The Complicated Life of Kitty Menendez
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From afar, Kitty Menendez was a glamorous housewife and devoted mother to her children, Lyle and Erik. But a much bleaker reality lay hidden—including a deteriorating marriage, substance abuse, and her sons’ growing resentment. These factors contributed to Kitty’s early death and one of the most shocking crimes in recent history.
On August 20, 1989, the Menendez brothers killed their parents inside their California home. The brutal shootings set off a highly-publicized investigation and trials that shed light on the family’s dark secrets.
Now, Lyle and Erik’s deadly deeds are the subject of the new Netflix limited series Monsters: The Lyle and Erik Menendez Story. The anthology series, which centered on serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer during its first season in 2022, stars Chlo? Sevigny as family matriarch Kitty, Nicholas Alexander Chavez and Cooper Koch as the two brothers, and Javier Bardem as their father, José Menendez. All nine episodes of Monsters began streaming Thursday.
Much has been documented about Lyle, Erik, and José, but who was Kitty? Here’s what you need to know about her role in the Menendez family and how she factored into the brothers’ startling crime.
Kitty had a tumultuous childhood
Kitty was born Mary Louise Andersen in 1941 to parents Charles and Mae Andersen. The youngest of four children, she had a middle-class upbringing in Oak Lawn, Illinois, a suburb of Chicago. But her life was far from idyllic.
According to crime investigator and author Rachel Pergament, Charles, who owned a heating and air conditioning business, was abusive toward Mae and their children. The couple eventually divorced while Kitty was still a child, causing her to become depressed and withdrawn. She struggled to make friends and carried resentment toward her father for years.
Still, these traumatic circumstances didn’t stop Mary Louise, eventually nicknamed “Kitty,” from having big dreams. She aspired to be an actor and enrolled at Southern Illinois University to study communications.
“She was stunningly beautiful, and I mean beautiful on the outside and even more so on the inside,” her brother Brian Andersen told ABC’s 20/20. In 1962, Kitty won the Miss Oak Lawn beauty pageant. By this time, her good looks had already caught the attention of a young Cuban immigrant named José Menendez.
Kitty married Jose Menendez in 1963
According to The Los Angeles Times, Kitty was in college when she met Menendez, a scholarship swimming athlete at Southern Illinois University. Kitty, two years older, was immediately smitten with José, who had emigrated to America at age 16 to escape the Fidel Castro regime. “All of a sudden, she was hit by a bulldozer,” her roommate at the time, Jo McCord, said.
Other friends described Kitty as glamorous but somewhat secretive about her past and “a bit of a rebel” around this time. Although José’s family objected, believing he was too young, the couple married in 1963 when he was only 19. They soon relocated to New York City, where Jose transferred to Queens College.
Kitty initially worked as a school teacher. But upon the birth of their two sons—Lyle in January 1968 and Erik in November 197o—Kitty put her own aspirations aside to become a full-time housewife at José’s urging. The family eventually settled near Princeton, New Jersey, where the brothers attended the private Princeton Day School.
According to her brother, Kitty often spoiled Lyle and Erik while José, a business executive, worked long hours and traveled. “I would tell Kitty, ‘You know, there’s gotta be some discipline in their life somewhere,’” Brian Andersen said. “And, of course, she would come right back, ‘Brian, don’t tell me how to raise my boys.’”
José’s marital infidelity devastated Kitty
While José’s career afforded the family an affluent lifestyle, problems in the marriage and Kitty’s private life began to surface.
José relocated the family to the Los Angeles suburb of Calabasas, California, in 1986, and later Beverly Hills. Kitty struggled to adjust—though even as she preferred to remain in New Jersey, she tried to support her husband. “They used to say about Kitty that she was José with a wig,” an anonymous business associate of José told Vanity Fair in 1990. “She was always very much at his side, part of his vision, dedicated to the cause, whatever the cause was.”
But behind the scenes, Kitty became despondent over José’s infidelity. According to the Times, her former psychologist testified in October 1993 that she became dependent on drugs and alcohol and even suicidal primarily over an eight-year affair between José and a woman in New York. Karen Lamm, a former actor and model who was a self-described friend of Kitty, gave a similar account, telling Vanity Fair that Kitty attempted suicide three times over her husband’s repeated infidelity.
While it’s clear their relationship was a source of tension within the family, the murders of José and Kitty—and subsequent trials of Lyle and Erik—would reveal more disturbing allegations about their behavior.
Editor’s Note: If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts or self-harming behaviors, call or text 988 to get help from the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
Lyle claimed Kitty abused the brothers
Lyle and Erik were arrested for their parents’ murders in March 1990 and charged with first-degree murder in December 1992. During their separate trials, they argued they killed their parents in self-defense after suffering years of sexual abuse, primarily by José but also Kitty.
During his testimony on September 13, 1993, Lyle claimed Kitty invited him to bed and asked him to touch her “everywhere” beginning when he was around age 11 until after he turned 13. He also testified she would frequently appear fully or semi-nude in front of him inside their house.
The elder brother also accused Kitty of physical and psychological abuse, saying she kicked him and dragged him to his room by his hair. He claimed she would punish him by throwing his prized possessions, including stuffed animals, out of his window.
The initial trials for each brother resulted in hung juries. During their joint retrial in 1995, a judge quickly ruled the defense had provided insufficient evidence of José’s alleged abuse—key to their claim of killing in self-defense. A jury ultimately convicted Lyle and Erik on March 21, 1996.
Although there was no physical proof of Kitty’s abuse, a cousin of Erik and Lyle said then-8-year-old Lyle confided in her about José’s molestation in 1976. Diane Vander Molen told ABC News she spoke to Kitty about the admission. “By her demeanor, I could tell that she was not believing any of this,” Vander Molen said. “And [she] went downstairs, and Lyle had already gotten into the bed next to mine, and she went ahead and yanked him by the arm and took him back upstairs, and I never heard anything else about that.”
Sevigny wanted to “bring dignity” to Kitty
A memorial service was held for Kitty and José Menendez on August 25, 1989, in Los Angeles. She is buried alongside her husband at the Princeton Cemetery in New Jersey.
Kitty’s story has been told in multiple dramatic adaptations about the murders, most notably portrayed by Beverly D’Angelo in the 1994 TV movie Menendez: A Killing in Beverly Hills and Courtney Love in 2017’s Menendez: Blood Brothers.
As for Monsters, Sevigny has discussed how the series explores the complexities of Kitty’s marriage to José and the “cycle of abuse” that loomed over her life. “I do want to bring dignity to her, even in her faults, and try to empathize with how she felt about the things that she complains about throughout the show,” Sevigny told Harper’s Bazaar in March 2024. “[She’s talking about] the children taking away the love of her life, and taking away her body, her career, her ambitions. I talk to a lot of women who can find that challenging once they’re mothers.”
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