DNA testing can find hidden connections - Ervolino
OK, so just who do you think you are?
Since 2007, the genetic testing service 23andMe has been helping people answer this and other mind-bending questions, after persuading them to fill a vial with saliva and drop it into the nearest mailbox.
Within weeks, your results turn up in your email box and (almost) all of your questions are answered.
It’s something I always wanted to try, so I’m not sure why it took me 17 years to do it. I guess I was concerned about my privacy. Or the privacy of my loved ones. Or the possibility that my DNA would be stolen and used for some nefarious purpose. To implicate me in a crime, perhaps. Or to clone a race of cute Italian super humans.
Then, back in December, I decided to give the test kit, as a Christmas gift, to a genealogy-obsessed friend. And wouldn’t you know it? I got one for myself, too.
I had heard so many people tell me that they thought they were such-and-such ethnicity but found out, after they received their test results, that their backgrounds were a lot more complicated.
That intrigued me.
My advancing age was another factor. Next year, I’ll be 70.
The Big Seven-O!
I’ll be older. I’ll be wiser. I’ll probably be even better-looking than I am now. But unless I take this stupid test, I still won’t be sure about my genetic history.
Who am I? What am I? Where do I come from? And, perhaps most importantly, am I related to anyone rich who might want to leave me some money?
23andMe is one of a handful of companies that can do this — and more — for you.
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That's right: YOU. And all your “DNA cousins” throughout time and across the universe.
Other similar services include AncestryDNA, MyHeritage and FamilyTreeDNA.
(You’ll notice that these companies have at least one thing in common: They don’t use spaces in their names.)
Heck, there are even DNA tests for dogs now, with names like Embark, Wisdom Panel and Base Paws.
Finding these canine tests is easy enough. Just zip online and google “dog DNA.”
The hard part is getting your pup to spit into a test tube. (You might want to try giving the dog a margarita and then telling him or her a risque anecdote. That always makes my dog spit.)
Before I go into all of my 23andMe results, I’d like to tantalize you with one of my better-known “DNA cousins.”
His name was Philip Mountbatten, aka Prince Philip of Greece and Denmark, aka Prince Philip, the Duke of Edinburgh, royal consort of Queen Elizabeth II.
Yep!
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I wish I had known this when I went to London in 1997. They could have had me over for a barbecue, or something. The queen might even have knighted me. I could have become the Duke of Bergen County, or the prince formerly known as Ervolino. Or …
King of the World!
Anyhoo, let’s get to my results. In answer to the question of just how Italian I am, the answer is 94.2 percent, which puts me right up there with Genoa salami.
I am also 2 percent Northern West Asian, 1.9 percent Arab, Egyptian and Levantine, and 0.7 percent North African.
And I have more Neanderthal DNA than 20 percent of other 23andMe customers. (Wow, they really go back, don’t they?) This means my ancestors had large brains, created fire and mated with modern humans.
Interestingly enough, many Ervolinos still mate with humans. A few even watch “Jeopardy!” and have fireplaces.
Cool, right?
As for the traits they associated with my DNA, the results are shockingly correct. I have dark brown hair and eyes, a terrible sense of direction, no cleft in my chin and, thankfully, little or no back hair.
The report also correctly described my finger length ratio, my lack of stretch marks and a few other things I find too icky to share.
The results also insist — correctly — that I do not have a sweet tooth. At snack time, for example, I would happily pass up a slice of layer cake for a bowl of salty, buttery popcorn.
The report gave me a list, 60 pages long, of my “DNA cousins,” and I have already sent messages to a few of them to see if they are wealthy and would like to leave their vast fortunes to me.
Ancestors on my father’s side of the family go back to the first farmers in eastern Africa. So please think of me the next time you have a Waldorf salad or some corn on the cob.
Ancestors on my mother’s side are a bit more fancy. In addition to Prince Philip, they include the 16th-century astronomer Nicolaus Copernicus and the Austrian Habsburg who married into the French royal family …
Marie Antoinette!
Yes, that Marie Antoinette — which probably explains my aversion to cake.
This article originally appeared on NorthJersey.com: How DNA testing can reveal hidden family connections - Ervolino
