I've Never Been a Club Guy. But In Quarantine I've Become One.
The last time I had real fun at a club was maybe 10 years ago. I still get the texts, the calls from friends with invites to go out dancing. Sometimes I go. I see the tightly packed groups of people, the sweaty bodies, the expensive bottles, the exclusive sections, the lights—and I get why 20 million Americans drop billions of dollars to do this every year.
But I am not one of these people.
It’s not that I have anything against nightclubs or clubgoers. It’s just not my thing. I don’t dig standing in line, paying covers, getting carded (dude, I’m rounding the corner into 40), or dishing out hundreds (thousands?) of bucks for bottle service. My ideal night involves drinking smoky scotch with friends and trading increasingly absurd ideas for rewriting the Star Wars prequels. (Hear me out: what if Jar Jar was actually Anakin’s father?)
But last week when a friend invited me to Club Quarantee, a self-described “Virtual Nightlife Experience,” I was floored not only by how quickly I agreed to go (look, my Saturdays are free for a while) but also how much it shifted my whole perspective about clubs.
Club Quarantee is part of a growing number of online venues that attempt to replicate the feeling of a fun Saturday night in the comfort of your living room while the world is in self-isolation. I paid a $10 cover fee and was eventually admitted into the club by digital doorman. ($100 will score a “VIP table” that’s essentially a private group chat where you can more easily communicate with friends.) Club Quarantee is hosted on Zoom so it’s not unlike a remote work meeting only there’s a DJ bumping house music and the main screen toggles to a new group of attendees once every thirty seconds — it’s kind of like a version of Chat Roulette but everyone keeps their clothes on. Speaking of which, Club Quarantee claims there is a dress code, but I spotted more than a few sweats and t-shirts.
At first people didn’t seem to know what to do but the comments section was a steady stream of one-liners clowning on club culture. “Does anyone know where the bathrooms are?” “Can I bum a cigarette?” And then something weird happened. As the evening progressed, it became clear no one was interested in normal club antics. It became less about posturing, or trying to hook up, or getting severely trashed and more about entertaining fellow strangers who were bored, antsy, and desperately in need of something to do that wasn’t recommended by the Netflix algorithm. There was the gaggle of stylishly dressed women who took turns busting out goofy dance moves. The friend who invited me outfitted her apartment with disco lights and slammed beers the whole evening. One person wore a freakishly grotesque Halloween mask. My wife grabbed our dog and pressed his face right up at the camera (pets are a huge crowd pleaser.) At one point I put on a replica Daft Punk helmet and pantomimed playing DJ. Everyone seemed to do something that was at once perfectly stupid but also maybe perfectly suited to medium.
I think once you strip the fa?ade of the club away you end up seeing why people go in the first place: a real sense of community and connection. There will be a day in the future when we’re allowed back out to bars and restaurants, and yep, even night clubs too. When my phone buzzes and a friend is inviting me to one will I go? Probably! But I suspect club culture will have permanently shifted and a lot of old rules won’t apply anymore. Hopefully the doorman will let me in wearing my Daft Punk helmet.
Some Online Clubs to Check Out While in Quarantine
Admittedly this is by no means an exhaustive list of all the virtual clubs that are available right now. But no matter what flavor of nightlife you crave, we think you’ll find something suited to your tastes here.
D-Nice’s Club Quarantine
The legendary DJ who played classic hip hop, R&B, and Afrobeats over Instagram Live counted mega famous attendees including Beyoncé, Mark Zuckerberg, and Michelle Obama. Next up: a resurrected version of Club MTV happening on April 25 where he’ll be spinning records from his LA apartment.
United We Stream: Berlin
The Berlin club scene: a wondrous drug-fueled techno orgy that also accounts for $1.6 billion in revenue for the city annually. That’s why when the pandemic hit the city’s clubs banded together in a sort of co-op to create this website where attendees can listen to world class DJs and chat/flirt/party with other virtual clubgoers from around the world.
Club Quarantine
An underground queer nightclub hosted on Zoom, Club Qurantine boasts hundreds of attendees from around the world. Expect to see shockingly attractive dancers, fabulous drag queens, and the occasional celebrity (Charli XCX dropped in not long ago).
The Zone
With 16 separate rooms that each have distinct vibes — there’s a “chill yurt” and a “flirtation station — The Zone perhaps offers the most varied digital nightlife experience. It also might be the most intense with the claim it’s “the most real place in the lockdown where your deepest desires come true.”
Club Matryoshka
Originally created several years ago, Club Matryoshka is hosted inside a private server in Minecraft. On April 26 it will be holding “a 24-hour online dystopian Minecraft music festival & contemporary art exhibit.”
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