Is your partner 'stream cheating'? They may be guilty of this modern relationship crime.

It goes by many names: “stream cheating,” “Netflix adultery” or even “binge betrayal.” It’s that moment when your partner dares to watch your show — the one you swore to experience together — without you.

It may sound silly, but in the world of modern relationships, it’s a crime that can test even the strongest couples.

“Watching shows is a way for us to wind down and a way for us to bond,” Emily Wilbanks, a Houston-based nurse, told Yahoo Entertainment about how she and her fiancé approach the subject. “When a show is watched without the other person, it takes the fun and enjoyment out of it. It’s like, what was the point of that?”

Cary Chandler, a librarian and graduate student based in Boston, has been on both sides of the crime.

“I consider watching a good show together quality time, which is one of my love languages,” she told Yahoo Entertainment, noting that stream cheating is an “unspoken taboo” in her relationship.

“When I ‘stream cheat,’ it is intentional, and I know I’m doing something wrong,” she said. “If my wife and I are in a fight, I might watch the next episode of Severance without her and then confess my betrayal to her the next morning, knowing how disappointed she will be.”

One couple based in New York, Meghan Miles and Aaron Downs, a TikTok influencer, have their own way of dealing with binge betrayal.

“With our shows, we’re very much about watching them together,” Miles told Yahoo Entertainment. “It’s the best feeling in the world to have a show at the end of the day where we have something to watch, so honestly, if I found out that he watched an episode without me, we’d probably get in a playful argument. It loses its magic!”

“It’s less special,” Downs added of making the decision to watch alone. “There’s a level of trust in it. Bingeing is something we do to spend time together. It’s a way we can connect and talk about the show as we’re experiencing it together.”

Why does it hurt so much?

Dr. Frankie Bashan, a board-certified sex therapist and clinical psychologist, explained that the emotional sting of stream cheating has less to do with the show and more to do with what it represents.

“It is a betrayal, because you’re engaging in something together that you’re experiencing in the moment, real-time, where you’re relating to each other about what’s happening,” she said. “It’s a time for quality connection.”

With technology pulling us in different directions, prioritizing “sacred quality time” with your person is more precious than ever, said Bashan.

“Part of it is a boundary thing,” Bashan explained about the act of skipping ahead without your partner. “Depending on your attachment style, it can trigger anxiety, it can trigger fear of rejection or fear of abandonment.”

Sabrina Zohar, a relationship expert and host of the podcast The Sabrina Zohar Show, agrees, stressing that these feelings are rarely about the film or show itself. However, people can take the “betrayal” in different ways.

“For some people, it’s not a big deal,” she told Yahoo Entertainment “They’ll be like, ‘You know what? I don’t really care, babe. You can watch this on your own,’” which gives the partner a pass.

For others, added Zohar, being faithful is about “mutual respect and keeping these small bids for connection.”

The science behind stream cheating

Believe it or not, there’s actual brain chemistry behind why skipping ahead without your partner feels like betrayal.

According to Bashan, watching a show with your partner can trigger the release of neurotransmitters like dopamine, norepinephrine and oxytocin — chemicals responsible for pleasure, bonding and trust.

“There’s chemical secretion that’s happening,” she explained. “There’s a biophysical change happening in the brain. And in this day and age, look at all of the scary stuff around us. We’re wanting more of that hit because it feels good, it’s comforting, it feels safe, it feels loving.”

With all the streaming shows and digital apps at our disposal, it’s easy to watch shows secretly without your partner — but doing so can disrupt vital bonding moments, said Zohar. Decades ago, families had no choice but to watch together, at the scheduled time in the week when a new episode of a show was broadcast. Modern couples have the luxury of being able to binge whenever they like, on their own devices.

“In our parents' generation, watching shows was something that you looked forward to. You'd sit on the couch together as a family and watch it — and you didn’t have a choice, because there was one TV in the house,” Zohar explained. “Now, I just think it's exacerbated because we have streaming services, and there’s so much more content that we can watch at any given time.”

How common is it?

While hard numbers on stream cheating are scarce, a 2017 global Netflix survey found that out of 30,267 U.S. couples surveyed, 48% of partners admitted to streaming infidelity — a sharp rise from just 12% in 2013, when “bingeing” was in its infancy. Adding to the drama, 36% never confessed, and nearly half of offenders (48%) said they had cheated more than once.

More recently, a 2023 Shane Co. survey of 1,000 Americans who live with their partners found that 38% would be upset if their partner skipped ahead in a show they watched together. Among those who did cheat, 58.9% came clean and watched the show again with their significant other, while 18.6% admitted to playing innocent, pretending they hadn’t seen it and rewatching anyway.

Preventing stream cheating and repairing the damage

To avoid the emotional gut punch of stream cheating, Zohar suggested setting clear ground rules upfront.

“I will check with my partner and say, ‘Hey, what shows are off-limits for my trash time?’ He’ll say, ‘You can watch your murder mysteries, but keep this, this and this for us.’ And I say, ‘You got it.’”

At its core, stream cheating is about connection more than it is TV. “It’s really about: Do I feel like you see me, hear me and understand me? Do I feel like you respect me? Do I feel like you consider me in situations?” Zohar said.

Bashan touched on the importance of perspective. “If your partner isn’t able to course-correct, then what happens?” she said. “I think we have to let them do their thing and revisit — or maybe there’s something else we can do together that can be safer for the two of us.”

Setting boundaries and honoring shared rituals strengthens relationships, Zohar added.

“Speak up about it,” she advised. “We always want to start with ‘I’ statements: ‘Hey, I know it’s just a show, but I really love watching this together. It’s our thing. Can we keep it that way?’”