10 Genius Phrases To Use Instead of 'I'm Busy,' According to Psychologists
Woman texting a friend to say she's busy
Who isn't busy these days? Between an always plugged-in lifestyle we've been asked to live (thanks to technology and hustle culture) and the ability to attend even social events via Zoom from afar, it's hard to really find downtime.
Despite this near-universal truth, hearing "I'm busy" can be triggering as heck.
"Depending on the tone and context, simply saying, 'I'm busy' can be like saying, 'Stop,' 'No' and 'I don't want to connect with you,'" says Dr. Hannah Yang, Psy.D., the founder of Balanced Awakening.
And sometimes, that's true and totally valid. Other times, you're unintentionally shutting a person out.
"The phrase 'I'm busy' can trigger someone on the receiving end because it is blunt and implies that they are not a priority to you," says Dr. Holly Schiff, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist with South County Psychiatry. "It makes them feel like you can't make time for them."
If that's not true, you'll want to find an alternative. Since you're jammed enough, we took an item off your to-do list by having psychologists share phrases to use instead of "I'm busy."
Related: 11 Phrases to Use When Canceling Plans, According to Etiquette Pros
10 To Replace Saying "I'm Busy," According to Psychologists
1. "I don't have the bandwidth."
This phrase has become popular recently, and Dr. Schiff is on board.
"This has become a better way to let someone know you don't have the capacity or capability to take something extra on right now," Dr. Schiff says.
2. "I cannot right now, but I will set aside time for this at…"
This one turns a "no" into "not right now."
"This communicates that we are busy at the moment but that we will attend to what is being discussed," says Dr. Marty Cooper, Ph.D., an associate professor at SUNY Old Westbury.
Related: 13 Helpful Phrases To Replace Saying 'I Don't Know,' According to Psychologists
3. "Can I have just a quick moment first before we chat?"
Dr. Yang loves this question in situations involving a person who wants to talk to you while focusing on another task.
"It’s helpful to use some softer language that shows you are interested in them but just need time to wrap up what you are doing so you can give them your full attention," Dr. Yang says.
4. "I have a lot on my plate right now, but I should be available X."
This one refrains from shutting down a conversation—and the person requesting to have it.
"This acknowledges that you are busy; however, it doesn't just close the door in a blunt and glib way," Dr. Schiff says. "It shows that—while you may not be able to do whatever it is right now—you are interested in doing this or helping this person."
5. "I'll be right with you."
Dr. Yang also likes using this phrase when you need a second to finish something before speaking to someone. It's soft, friendly and true.
6. "When are you hoping that we X?"
Sometimes, the devil is in the details. People aren't always requesting something get done this instant, even if we may feel naturally inclined to assume that. Dr. Cooper says this clarifying question helps you gain more information before giving something a yay or nay.
7. "Can I get back to you by the end of the day/week?"
Buy yourself some time while respecting the other person's with this phrase suggested by Cooper.
8. "I’d love to go to that. Unfortunately, I’ve already made other plans."
Dr. Yang suggests using this response to decline social invites. It's honest but indicates that you would if you could.
9. "I am a bit overwhelmed right now with the work I have in front of me."
Who hasn't been overwhelmed in this go-go-go world? Sometimes, a little vulnerability makes you relatable, which sure beats the coldness of "I'm busy."
"This communicates the emotion we are experiencing so that the other person understands what is happening for us," Dr. Cooper says.
10. "Ah, bummer, I’m already booked that night, but can we look at other dates?"
Another great one to use on family and friends. Dr. Yang likes that this phrase offers the desire to connect at a different time. It also implies action—that you'll be checking your calendar.
Related: How Late Is Too Late To Cancel Plans? What Etiquette Experts Wish Everyone Knew
What *Not* To Say When You're Busy
Anything unkind.
"We might want to avoid saying something to the effect of, 'That’s not important to me,'" Dr. Cooper says. "This can be offensive to others."
"Go away" is another no-go.
Dr. Yang also advises against creating an elaborate story about why you can't do something.
"Blatant lies are never very helpful and tend to just make things more complicated for you," she explains.
Related: 8 Phrases To Replace Saying 'It's OK' When It's Really Not OK, According to Psychologists
The One Time It's Best To Say "I'm Busy"
All of the above responses are great swaps for "I'm busy," but Dr. Cooper says there's one time when the phrase is the best one to go with.
"The is a perfectly fine response if someone asks us, 'Are you busy right now?'" Dr. Cooper says.
There are a few other times the response is generally benign.
"It may be best to simply stick with 'I’m busy' or a basic variation like, 'Thank you, I’m busy' when responding to a formal invitation or responding to a person whom you only have a formal or professional relationship with," Dr. Yang explains. "In these situations, giving additional context may be revealing too much or over-sharing."
Next: 10 Phrases To Replace Saying 'Sorry' as a Reflex, According to a Therapist
Sources
Dr. Hannah Yang, Psy.D., founder of Balanced Awakening
Dr. Holly Schiff, Psy.D., licensed clinical psychologist with South County Psychiatry
Dr. Marty Cooper, Ph.D., associate professor at SUNY Old Westbury.
