Pascal and Joan hit rough waters on 'Golden Bachelorette' Fantasy Suites cruise ship
We're just going to dive right in here, because this is not something you don't know. But maybe you'd best be sitting down just the same.
You've seen the teasers for ABC's "Golden Bachelorette" Episode 7, which is the always emotionally explosive portion of the Bachelor franchise known as Fantasy Suites, where remaining contestants are treated to "overnight" dates.
In the teaser, Joan, 61, signals tragedy with full Edgar Allen Poe attire — that black Lamarque feather jacket and the matching Loewe long dress. She's in clear distress with French-born Chicago salon owner Pascal, 69, who showed alarming signs of emotional withdrawal in last week's Hometown Dates episode.
Suddenly, it's like the TMZ paparazzi, who usually swarm LAX arrivals, invaded beautiful Tahiti. The shaky camera zeroes in on Joan in emotional pain, clearly from Pascal. It's true: This fantasy episode turns into a dark, tear-filled nightmare. Brace for what just happened:
Spoiler alert: Stop reading if you're faint of heart, or don't want to know Joan's Episode 7 journey (now streaming on Hulu).
Frenchman Pascal surrenders to his fears and leaves Joan
Pascal has been furiously backpedaling in the Joan stakes as the show has progressed. Remember, this was the guy who smoothly grabbed Joan on the first night for private time in front of 23 other shocked competitors. So keep that power move in mind when he claims in this episode, "I'm not a fighter; I'm a lover."
Things in Tahiti paradise go great when it's chill beach vibes on Joan's third overnight date with Pascal (after emergency room physician Guy, 66, and insurance executive Chock, 60). Yet somehow, crazy old coincidence, Pascal and Joan end up walking right into their own sunset Tahitian bonding ceremony. Pascal's eyes get bigger than Admiral Ackbar's before the "Star Wars" military commander famously barked, "It's a trap!"
But Pascal goes through the beach ceremony and keeps his cool until their romantic dinner on the docked cruise ship that serves as Fantasy headquarters. Seconds after gallantly guiding Joan's chair into the candlelit table, Pascal launches right into his shocking breakup.
The couple's eye-popping gourmet meal turns cold and is entirely ignored on the table as the room temperature skyrockets. (Quick aside: Bypassing that meal is the most flagrant Pascal foul, especially for a Paris-born bon vivant. At least mutually enjoy the meal before the coming boom. We've got all night!)
Pascal's rambling reasoning centers on his just-broken heart and his rough childhood. "I'm what you call damaged goods," he says.
But the key points include game-changing lines like, "I'm not in love," "I'm just not there," and "I need that spark, and we just don't have it."
Joan staggers out of the room, past the untouched food. Exiting, Pascal angrily barks at the omnipresent camera operators. But the camera's retreat is worthwhile for the award-winning shot, through an open-riser staircase and a thick-glass rail, of Joan reeling next to a Gucci bag display.
And that's all she wrote for the bombshell Episode 7. Joan tearfully gives a Bachelor Nation immortal line to the camera as the tragic orchestra music hits new levels. "I had 24 people here in the beginning, I'm down to the last three, and I might leave with nobody," she says. "It could happen."
Pascal is last seen slinking into the cruise line's ferry shuttle. They're not even going to let him stay on the boat. French authorities will certainly want to speak to him about the whole uneaten meal thing.
Other than the show-ending heartbreak, how did the other dates go?
Guy, with all his real-life baggage revealed after the show was filmed, is still in the hunt. They are a beautiful couple snorkeling in stunning ocean waters. Guy is completely on board with Joan's decision not to have any beds in the Fantasy Suites, to keep the focus on the emotions and off the physical. It's a principled power move breaking from Bachelor tradition. You go, Joan!
Chock drives his speeding ATV with one hand so he can hold Joan's hand with the other. He's got two souped-up ATVs at home in Wichita, Kansas. But he notes that Kansas is not as beautiful as Tahiti, which is an entirely superfluous comment. Tahiti would give Neytiri from "Avatar" Instagram envy.
Chock, who can take the excitement out of popping a champagne cork, is still in the mix. His second round of kissing in the Fantasy Suite is close to carnivore-level.
But what is going to happen on 'Golden Bachelorette'?
That's the big, wild unknown! Isn't that insane? The show ends with Pascal leaving. But does that mean Jordan, who was cut after Hometown Dates, gets the Joe Flacco-esque replacement call to fill in for Pascal? Or is it just down to Guy and Chock? After next week's "The Men Tell All" special, we will see Joan's love fate in the sure-to-be-dramatic Nov. 13 finale.
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: 'Golden Bachelorette' Episode 7 recap: Who went home?