Pregnant Claire Holt on Speaking Out About Past Miscarriage: 'I'm So Not Alone' (Exclusive)
Claire Holt, 34, explains why it's been important to her to speak about a past miscarriage and how the feelings from it have continued to follow her through subsequent pregnancies
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Claire Holt has found community and healing in sharing her fertility journey.
At the premiere for Peacock Original's Based On A True Story in West Hollywood on Thursday, the Vampire Diaries alum, 34, talked about her decision to open up about her miscarriage experience and the fears that linger as she navigates her current pregnancy.
"After my miscarriage, I spent hours on the internet just looking for someone to tell me what I was feeling was normal and for someone to tell me that it wasn't my fault," she tells PEOPLE.
"I would Google, and I would find these message boards or blog posts of these women who are open and vulnerable. And then I realized, okay, this is not something I did. And then I realized these women helped me so much, and I have an obligation to share my stories because maybe someday someone will be reading and looking for someone to connect with," she continues.
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Claire Holt"When I did share, I think it was a number of years ago now, but I think there was over 40,000 comments of women and men sharing their stories. And it was just such a beautiful healing thing for me. And I made that decision then that I was always going to be open and honest with my journey because that's the meaning of life."
Hearing the stories of others has also helped Holt heal and explore her emotions around her experience.
"It's been so wonderful to read the stories of so many women. When I share my vulnerabilities and my fears about pregnancy and raising children because what I've realized is I'm so not alone," she says.
"There are so many women out there who feel the same way, who are anxious. And I think what I've realized is it's because we care and because we want to do this right. And we know the pressure of raising these little people, but especially surrounding miscarriage. I think it was something that wasn't talked about very often for a long time," she continues.
"The more open I became about it, the more people shared their stories with me and it was healing. So I'm going to continue to do that, especially this pregnancy, now that I have an outlet where I can share and write. And it's an amazing feeling to have just so much support from everyone."
Holt already shares daughter Elle, 3, and son James, 4, with husband Andrew Joblon. While in Cannes last month, Holt revealed that she was expecting a third baby, and confirmed the news on her Instagram Story.
The actress mom says that her little ones are "so yummy" and getting excited about welcoming a sibling.
"My 4-year-old is very excited to have a sibling, so he is constantly asking me every day how the baby's doing and kissing my belly and asking if he can take care of me. So that's amazing. And my 2?-half-year-old, she's getting there," she laughs.
"She plays a little more cool, but it's so much more fun. And as they get older, I realize the stress I felt raising babies — no one knows what they're doing, and we all just do our best. And then when they look at you and say, I love you, and they hug you and kiss you, you're like, 'Okay, I think I'm figuring it out,' or 'I'm doing my best at least.'"
As for the new arrival, the couple has "no idea what to do this time" when it comes to a name.
"I had a name for my son and my daughter, and this time I'm like, I guess we're going to figure out when you come out. I don't know. We'll put names in a hat and pull one out," she jokes.
Although this has been her "hardest pregnancy," Holt says she's feeling "so much better."
"I was feeling very sick for the first trimester, actually my hardest pregnancy today. But thankfully, I turned a corner after my first trimester and I feel good now. And it's so nice to be out and in public and talking to people and not in my sweatpants eating Pirate's Booty."
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