's walk in the park; just spend some time with me. My ex-husband would find any excuse not to spend time with me. The most common was, 'Gas costs money. I'd rather hang out at home.' His idea of 'hanging out' was him playing video games with his online friends while I sat quietly watching TV, but with a low volume so his friends wouldn't be 'distracted.'"
"God forbid I laughed at all. He'd get so mad at me for it. When I hit 30, I had enough. I left and haven't seen him since. I'm in a much better place now. I have a husband and a baby. He loves spending time with us as a family. We go out for supper together and go to the national park 15 minutes away just to get out of the house. You don't have to stay in a relationship you're unhappy with. Any reason is a valid reason to leave."
5."Peter Pan syndrome. When my 60-year-old boyfriend told me (53F) the reason he had not one dollar saved for his retirement is because he is a 'risk taker' and I'm not, I realized I'd have to support him for the rest of his life while he looked down on me for it. So, I walked away."
6."Poor boundaries with the other women in his life. Whether it's his female friends or an overbearing mother, emotional enmeshment and weird blurring of roles for the people in his life have always resulted in pain for me. Partners should have each others' backs."
7."At the risk of sounding petty: Your partner doesn't 100% love how you look, even if they try to spin it positively. I mean statements like, 'She's not beautiful, but I love her personality and sense of humor,' or 'She's a five on a good day, but I guess so am I, or 'She's not what I'd consider my type, but there's something about her.' I appreciate honesty as much as one can, but in my opinion, this is just depressing. Beauty comes in so many different shapes and forms. How can someone not find it in a person they claim to love? It basically means your S.O. is settling for you and will forever compare you to some kind of ideal you don't match."
"An ex saw a picture of me when I was super into the gym (I was a size 8, I think) and before I had my girl. 'Wow! No offense, but I wish you'd look like that.' Just because you say 'no offense' doesn't mean you can say whatever you want after it and not offend me."
8."I think bad mental health can be a big reason for splitting from someone. Nobody tells you how lonely it can get to be with someone who has mental health issues. It can take years to understand them and eventually realize that you can't help them until they choose to help themselves. This is due to severe unawareness of mental health issues, I feel."
9."I once broke up with a guy because I found a skidmark in his undies. Hygiene is incredibly important to me. The guy didn't smell or anything, but every time I looked at him, all I could see was a dirty butthole. If you can't do the basic task of washing or wiping your bootyhole correctly, I'm not going stick around to figure out what other nasty habits you have."
10."Anything hygiene-related, like not flushing the toilet properly/not using bleach and a toilet brush. You'd be surprised how many have this bad habit. They don't wipe the shower/bath down. If you're going to be filthy, you need to have your own bathroom. I know someone who's otherwise outwardly clean, but he would be generally considered quite filthy given certain bad habits."
11."I broke up because I was planning and initiating all dates and affection. I needed more effort from his side, and I wouldn't beg for it."
12."I broke up with someone with very conflicting interests and hobbies who assumed I would just be on board with taking those hobbies up with him. I like the outdoors. I do not like devoting every weekend to hiking."
13."Sometimes you're just not feeling it anymore. Maybe they did nothing wrong, but your feelings gradually fade. It's not 'fair' that someone would get dumped when they have been a good partner, but at the same time, it wouldn't be fair to them to stay in the relationship when your feelings for them aren't what they used to be."
14."You wouldn't marry them. I wasted so much time dating people I didn't instantly see myself spending the rest of my life with. If it's not a hell yes, it's a hell no. No maybes allowed. If they don't tick all your boxes from day one and each day isn't validation of those boxes being ticked, you're just wasting your time."
15."You know, one thing that doesn't get talked about enough is having different life goals and values as a reason for breaking up with someone. It's not just about whether you both like the same movies or enjoy the same hobbies. It's about where you see yourselves going in life and what you believe in. Imagine you're super into traveling the world and experiencing new cultures, but your partner is more about settling down in one place and building a stable career. It might not seem like a big deal at first, but those differences can wear on the relationship over time. You might feel like you're not on the same page about the important stuff, like where you want to live or what you want to prioritize in life."
"Having different life goals and values might not be the most obvious reason to break up, but it can definitely be a deal-breaker if you're not aligned in those areas."
"This is precisely why I ended my last relationship. I still love them immensely, but I can't be with someone who has no life goals/plans and isn't as into traveling the world as I am. I want someone to share life experiences with, and someone who will also help me plan those experiences too! I don't want to find other people to share those amazing experiences with just to come home and recap them for my partner."
16."They're just not making you happy. You're not happy with them, and you feel, deep down, that you could be happier elsewhere, either alone or with someone else. They're a good, kind person, a responsible adult, but they're not 'it' for you. This is often considered a trivial reason to end a relationship or marriage, but it's such a BIG DEAL. You should want to be happy and should want them to be happy, too! You know when you're not happy. This idea that you should only leave a partnership or friendship because of something deemed 'more serious' doesn't feel right to me."
"One of the hardest things is walking away from someone who is not abusing you, is good on paper, but it is just NOT doing it for you because society will always shame people, especially women, for leaving because of unhappiness. We are taught to not listen to ourselves."
17."Honestly, the maturity levels. Many women believe they can bring their partner up to speed, but why should you take on that labor in the first place? There were a lot of reasons my last relationship didn't work out, but I have realized since then that he simply wasn't on my level in terms of maturity. I am someone who has no familial support network and didn't grow up with money, while his family was incredibly involved with each other and independently wealthy. He had no self-initiative and was happy to sit in discomfort until someone came and fixed it for him. I am very empathetic and always working towards improving not just my own life, but the lives of those I care about. He was happy to profit from that and not support me in the ways I requested."
18."Incompatible cleaning habits. Seems like an easy thing to remedy, but in reality, different standards of cleanliness will create an uneven burden of domestic labor for the partner with higher standards, create a living environment in which that partner is uncomfortable, or create a situation where the partner with lower standards feels constantly berated/nagged to do something they don't see as benefitting them in any way. For this reason, I know multiple couples who broke up at or just before the 'moving in' stage, and I think it's a super valid way to decide you're not compatible in a long-term domestic relationship."
19."Weaponized incompetence."
20."Constant arguing, especially if you’ve been dating less than two years. I think some people think fighting is normal in a relationship. And of course, some disagreements are normal. But, if you've been together for less than two years and have fought a lot, I think that's a sign of deep incompatibility that can't really be 'worked on.'"
21."It felt like parenting and like I was always hanging out with a kid. I was doing all the work, all the driving, and all the planning. It was like I was managing a child. This ain't my job."
22."Not agreeing on where you want to live. I've seen people start a relationship while one or both were living abroad, thinking, 'We'll figure it out.' But, building a life and having kids somewhere far from your roots, or just in a place you don't like, is a lot."
23."Lack of communication skills, even if accidentally. It can still cause a lot of friction if communication is non-existent. Learn how to talk your problems out instead of exhibiting passive aggression."
24.And: "They have no ambition of their own, do not want to do anything unless you do it with/for them, do not grow themselves, and are only cheerleaders for you. Not having a life outside of you. It's very smothering and exhausting for me to always guide us and make all the plans."
What's the major reason you ended a past relationship? Tell us in the comments.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
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