10 best child-free holidays – perfect for empty-nesters
Many years ago, I found myself chatting to a fellow mum at a children’s party. My kids were running around and having fun. Hers, who were a little older, looked thoroughly depressed. “I tell you,” she announced, “I can’t wait for them to be old enough to be left at home when I go on holiday.” She jabbed a carrot baton into the hummus hillock that had been shunned by the younger guests.
“Really?” I asked, taken aback.
“Yes,” she went on. “We’ve just been to the south of France. Lovely places such as Nice and Antibes and all they cared about was being bought football shirts. I could have happily left them there.”
I muttered something vaguely sympathetic, while subtly moving away from the child-hating monster by the buffet table. Imagine not enjoying precious holiday time with your children, I thought. At the time – entrenched as I was in early parenting – I’d convinced myself that family holidays were huge fun, and that every moment represented a precious memory in the making. Yet they weren’t, not all of them. Not the moment in a Breton gite when one of our brood sat on a wash basin, causing it to crash off the wall. Nor the evening in the games room of a Norfolk cottage, when one of my sons pierced a radiator with a badly aimed dart and I was forced to stem the flow, like the boy with his finger in the dyke, until the emergency plumber arrived.
Further afield, in Sicily, one of our charges dropped a glass into the workings of the pool in an attempt to “trap ants”. This foolhardy endeavour required the entire system to be drained at a cost of ￡185.
These weren’t precious memories in the making. They were a pain in the rear, triggering marital discord (“Are you planning to go on about that radiator for the rest of this holiday?”) and casting serious doubts on our parenting abilities.
“Bet this happens all the time, doesn’t it?” I said jovially, when the Sicilian pool man arrived.
“No,” he barked back.
Those days are behind us now. My husband Jimmy and I are empty nesters and for the past four years we have holidayed on our own. On a basic level, this means no more chasing small children with a bottle of sunscreen, or pleading with teenagers to apply some and having them insist “I’m FINE”, (fine for the burns unit, yes!). Likewise, no longer do we bend over backwards to create an itinerary to delight both adults and children; a futile endeavour as no such itinerary exists.
I should point out that we didn’t drag them around museums to look at ancient Roman drinking vessels (well, not much). In fact, we endured more than our fair share of gut-churning roller coaster rides and trips to the aquarium in Brest where a turtle as grim-faced as our teens swam morosely back and forth in its tank. We have trailed around 99 per cent of the ball pits of Europe and choked down the most disgusting burgers known to mankind at a waterpark in the Netherlands.
In order to be “fun parents” we have thrown our ageing bodies down flumes, horrifying our offspring by having the gall to wear actual swimwear in a swimming pool (particularly in France, where the ban on men’s baggy shorts-style trunks in public pools meant their father was obliged to wear snug-fitting Speedos).
These days no one shudders at the sight of us scantily clothed. There’s no one shouting, “Can’t you at least pretend to be enjoying yourselves? We might as well be in Carluke!” These days, unremarkable Lanarkshire towns are never mentioned.
But back then, in 2010, our hearts slowly crumbled during a fortnight in Corsica, when our offspring preferred to hole up in their room in the villa, with curtains firmly shut, lest a chink of Mediterranean sun should force its way in.
Sometimes their father and I would rebel and force them to do things we wanted to do because, hell, we were the ones paying for the holiday. Round an art gallery we would troop, with our children dragging their feet and walking in that loose-limbed, floppy way, looking as if they were about to have their appendixes removed.
Occasionally, as if to punish us for forcing culture on them, someone would “accidentally” stumble against one of those wires you see around exhibits, thus triggering the alarm.
These days, no alarms are set off as Jimmy and I cram our empty nester holidays with gallery and museum visits. We go away far more often these days – because, naturally, a two-person trip is more affordable than taking away a herd of five.
As two fully formed adults capable of exploring a city for a day without factoring in 17 drinks/ice creams stops, we have notched up the Musée d’Orsay in Paris, the Hamburger Bahnhof in Berlin, the Miro, Tàpies and Picasso museums in Barcelona and the stunning Louisiana Museum, 21 miles north of Copenhagen. With no one else to please but ourselves, we have mooched around San Sebastián with no itinerary at all. Discovering “new” cities together – Madrid, Cologne, Bilbao – has brought us closer again, reminding us why we liked each other in the first place and reassuring us that we still have plenty to talk about.
Another heartening discovery has been that we don’t need a lot in order to be happy. We don’t even have to go very far. From our home city of Glasgow we have driven a hired campervan to the Ardnamurchan Peninsula, mainland Scotland’s most westerly point, accessed via 24 miles of twisting single-track road – a journey we loved, and which would have involved copious moaning and probably a fair amount of vomiting from our children.
There, on the silvery beach, we sat companionably, sketching the scene before us. Yes, we have become “that” couple who take our hobby things on holiday (paints, bird identification books, secateurs and little brown envelopes for the collection of seeds). What’s happened to us? In 1979 my husband was in a punk band! But he’s not a punk rocker now. He is 63 and last summer we stayed in a bungalow – as un-punk as you could possibly imagine – in the sleepy Cornish town of Carbis Bay. Here we whiled away the evenings playing silly quizzes in the garden, during which I challenged Jimmy – a North Lanarkshire man, and therefore fond of a chip shop – to “name a food beginning with B”.
“Batter,” he replied happily.
Our young adult offspring would hate the things we love now – hiring deckchairs, taking art classes, hoofing from St Ives to Zennor on the South West Coast Path. But we’re relishing this new phase where no one looks sick at the sight of us in our swimwear or shudders when I try to speak Spanish (in, you know, Spain). I adore the fact that our holidays no longer feature plumbers or, in fact, emergency tradesman of any kind. Yes, I did love those family holidays. For every punctured radiator and pool drainage emergency, there were blissful picnics on Mallorcan beaches and ambles through Breton markets where we would snack on strawberry tarts.
However, just as lovely has been the discovery that new kinds of adventures awaited us once the hardcore parenting years were over. Although I still wouldn’t class “batter” as a food.
Fiona Gibson
The 10 best holidays to make the most of the 'empty nestcapade'
Sophie Butler
Have a blast in New York
The 24-hour buzz of Manhattan is a blast for adults but it can be wearing for jet-lagged kids. Free yourself from the faff of dealing with flagging youngsters and save your energy for some grown-up fun. Shop til you drop at Macy’s, marvel at MoMA and the Met and indulge yourself with a night at a Broadway show, Metropolitan Opera or the New York City Ballet.
Book it
British Airways Holidays (ba.com) offers five-night stays at Arlo NoMad Hotel in Madison Square Park from ￡725, room only. Excludes transfers. Departs March 17, 2022
Covid rules
Arrivals in the United States require proof of full vaccination, plus a negative PCR or lateral flow test taken no more than 24 hours before travel (all travellers aged two and over)
Enjoy the art of Madrid
Madrid’s extraordinary artistic riches are wasted on young children and can be disagreeably tiresome for many teenagers. So if you want to immerse yourself fully in the Prado, the Thyssen-Bornemisza or the Reina Sofía museum, you are much better off without them. Treat yourself to a stay at the five-star Hotel único Madrid in the elegant Salamanca district of the city, with its two-star Michelin restaurant, Ramón Freixa Madrid, then lose yourself afterwards in the galleries of world-class art.
Book it
EasyJet Holidays (easyjet.com) is offering three-night stays at Hotel único Madrid from ￡658, room only, based on a standard room. Excludes transfers. Departs March 4, 2022
Covid rules
Adults must show proof of being fully vaccinated in order to enter (though there are no testing requirements) and an online health form (spth.gob.es) must be submitted for all passengers prior to departure from the United Kingdom
Hit Scotland’s roads
You know the drill… “Are we nearly there yet?”, “I feel sick…” Long-distance driving and children just don’t mix. With no one in the back to spoil the fun, make the most of the open road and take a tour of the dramatic coastal scenery of Scotland on a 500-mile round journey through the Northern Highlands, combining walks in the Torridon and Applecross regions with a trip to Handa Island, Cape Wrath and John O’Groats.
Book it
Wilderness Scotland (wildernessscotland.com) offers a self-drive itinerary The North Coast 500 from ￡1,095 B&B based on a group of four travelling together, including two guided hikes
Covid rules
There are currently no restrictions on travel between England and Scotland
Be dazzled by the Northern Lights
Forget Santa and reindeer rides and leave other families queuing in the commercialised grottoes of northern Finland. There’s more to Lapland than Father Christmas and the best way to soak up the bewitching snowscapes and shimmering colours of the Northern Lights is without having to worry whether your little darlings are getting frostbite.
Book it
Transun (transun.co.uk) offers stays at Davvi Arctic Lodge from ￡1,254 full board, based on a deluxe Aurora House room, including northern lights snowmobile safari and forest trek. Departs February 3, 2022
Covid rules
Proof of at least two doses of an approved vaccine (course completed at least seven days prior to arrival), and a certificate confirming a negative test (LFT or PCR) taken no more than 48 hours before arrival
Rediscover sybaritic Cyprus
The resorts of southern Cyprus provide plenty of family fun, but the island has more subtle attractions. Once you are free of offspring, head for the more peaceful beauty of the Akamas peninsula, a nature reserve on the island’s northwestern shores. The area around the town of Polis, and fishing port of Latchi, is a perfect place to escape the razzamatazz and catch some spring warmth outside the school holidays.
Book it
Tui (tui.co.uk) offers stays at five-star Hotel Anassa from ￡1,308 b&b, based on a garden view room. Departs May 7, 2022
Covid rules
Completed Cyprus Flight Pass, proof of at least two doses of an approved vaccine and a negative PCR taken within 72 hours of departure, or a rapid antigen test taken within 24 hours of departure
Step out in Greece
Some children love walking but many just don’t get the point, and few will enjoy it as much as you will without them lagging along behind you. Once they’ve cut ties, it’s the perfect moment to explore hidden corners of Europe on foot, without mutinous youngsters to contend with. Stride out along the leafy tracks through glorious countryside and bucolic backwaters, and quietly enjoy the likely prospect of your children persuading their own offspring to walk in the years to come.
Book it
Headwater (headwater.com) offers Walking the Pelion Peninsula, a new self-guided walking tour for 2022, from ￡1,399 B&B, including five picnics. Various departures in April and May, 2022
Covid rules
Passenger locator form, plus either proof of at least two doses of an approved vaccine, or a certificate of recovery. Unvaccinated travellers must show a certificate of recovery or a negative PCR or lateral flow test
Set your skiing free in Canada
Canada’s wonderful champagne powder snow and crowd-free resorts come at a price – long flights, the risk of cold weather and the wearisome effects of jet lag. None of which are ideal if you have children in tow. So go without them and enjoy the superb backcountry terrain and spectacular scenery without having to worry about deep-frozen, sleep-starved offspring.
Book it
Inghams (inghams.co.uk) offers five-star Fairmont Chateau Lake Louise in Lake Louise from ￡1,545, room only. Departs March 6, 2022
Covid rules
Proof of at least two doses of an approved vaccine, or a positive test result taken between 14 and 180 days of departure. Negative Covid test within 72 hours of departure.
Picture the perfect Tuscan holiday
There may be some picture-perfect families with artistic children who relish a week of dabbling in oils and watercolours, but not many. As a rule, if you want to explore your own creative genius, you’re better off in the company of like-minded adults. So head for the scenic Tuscan hills unencumbered by the distracting demands of the young.
Book it
Flavours Holidays (flavours.co.uk) offers Painting Holidays in Tuscany from ￡1,599 full board. Excludes flights. Departs May 14 and 21, 2022
Covid rules
All arrivals must complete a passenger locator form and provide proof of a negative PCR test taken within 48 hours of entry or a negative antigen test taken within 24 hours. There are restrictions on travel within Italy for those without proof of full vaccination
Relax in a Turkish gulet
Exploring the ports, beaches and inlets of the Turkish coast in a traditional gulet is a great way to spend time with your kids – but nothing like as relaxing as spending time without them. Free of the fear of losing the odd child overboard, the ennui of policing the suncream regime and the impossibility of enforcing bedtime, you can start to enjoy those lingering breakfasts and leisurely swims in a whole new way.
Book it
Cachet Travel (cachet-travel.co.uk) offers gulet cruises along the Turquoise coast from ￡1,655 full board, based on six sharing. Departs between May 1 and 16, 2022
Covid rules
All arrivals must complete a form at register.health.gov.tr. No testing for fully vaccinated and under-12s; others need proof of recovery or a negative PCR or antigen test.
Make a break for Barbados
There’s no getting away from it: we all fancy soaking up some winter sunshine in a gorgeous villa with a private chef by a palm-backed Caribbean beach. Once the children are off the scene, go with your favourite grown-up friends and let the good times commence.
Book it
CV Villas (cvvillas.com) offers stays at Ocean’s Edge in Barbados from ￡2,563 including an in-house chef, based on six people sharing. Excludes transfers. Departs February 20, 2022
Covid rules
Fully vaccinated arrivals must show proof of a negative RT-PCR test taken no more than three days before arrival, and submit an embarkation/disembarkation card 24 hours prior to travel
Prices are per person based on a seven-night stay including flights and transfers, unless stated otherwise
