11 Common Behaviors of Authentic People—and One Thing They *Never* Do, According to Therapists
"Showing up as your authentic self" is a buzzy phrase. It rose in popularity during the pandemic, when the constant drumbeat of hardships made it challenging to hide behind a proverbial mask, even if you had a literal one on your face. But authenticity isn't just buzzy or trendy—it's vital and worth pursuing even though the calendar (thankfully) no longer reads 2020.
"When we’re courageous enough to be our true selves, we benefit from being seen, heard and accepted for who we are," says Alison McKleroy, LMFT, a licensed mindfulness-based cognitive behavioral therapist, author, and founder of Center for Spark. "When we practice being our true selves with others, we gain more fulfilling relationships and instill a sense of trust and integrity."
However, authenticity can have its downsides, according to a 2021 review. Mainly, by being "real," people may not mask their true feelings about a situation, something that's long been considered a "social grace." That being said, the review called being "real" healthy—an indicator of good mental health and well-being, mutually satisfying relationships and psychological maturation.
Though the truth can hurt, one therapist says that people appreciate realness.
"In today’s world, there are too many fakes, so people really appreciate an authentic person who they can trust," says Carole Lieberman, M.D., M.P.H., a board-certified psychiatrist in Beverly Hills.
What does it mean to be authentic? Experts shared 11 common behaviors of genuine people (and one thing you'll never catch a real-deal authentic person doing).
Related: Cultivate an Attitude of Gratitude With These 101 Things To Be Thankful For
What Does It Mean To Be an Authentic Person?
Put simply, Dr. Lieberman says that being authentic means that you are "true to yourself. It doesn’t mean trying to be what you think other people would like."
Authentic people are tuned into themselves, and this true sense of self manifests on the outside.
"You have an inner ethos that you ascribe to, and you fully believe in that," says a therapist and life coach, Daniel Rinaldi. "You are someone who strives to maintain integrity, openness,\ and being genuine as you walk through the world."
Why Are Authentic People Attractive?
Authentic people may keep it real and be the person to tell someone what they need to hear, even if it isn't what they want to hear. Experts share that those short-term sticky moments benefit authentic people in the long run. People who keep it real often find themselves surrounded by people who love and respect them.
"In a world where most people are trying hard to fit in, hiding behind masks, and worried about what other people think, being authentic is very attractive and draws people in," McKleroy says. "Authentic people radiate confidence and earn respect and admiration because they have the courage to put themselves out there and unapologetically be who they really are."
Though it may sometimes cause some discomfort, people mostly feel the opposite around an authentic person.
"This level of social comfort allows others to feel more comfortable in their presence and enjoy more freedom to be themselves, too," McKleroy says.
Related: The #1 Best Way To End a Card, According to Psychologists
11 Common Behaviors of Authentic People, According to Therapists
1. Authentic people express their opinions freely
You'll know where an authentic person stands.
"They do not feel the need to put on a fa?ade or conform to societal expectations," says Arielle Jordan, LCPC, an EMDR trauma therapist with Mindset Quality. "Their words and actions align with their true thoughts, feelings and values."
McKleroy agrees, saying that an authentic person exhibits this genuine expression even when it's hard.
"They are willing to speak their mind [and] give their honest opinion," McKleroy explains. "It takes enormous strength to stay vulnerable and open when there is the possibility of being rejected, judged, shamed or not being liked."
2. They say no
Authentic people aren't afraid to use the two-letter word that's difficult for some to hear but perhaps even more challenging to say.
"They are willing to set empowered boundaries to protect their important needs, like their time and well-being," Dr. McKleroy says. "They can say no to a request when they don’t want to do something. They don’t say yes just to keep the peace or avoid being rejected, which builds resentment."
Related: 6 Ways Being a People-Pleaser Can Ruin Your Relationships, According to Therapists
3. Authentic people respect boundaries
Authentic people don't just set boundaries. They respect the guardrails other people put in place.
"They understand that everyone has different limits and preferences and honor those boundaries," Jordan says.
4. They'll let you know when they're hurt
If you hurt an authentic person's feelings, don't expect them to brush it off with a tried-and-untrue "no worries!"
"Even when it’s hard for someone else to hear, they are brave enough to initiate difficult conversations in which they can share how they feel and what they need when harm has been done," McKleroy says. "They can be trusted to be real, which builds trust and makes their relationships stronger."
5. They self-reflect
Authentic people don't just spend time externalizing their realness. In fact, their genuine personalities often result from doing the work internally.
"People who are authentic are people who tend to invest time in self-reflection to understand their own motivations, feelings, emotions and actions," Rinaldi says.
This habit may involve therapy, journaling or quiet meditation at the end of each day.
Related: 15 Psychologist-Approved Phrases to Disagree Respectfully
6. Authentic people are consistent...
One of the most attractive qualities of authentic people is that they aren't wishy-washy.
"Authentic people tend to be more consistent in their beliefs and values, as they hold their morals and ethos to a higher value and aren't easily shaken by other people's positions," Rinaldi says.
Another therapist agrees.
"Authentic people try to put into practice what they say through their actions," says Aura De Los Santos, a clinical psychologist and specialist at NCHC National Coalition on Health Care (NCHC). "They don't try to say things simply to sell an image of something they want to be but are who they really are. This is authentic behavior because they live in coherence and congruence. They don't try to do or say things to fit in."
7. ...But not stuck in their ways
Authentic people may have a strong inner compass and sense of self, but they remain open-minded.
"Being open-minded is a huge part of being authentic, as authentic people are so grounded in their self-awareness that they have the ability to keep their minds open to other people's points of view," Rinaldi says.
8. They're lifelong learners
Open-mindedness has a major perk: Authentic people are constantly learning, which is exciting and fulfilling. Don't be surprised to find an authentic person signing up for a class on a topic that interests them rather than talking about it for years.
"Authentic individuals embrace personal growth and continuous learning. They are open to new ideas, perspectives and experiences," Jordan says. "They recognize that growth requires stepping out of their comfort zone and are willing to take on challenges to become their best version."
9. They pick their pleasure
Trends come and go—for example, pickleball has been hugely popular in recent years. It's genuinely fun for many. If an authentic person isn't into a buzzy new hobby? Don't expect them to stay on the bandwagon for long. Ditto for sipping PSLs they don't like or watching a buzzy new show.
"An authentic person finds their own books, music, hobbies, causes and other favorite things," Dr. Lieberman says. "They don’t pretend to like things because others think they’re cool. They don’t care if others think they’re strange or not cool. They care more about being and doing what they want than being and doing what they think others like."
10. Authentic people are self-aware
When asked to describe their strengths and even weaknesses in an interview, authentic people don't skip a beat.
"Authentic people do not try to be perfect but recognize that they have qualities and flaws just like anyone else and are content and happy with this," Dr. De Los Santos says. "They accept themselves as they are and this helps them to live fully."
11. Authenticity = accountability
Authentic people don't point fingers and aren't afraid to apologize.
"Authentic people take responsibility for themselves and exercise their own agency in the world," McKleroy says. "They don’t blame others and are willing to take accountability when they make mistakes or cause harm."
Related: 35 Phrases to Set Healthy Boundaries
The No. 1 Thing Authentic People Won't Do
They won't follow the crowd if they don't like where the group is headed.
"They explore lots of choices, ideas, ways of being and pick what suits them," Rinaldi says.
Dr. De Los Santos agrees.
"Authentic people do not negotiate their principles and ideas," she says. "They are clear about their principles and do not allow others to influence them."
Next up, 35 Useful Phrases to Combat Imposter Syndrome as Soon as It Strikes, According to a Psychoanalyst
