Golden Globes Review: A Good Night for Celebrity Surveillance, a Forgettable Night for Film (and TV)
Nikki Glaser’s best joke, as host of the celebrity-steered 2025 Golden Globes, was half a joke. Technically, I would estimate it was closer to one-eighth of a joke, given “Popular” is roughly four minutes long, and Glaser’s “Conclave”/”Wicked” mash-up parody lasted all of 30 seconds. “You… will… be… pope-ular,” Glaser sang, adorned in a bubblegum pink gown, holding a golden staff, and crowned with a tall, white, papal mitre, before the music cut out for a fake emergency message from producers, who simply had to intervene because “this whole thing sucks.” When she acquiesced to their demands and asked to move on to the next number — “Insane in the Pen-gwain” — these cowardly, imaginary producers told her to skip that one, too.
Frankly, I like the part of the joke that implies a song parody of two nominees in the middle of the awards show is corny, forced, and done-to-death. But I like the part of the joke that did the damn thing anyway more. After all, “Conclave” is a film about the danger of certainty, especially when held by individuals who are courting power through popular opinion, and “Wicked” literally provides the song titled, “Popular,” so why not give the audience a verse or two of original lyrics drawing comical yet fitting attention to the two nominated films’ unexpected similarities? You can still get to the joke about how silly it is to be singing a “bad” parody song in front of Elton John, but it would’ve been even funnier if, by that point, it had been clearly established the song was actually pretty good. And who knows, maybe a few people at home would’ve sought out “Conclave” (now streaming on Peacock) simply because of its newfound proximity to the immensely successful “Wicked.”
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Overall, Glaser did a fine job as host, and the Golden Globes did a fine job, too. (Both were a massive step up from last year’s disaster.) As hammered home by Seth Rogen and Catherine O’Hara — in a presenters’ bit that did the damn thing and then some — these aren’t the Oscars. There are countless honors higher than winning orb-adorned statues of much lower quality than they appear, and the 2025 telecast leaned into its “party of the year” designation — not by being extra rowdy, but by designing itself like a mid-tech celebrity surveillance system, where onscreen arrows acted like a “Find My [Celebrity] Friend” app and the unsuspecting luminaries in attendance were crammed into the frame as often as possible, all the better for viewers’ to leer at, study, and meme.
Good for them — or, more accurately, good for CBS, which is hoping the Globes continue to draw decent viewership, even when airing against the almighty NFL. It’s a safe bet that whatever viewers are still watching live awards shows at home are doing so to see all the famous faces, and the Globes are better positioned than other awards shows to parade those faces in front of us with fewer interruptions from boring ol’ directors, editors, and writers (ugh).
But among all the star gawking, the Globes drifted a bit too far from their official purpose: honoring film (and television). The opening monologue was dictated by who was in the audience, not what they were in. (“Tonight we celebrate the best of film and hold space for television,” truer, vaguer words have not been spoken, etc. etc.) The telecast was fixated on people over projects, excising clips from each nominated performance in favor of fun facts in the chyrons and spoken by the in-house announcer. (“In addition to acting, Vin Diesel is passionate about Dungeons and Dragons.”) The scripted intros rolled out some painfully superficial doozys — Gal Gadot saying, “In a night that’s featured some amazing moments… let’s continue with the amazingness”?! — and the chintzy graphics package, clumsy camera angles, and conventional stage backdrop didn’t elevate the art as much as they elevated each speaker just high enough to be seen clearly.
Even the honorary awards, given to Ted Danson (the Carol Burnett Award) and Viola Davis (the Cecil B. DeMille Award), were handed out on Saturday, literally taking honor off the air. (Who wants to hear from two beloved actors who are also brilliant public speakers anyway?)
Listen, I get it. The Golden Globes aren’t that prestigious. (Certainly not prestigious enough to warrant Zoe Salda?a’s sob-heavy acceptance speech. Better off were Oscar hopefuls Kieran Culkin, who hit exactly the right vibe — “a couple of quick thank yous, and then I’ll piss off” — and Demi Moore, who delivered the ideal version of a “don’t you want to see me at the Oscars?” set-up speech.) It’s a precursor awards show in a season filled with them, and its main claims to fame are how early it announces the winners, how long it’s been running, and how many drinks can be passed out in the Beverly Hills ballroom.
But there’s a reason Moore and Margaret Qualley’s presenters’ intro fell flat, and it’s not because they didn’t know where to look. It’s because a joke completely dependent on knowing what “The Substance” is about didn’t make sense during a night dictated more by pop culture than film culture (let alone TV culture). If the Globes persisted through all the scandals because it’s still a significant ratings draw and can thus still better acquaint audiences with the year’s best films and TV shows, then at the end of the night, shouldn’t we know a little bit more about the films and TV shows they honored? At the very least, shouldn’t I have seen one scene from “The Brutalist?” Heard one line of dialogue from “Hacks”? Or know what “Emilia Perez” is about?
Maybe not. Maybe knowing a Netflix movie won a handful of Golden Globes is enough to get people to pick up their phones, add it to their queue, and then go back to watching “Squid Game.” Maybe simply having the first few bars of “Popular” stuck in my head for another week is celebration enough for “Wicked,” winner of the Golden Globes’ inaugural Cinematic and Box Office Achievement honor. But I can’t help thinking if the telecast put a little more emphasis on the movies (and TV!) that Hollywood loves, perhaps that love would spread beyond Hollywood.
Wannabe popes deserve to be popular, too.
Grade: B-
The 82nd Golden Globe Awards were held Sunday, January 6 at the Beverly Hilton Hotel in Los Angeles, CA. They aired on CBS and streamed via Paramount+. Dick Clark Productions, which owns and produces the Golden Globes, is a Penske Media company. PMC is also IndieWire’s parent company.
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