17 Easy, Fun Ways to Make Friends in a New City
So, you unpacked all the moving boxes and filled your pantry with groceries—you even have new curtains and light fixtures on the way. But just because your house is starting to become a home doesn’t mean your new city really feels like home yet—especially if you left friends behind.
It can seem overwhelming and lonely to try and form a new circle, but trust us, with time, you'll develop new relationships while you keep in touch with your long-distance pals. We spoke with Lewis Elliot, a certified life coach, and Samantha Kane, a New York City–based psychotherapist, for tips about making friends in a new city. After all, we are in the midst of what the surgeon general is calling a loneliness epidemic, so it’s important to forge through initial discomfort and build new friendships.
“Community is a lifeline; it’s a human need to feel and be connected with the world around us,” says Elliot. “Having friendships with people who live around us helps nourish that part of our human need for connection.” From being invited to go run errands to a more formal gathering like Friendsgiving, local friendships play a key role in helping us avoid those feelings of loneliness and isolation. “Making new friends after moving somewhere, especially as an adult, is justifiably daunting,” he says. “It can be emotionally exhausting, and takes a real effort, so let’s give ourselves some compassion.”
There are plenty of ways to meet people and build new friendships, and what works best will vary based on your personality, hobbies, schedule, and more. “It’s important to remember that however you decide to go about expanding your network, it may feel like work at times, but there should be something enjoyable about it, otherwise it will likely be difficult to keep up,” says Kane. “Whichever approach you take, be curious and ask questions, and once you’ve established some common ground, initiate the next step.” For those next steps, keep reading.
1. Remember, everyone deserves and is worthy of great friendship
“When we embark on making friends, our insecurities come out of the woodwork,” says Elliot. Thoughts like Will they like me? and Am I cool? are valid, but remember that they’re fear-based. The first step is reminding yourself that you are worthy of the connections you crave, and be open to the people who gravitate toward you.
2. Embrace the awkward
There’s a strong chance making a new friend will feel a bit weird and forced at first—and that’s very natural. “It’s okay to be transparent about it,” says Elliot. “Sharing that you’re a little nervous can be liberating! And, chances are, other people looking for friends are just as nervous as you.” So if you’re making small talk at the gym or a book club, know that it could lead to something much deeper. “Change is typically uncomfortable,” he says. “However, it can, and often does, lead to an even better future.”
3. Ditch the urge to be a people pleaser
When those insecurities about being funny enough, cool enough, or whatever enough really start to get at you, it’s easy to hide certain parts of you or even fib about your interests to make yourself seem more likable. “It will feel good at the beginning, but relationships that don’t start out authentic often fizzle out,” says Elliot. “Don’t waste your time or theirs—be you.” The qualities you think make you weird are exactly what some people are looking for in a BFF.
4. Set goals
You can extend your goals to your friendships. “Creating and tracking small goals will build toward your larger goal of making new friends,” says Kane. For example, you may want to set a goal to talk to someone new once or twice a week, or to go to alumni networking events three times this year. “Working toward and reaching these smaller goals can help you focus on the progress you’re making. It can also be helpful to find ways to celebrate reaching your goals,” says Kane. She says that this is a great tool for people who are introverted or neurodivergent.
5. Get creative when making plans
Elliot suggests ditching the mentality that bars and other largely populated events are the only good places to meet a new friend. “So many of my clients will say things like, ‘But I’m not a bar person, so I’m doomed.’” There is a social world outside of alcohol, so think outside the box when inviting an acquaintance to hang out. Take a walk in the park, see a free concert, take a pottery class...the world is your oyster.
6. Lean on your existing network
“Setups can be platonic, too,” says Kane. Tell your friends and family that you’ve moved and ask if they know anyone living in the area. “Your old camp friend, former roommate, or cousin may have a great friend to connect you to in the area,” she says. Also, don’t discount sending an Instagram DM—people are more receptive to friends than you might think, especially if you have a few in common.
7. Remember that you don’t have to drink
“If you’re open to bars but not a drinker, ask for a mocktail,” says Elliot. “A lot of people feel uncomfortable abstaining from booze when they’re around a lot of people who are drinking, and that’s fair. Check in with yourself, and if you don’t want a million questions about why you don’t have a drink, grab a mocktail to hold.” Might we suggest, though, not spending a whole lot of time with people who bother you about not drinking?
8. Get involved in your new community
Have fun exploring your new city and yourself. "Consider getting to know community members while participating in a neighborhood running or walking group, volunteering for a local organization you care about, taking a photography or cooking class, getting involved in local politics, or dining solo at the bar and chatting up fellow diners,” says Kane. After you do a few things by yourself, you'll be more confident about joining events alone.
9. Chat to people wherever you tend to spend time
Start with your passions and hobbies. “Making friends is going to feel more natural when the environment is full of familiar things you know you can talk about,” says Elliot. This helps alleviate some of the anxiety about what to say, because you already have common ground.
10. Remember that you actually do know what you’re doing
There’s a very slim chance that prior to moving to your new city, you never had a friend. But it’s easy to forget that when your whole life just did a 180. “We know how to make friends; what we don’t like is feeling uncomfortable, or the idea that we may be rejected,” says Elliot.
11. Schedule time blocks for socializing
For introverts, social activity can be exhausting. “I invite individuals who are introverted and looking to build new friendships to consider scheduling a block or blocks of time each week dedicated to working toward this goal,” says Kane. This way, she says, you can plan ahead and prepare yourself mentally and emotionally.
12. Go for groups
Your weekly hobbies could be huge pools for potential friends. “I’ve met people in weekly fitness classes, gaming cafés, and life-coaching events, and at each of these events, I didn’t necessarily go into them eagerly looking for friends,” says Elliot. “Once I started seeing the same faces at my weekly or semi-consistent activities, I felt a confidence arise to take a chance and share a smile, a joke, or a simple ‘good morning.’” Take advantage of the social pools you’re already exposed to, such approaching as a coworker, someone in your exercise class, a frequenter of your favorite coffee spot, or another dog-parent at the dog park.
13. Try something new
“For you social butterflies: Take it to the clubs and bars; join a kickball league or a community-sponsored event,” suggests Elliot. Whether you’re an introvert, an extrovert, or an ambivert, there are plenty of new things to try that are outside your comfort zone, but not so much that you close yourself off. "When I didn’t have any friends after moving to a new city, I went to drag shows,” he says. “It was easy to be in a group of people, and I could choose to connect with others or just focus on the show without getting too in my head about being there alone.”
14. Download an app
If you're on the introverted side and the idea of making the first move IRL feels too scary, there's an app for that. Several, actually! “For those more introverted, try options like meet-up apps and websites that help you ease into things,” suggests Elliot. Why? Well, apps like Bumble BFF allow you to choose friends like you choose dates. And events you find on Facebook or Eventbrite will have a description, how many people will be there, the duration of the event, and even what you should prepare so you know exactly what to expect.
15. Change your mindset
“If you go into the situation thinking it’s going to be awful, you’re setting yourself up for yucky feelings, and there’s a slimmer possibility for an enjoyable time,” says Elliot. A nice reframe, he says, is acknowledging making friends as an adult feels super weird, and that’s okay. If it helps, pick up a journaling practice and allow your fears and apprehensions to flow on the page—and then leave them there.
16. Don’t discount work events
Work-sponsored events are great social opportunities for introverts, as well. “It’s easy to get the invite, everyone has a common connection, and it’s appropriate to leave whenever you want,” says Elliot. Plus, bonding over shared work wins or frustrations can create a basis for trust and deepen those connections.
17. Don’t be afraid to seek help
Living in a new city can be really exciting and fun, and it can also come with challenges. “There may be times while you’re growing your network that you feel very lonely,” says Kane. Acknowledge the difficulty of the process, honor your feelings, and commend yourself for the effort you’re putting in. “If the loneliness persists and it’s impacting your mental health, I recommend scheduling an appointment with a licensed mental health professional,” she says.
So, you unpacked all of the moving boxes and filled your pantry with groceries—you even have new curtains and light fixtures on the way. But just because your house is on its way to becoming a home doesn't mean your new city really feels like home yet—especially if you left friends behind.
It can feel overwhelming and lonely trying to form a new circle, but trust us, with time, you'll develop new relationships while you keep in touch with your long-distance pals. We spoke with Lewis Elliot, MA, certified life coach, and Samantha Kane, LMSW, a New York City-based psychotherapist for tips about making friends in a new city. After all, we are in the midst of what the Surgeon General is calling a loneliness epidemic, so it's integral to forge through initial discomfort and build new friendships.
“Community is a lifeline; it’s a human need to feel and be connected with the world around us," says Elliot. "Having friendships with people who live around us helps nourish that part of our human need for connection.” From being invited to go run errands to a more formal gathering like Friendsgiving, local friendships play a key role in helping us avoid those feelings of loneliness and isolation. “Making new friends after moving somewhere, especially as an adult, is justifiably daunting," he says. "It can be emotionally exhausting, and takes a real effort, so let’s give ourselves some compassion.”
There are plenty of ways to meet people and build new friendships, and what works best will vary based on your personality, hobbies, schedule, and more."It's important to remember that however you decide to go about expanding your network, it may feel like work at times, but there should be something enjoyable about it, otherwise it will likely be difficult to keep up," says Kane. "Whichever approach you use, when making new friends, be curious, ask questions, try to get to know people, and once you’ve established some common ground, initiate the next step." For those next steps, keep reading for some simple ideas.
Remember that everyone deserves and is worthy of great friendship
“When people embark on making friends, our insecurities come out of the woodwork," says Elliot. Thoughts like, “Will they like me?” and “Am I cool?” are valid, but remember that they're fear-based. The first step is reminding yourself that you are worthy of the connections you crave, and be open to the people who gravitate towards you.
Embrace the awkward
There's a strong chance making a new friend might feel a bit weird and forced at first—it's very natural. “It’s okay to be transparent about it," says Elliot. "Sharing that you're a little nervous can be liberating! And, chances are, other people looking for friends and are just as nervous as you.” So if you're making small talk at the gym or at a book club, know that it could lead to something much deeper. "Change is typically uncomfortable," he says. "However, it can, and often does, lead to an even better future.”
Ditch the urge to people please
When those insecurities about being funny enough, cool enough, or whatever enough really start to get at you, it's easy to hide certain parts of you or even fib about your interests to make yourself seem more likable. “It will feel good at the beginning, but relationships that don’t start out authentic often fizzle out," says Elliot. "Don’t waste your time or theirs—be you.” The qualities you think make you weird are exactly what some people are looking for in a BFF.
Set goals
You can extend your goals to your friendships. "Creating and tracking small goals that will build towards your larger goal of making new friends," says Kane. For example, you may want to set a goal to talk to someone new once or twice a week, or to go to alumni networking events three times this year. "Working towards and reaching these smaller goals can help you focus on the progress you’re making. It can also be helpful to find ways to celebrate reaching your goals,” says Kane. She says that this is a great tool for people who are introverted as well as people who are neurodivergent.
Get creative when making plans
Elliot suggests ditching the mentality that bars and other largely populated events are the only good places to meet a new friend. "So many of my clients will say things like, 'But I’m not a bar person, so I’m doomed'" There is a social world outside of alcohol, so think outside the box when inviting an acquaintance to hang out. Take a walk in the park, see a free concert, take a pottery class...the world is your oyster.
Lean on your existing network
“Set-ups can be platonic too," says Kane. Tell your friends and family that you’ve moved and ask if they know anyone living in the area. "Your old camp friend, former roommate, or cousin may have a great friend to connect you to in the area,” she says. Also, don't discount sending an Instagram DM—people are more receptive to friends than you might think, especially if you have a few in common.
Remember that you don't have to drink
“If you’re open to bars but not a drinker, ask for a mocktail," says Elliot. "A lot of people feel uncomfortable abstaining from booze when they’re around a lot of people who are drinking, and that’s fair. Check in with yourself, and if you don’t want a million questions about why you don’t have a drink, grab a mocktail to hold.” Might we suggest, though, not spending a whole lot of time with people who bother you about not drinking?
Get involved in your new community
Have fun exploring your new city and yourself. "Consider getting to know community members while participating in a neighborhood running or walking group, volunteering for a local organization you care about, taking a photography or cooking class, getting involved in local politics, or dining solo at the bar and chatting up fellow diners,” says Kane. After you do a few things by yourself, you'll be more confident about joining events alone.
Chat-up people wherever you tend to spend time
Start with your passions and hobbies. "Making friends is going to feel more natural when the environment is full of familiar things you know you can talk about," says Elliot. This helps alleviate some of the anxiety about what to talk about, because you already have common ground.
Remember that you actually do know what you're doing
There's a very slim chance that, prior to moving to your new city, you never had a friend. But it's easy to forget that when your whole life just did a 180. “We know how to make friends, what we don’t like is feeling uncomfortable, or the idea that we may be rejected,” says Elliot.
Schedule time blocks for socializing
For introverts, social activity can be exhausting. "I invite individuals who are introverted and looking to build new friendships to consider scheduling a block or blocks of time each week dedicated to working towards this goal," says Kane. This way, she says, you can plan ahead and prepare yourself mentally and emotionally.
Go for groups
Your weekly hobbies could be huge pools for potential friends. "I’ve met people in weekly fitness classes, gaming cafes, and life coaching events, and at each of these events, I didn’t necessarily go into them eagerly looking for friends," says Elliot. "Once I started seeing the same faces at my weekly or semi-consistent activities, I felt a confidence arise to take a chance and share a smile, a joke, or a simple 'good morning.'" Take advantage of the social pools you’re already exposed to such as your coworkers, someone in your exercise class, a frequenter of your favorite coffee spot, or another dog-parent at the dog park.
Try something new
“For you social butterflies: take it to the clubs, bars, join a kickball league, or a community sponsored event," suggests Elliot. Whether you're an introvert, extrovert, or ambivert, there are plenty of new things to try that are outside of your comfort zone, but not so much that you close yourself off. "When I didn’t have any friends after moving to a new city, I went to drag shows," he says. "It was easy to be in a group of people and I could choose to connect with others or just focus on the show without getting too in my head about being there alone.”
Download an app
If you're on the introverted side and the idea of making the first move IRL feels too scary, there's an app for that. Several, actually! “For those more introverted, try options like meet-up apps and websites that help you ease into things," suggests Elliot. Why? Well, apps like Bumble BFF allow you to choose friends like you choose dates. And events you find on Facebook or Eventbrite will have a description, how many people will be there, the duration of the event, and even what you should prepare so you know exactly what to expect.
Change your mindset
“If you go into the situation thinking it’s going to be awful, you’re setting yourself up for yucky feelings and there's a slimmer possibility for an enjoyable time," says Elliot. A nice reframe, he says, is acknowledging making friends as an adult feels super weird, and that’s okay. If it helps, pick up a journaling practice and allow your fears and apprehensions to flow on the page—and then leave them there.
Don't discount work events
Work-sponsored events are great events for introverts, as well. "It’s easy to get the invite, everyone has a common connection, and it’s appropriate to leave whenever you want,” says Elliot. Plus, bonding over shared work wins or frustrations can create a basis for trust and deepen those connections.
Don’t be afraid to seek help
Living in a new city can be really exciting and fun, and it can also come with challenges. "There may be times while you’re growing your network that you feel very lonely," says Kane. Acknowledge the difficulty of the process, honoring your feelings, and commending yourself for the effort you're putting in. "If the loneliness persists and it’s impacting your mental health, I recommend scheduling an appointment with a licensed mental health professional,” she says.
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