Johann Vera on Coming Out With ‘Closet’: ‘I Want to Be as Honest as I Can Be’

Jessica Roiz
·5 min read

After gaining momentum as a finalist on music competition show La Banda (where CNCO was born) and later earning his first Billboard entry with debut single “Pretty Girl (Tu Cancion)” in 2016, Johann Vera is entering a new era in his solo career — one that’s powered by authenticity and transparency.

Last month, the bilingual pop artist of Ecuadorian descent released “Closet,” a melancholy, powerful ballad — where, for the first time, he tells his truth: “Why am I going to hate and fight with myself only because I love differently?/ How can a parent decide to lose a child only because they love differently?” he chants in the heartfelt lyrics. “I’m not going to change for anyone else.”

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“It took me two years, but it pushed me to be honest and open with myself,” Vera tells Billboard of his coming out as queer. “[My previously-released single] ‘Cielo’ is talking about that first encounter and discovering this new side of liberty and happiness, and being more real about my sexuality. ‘Closet’  is about acceptance. I want to be as honest as I can be.”

“Cielo” and “Closet” form part of Vera’s upcoming six-part EP dubbed Nada Importa En Verdad (Nothing Really Matters). “It’s about the struggles and ups-and-downs. Yes, I’m in love but also still have all these issues.”

In an interview with Billboard, the indie Latin artist talks about his coming out process, dealing with family rejection, and finding his purpose, thanks to his new single.

How was your coming out process, and why was the moment now for you?

It was scary. I realized now that all my life I had this idea that sexuality shouldn’t be touched in my music or my art. I wanted to be a private artist, and not talk about my personal life. It’s not that I wasn’t honest — but there was always a filter, even on my social media, that was very edited and posed.

When I started therapy, almost three years ago, I began to realize a lot of things on how I’ve been handling life. Growing up with my family, I would get along with everyone and never had an issue, but I would hold back a lot of things. I wrote this song before talking to my parents. With family, it was a hard part — because coming from Ecuador, I would see their perspective on the LGBTQ community — so I always had that fear.

You mention living with fear and a filter, but can you take us back to how you felt the day “Closet” was born? 

A few years ago, I wrote a letter to little Johann, and that night I had a writing session. Some words I began writing triggered me. I’ve been with girls and loved them, but at that point in my life, I was already with a man for a year. I continued writing the song, but I was struggling. So, I paused, talked to my songwriter and producer about how I was feeling, and “Closet” was born in 30 minutes. I didn’t want to continue living life that way. I had a big realization moment.

It’s a beautiful song, but also ultra-personal and very vulnerable.

I wrote the song for everyone to understand the struggle. All throughout your life, you feel like you have this flaw, deep down it felt like there was an issue. It’s very tough to break that barrier. Now it’s changing, but it’s still, even more on the Latin side, not going to be very accepting. The song happened and it was therapy for me. I didn’t have plans of releasing it, but after I started seeing how my close friends and colleagues began to react to it, I felt that I had to.

You wrote this song before telling your parents you were queer. How’s your relationship with them today?

Still not good. I actually told them two years ago, on Christmas Day, I had no expectations, but I invited them to therapy. However, there were no conversations afterward and it disconnected them even more. Now it’s not even a “How are you?” Before, I was the pride of the family — Vi?a del Mar, all the awards — and now, they feel like they lost a son. It’s tough.

They’ve also been clear and vocal about not supporting my new single “Closet.” Their side of the story is that I’m influencing people to do something wrong. I couldn’t fight any more. But now I know that it happened this way for some reason, and [my story] is helping people feel that they are not alone. It’s 2024 but apparently, we still need to have these conversations.

Your friends and colleagues have been very supportive.

Mau & Ricky came to my defense and called me when the song came out to tell me that God loves me. I cried so much. Lele Pons and Guaynaa came over too. I’ve been super blessed. After the song was released, I was locked in my childhood room… I just stayed there. The amount of messages and love that started coming in through DMs really helped me. The first couple of nights, I couldn’t sleep — but it was such a beautiful thing to go into my DMs and see how strangers were connecting with the song. The effect is crazy. Even if all of this is happening, I feel very happy. I’m proud.

What do you expect your music be like moving forward?

I just want to do music with purpose. I want to be more honest on that side. If I fall in love with a guy, I’ll sing about that, but it’s more about purpose. I feel that I can make an impact when talking about different topics. From all of this process, I want to be transparent and real. You realize in music how important authenticity is. It’s really about connecting.

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