The Bachelorette recap: Unmade in Mexico
It might be time to riot, rose lovers. Not only did The Bachelorette producers needlessly stretch the Fantasy Suite dates across two episodes without even giving us a rose ceremony, now they're telling us that the finale is going to play out over two more episodes on Sept. 13 and 20! Isn't this a violation of the Geneva Convention? Or at least a betrayal of Bachelor Nation's unending loyalty? Just serve us the drama in one giant dose!
Okay, end of rant. Let's recap!
We pick up right where things ended last night, with Erich standing alone on the little resort bridge after trying to make Gabby feel guilty for having sex with other guys during her Fantasy Suite dates. She walked away frustrated, and now Erich is filled with regret. "I kind of lost trust in us, and her. I got really in my head, and I wish I didn't," he says sadly. "I f---ed up." CORRECT!
Oh, wait — Gabby's coming back. I thought she left his ass for the night. And she's not mad… she's just disappointed. "I think your heart is in the right place," she says. "But I've, like, worked my ass off for there to be, like, no question on making good decisions." Erich blames his behavior on "a moment of insecurity" and offers an actual apology, adding, "I just don't want to lose you at this point."
Will this be enough to earn Gabby's forgiveness? Hard to say. She's still upset and annoyed with Erich the next morning, and it doesn't help that she's running on no sleep. Plus, Gabby still has her overnight date with Jason, and based on what he told Jesse Palmer in Monday's episode — that he's one million percent not ready for an engagement — her Fantasy Suite week is about to go from bad to worse.
The date starts off well enough, with Jason — a former college tennis player — hitting the court with Gabby for a few volleys. It's chill and fun, and Gabby is giggling non-stop and having a great time.
ABC Jason and Gabby
Jason's having fun, too… but there's an asterisk on his happiness. "In the back of my mind, there is this big conversation tonight about the future for us outside of this," he says. But first, a dip in the pool. As they smooch and frolic in the water, producers cut back to Erich moping in his hotel room. (Could Erich really hear Gabby and Jason laughing together from his balcony, or is that just creative sound editing? I'm guessing the latter, but it's fun to pretend, isn't it?)
Ugh, Gabby's date with Jason is going so well. "I am truly falling in love with him," she gushes. "I know my feelings are really strong, and I can definitely see him at the end of this with me." It's very hard to hear her rave about him when we know that he's about to burst her emotional bubble… let's just move on to dinner and get this misery party started.
ABC Dude, what show did you think you were on?
"Obviously, I do know that I'm into you and when I'm with you I feel like I'm having some of the best days ever," says Jason. "I know what the expectation of this is for a lot of people is, like, being engaged and being fully in love. To me, to be like completely transparent and honest, I don't think I'm fully there yet."
Jason's revelation hits Gabby like a punch in the gut.
ABC Oof.
It's a bummer, because everything Jason is saying is perfectly reasonable. This show doesn't give anyone enough time to a) truly fall in love and b) know enough about another person to make a lifelong commitment. But Gabby went into this having fully bought into the "process," and I think she assumed — perhaps foolishly, but also understandably — that any guy who made it this far was also on board with trying to make it work. So, Jason's reasoning is akin to being doused with ice cold water — as is his point that they don't really know each other.
Gabby's on the verge of tears, and she excuses herself to vent to a producer. "To wait this long to hear where he's at definitely hurts," she says, sniffling. "There was a piece of me that wanted him to play along for just a f---ing second, but he can't." Eventually, Jason goes to find Gabby — both to comfort her and to ask her not to give up on them. "Today was a really special day, and a big step in our relationship," he says. "It's something that we can really build on, and I'm excited for that if I can get the chance."
But the Bachelorette isn't convinced. They may have taken a big step in their "relationship," but Jason is still several steps behind where she wants him to be. Is the potential for "a serious relationship" ultimately going to be enough for her? Gabby isn't sure — but she's also not ready to walk away from Jason. Maybe a night away from the cameras and crew will help them figure things out? Let's hope so, because Gabby and Jason are off to the Fantasy Suite to talk things through.
Cut to the next morning:
ABC Love don't sleep here anymore.
Uh-oh. That's not a good sign. Nor is the fact that we find Gabby standing alone at the balcony. "Waking up, I'm hurt, and I'm devastated," she says. Last night, she and Jason spent hours "talking in circles" without ever landing on a resolution. "I was like, 'Maybe it's not meant to be,'" recalls Gabby through tears. "And he was like, 'Yeah, definitely.' Like, when were you going to tell me that?"
The Bachelorette ended up heading back to her own room — and this morning, she's ready to cut things off with Jason for good.
ABC Gabby's fed up.
"You were willing to be here and participate, so I took that as you did at least going somewhere week after week," she says. "But then last night, you're questioning if this is real and [saying] you can't see me in the outside world." Jason is chastened but his position hasn't changed. "I'm sorry," he says. "I genuinely want the best for you and think you're an amazing person." That's cold comfort to Gabby, who informs Jason that she's pretty sure he knew this whole time that it wasn't going to work out between them, but he was too afraid to tell her. "I truly just want you to realize that I've been led on," she says.
With that, Gabby walks back out into the sunshine, wiping away tears. "He never loved me," she sobs. "It's not even that he didn't want an engagement — he didn't want me." Now the Bachelorette is in full spiral mode, weeping about how Johnny didn't want her either. We know that isn't true at all — Johnny very much did want to date Gabby, he just wasn't ready to get engaged, WHICH IS A SMART STANCE TO HAVE AFTER TWO MONTHS.
But Gabby's too emotional to see reason right now, and that's okay. We've all gotten caught in a catastrophizing tailspin after a breakup: No one will ever love me! I'm doomed to die alone! They won't find my body for days and cats will eat my face! Hang in there, Gabs. You'll feel better after a good night's sleep.
Hmmm, I wonder how Rachel's doing right now?
ABC Rachel and Zach
Oh, that's right! She still has one overnight date left. Welcome, Zach! Over tequila and chips, he and Rachel reminisce about her hometown date and talk about how in love Zach's parents still are. Side note: Poor Zach is so, so sweaty:
ABC Zach is feelin' the heat.
Just looking at him makes me want to take a shower. They stroll through the town, perusing souvenir shops and sampling local cuisine. It's all very sweet and cute and touristy, and Rachel knows that Zach "loves" her and wants to get engaged. Though the Tarot card reader told her to let go of the pain of her past, Rachel is still "struggling," because her "connection" with Zach simply isn't as strong as it is with Tino and Aven. Of course, Zach is blissfully unaware of this fact… for now. "From what I could tell from Rachel, I'd like to think I'm the one that's going to be here at the end proposing to her," he predicts. "I'm more than excited."
That night, Rachel admits to Zach that she's been a little stressed out about Fantasy Suite week since that's when everything went haywire on Clayton's season. Zach assures her that he'll never put her "in an uncomfortable position," and his only goal is to enjoy their time together — now and in the future.
You know what time it is, rose lovers!
ABC STOP YELLING, JESSE!
Naturally, Zach accepts Palmer's gracious invitation, and he and Rachel retreat to their deluxe suite for an evening alone. "In the morning, I'm expecting to feel more in love with the future Mrs. Schallcross," he says. "And nothing coming out of this night can change that."
Dammit, Zach! Why'd you have to go and jinx it like that? Because yeah, this isn't the face of a man who had a magical night with his wife-to-be.
ABC The look of love?
The morning-after vibe is, at best, awkward. "We did have a big night and we talked about a lot of things," says Zach. Rachel agrees that they had a "tough conversation" but she's hoping it helped him "gain clarity" about their relationship.
Hmmm… what do you suppose that "tough conversation" was about, rose lovers? "Fantasy Suite night with Rachel was not the night I expected," says Zach. "Rachel brought up her fear that maybe I'm not ready for a commitment like marriage at this early of an age." He brushed it off, telling Rachel that he truly is ready — but the Bachelorette did not back down. "She got really adamant, like, 'Are you ready? Are you sure?'" he recalls. "Rachel's concern came out of nowhere, and I think it's bull---t to be honest. She was putting on a front."
Okay, let me see if I'm getting this right. Zach thought everything was great between them, but then when the cameras were off, Rachel — who is 26 — began raising heretofore unmentioned questions about whether Zach, 25, is truly ready to be married? And she was so aggressive about these doubts, in fact, that Zach wonders if Rachel was just using them to make Zach second-guess his own feelings about her?
Weird, but I suppose it's possible. Rachel admittedly likes Tino and Aven more than Zach, and she's also been open about how hard it's going to be to dump any of the final three guys. So maybe this was her subconscious attempt to get Zach to break things off, so she doesn't have to go through with it. Whatever's going on, Zach is totally beside himself. He goes to see Palmer for a little guidance.
ABC Real men shed tears.
"There were times where I was like, 'She could be my future wife,'" says Zach, wiping away tears. And yet once they were in the Fantasy Suite, Rachel didn't show her "true self," and everything was different. "It was very unauthentic [sic] sometimes," he adds. Palmer listens sympathetically and tries to console him. "I'm sorry, man," he says. "What do you want to do?"
Zach decides that he needs to tell Rachel how hurt and confused he was by their Fantasy Suite conversation. Of course, it's rose ceremony day, so he'll just have to wait and bring it up at the most inopportune moment — for maximum dramatic effect.
It should be an interesting rose ceremony all around, since Zach is freaking out and Gabby only has one man left. Should be fun to how they both handle themselves tonight… Sorry, what's that you say, Palmer?
ABC Uhhh... okay.
Oh, okay. I guess we'll be diving into Rachel and Zach's drama first? The sole Bachelorette is just about to pick up her first rose when Zach interrupts. "Rachel, can we speak?" Though taken aback, she agrees, and Zach leads her outside for a chat.
ABC Guess you'll have to sweat it out a little longer, Tino and Aven.
Guess what, though? We don't get to hear that chat because suddenly it cuts to Gabby, who has decided to track Erich down in his room ahead of the rose ceremony. After a bit of a preamble, the Bachelorette lets Erich know that he's the last man standing. "You've fought for me so much," she says. "You have taught me that it's okay to feel safe and wanted and loved in maybe a way that I haven't [before]. And… you're the only one left."
ABC Awwwww!
Dang it, am I crying? God, I'm such a sucker. Obviously, Erich LOVES it. They share a long embrace. "I love you, Gabby," he murmurs into her neck. Wait, now Gabby's crying? Oh man, just pass me the damn tissues.
Wow, how exciting to go from this romantic reunion to the tense and emotional conversation Zach and Rachel are about to have. Let's listen in... Sorry, what's that you say, Palmer?
ABC Of course we're not.
FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S HOLY! Did Palmer seriously just say that they're cutting the episode short because it was too "emotional," and that we all need to "take a moment and prepare ourselves" for the "shocking" drama to come? Dude, we are prepared! Wine, couch, TV, device to tweet on — what else do we need?
The host goes on to say that producers felt it was "best" to wait until "both Rachel and Gabby and their men could be here to address the drama." In other words, they owe ABC two more episodes, and they need more to fill them with more than just live segments from the Tealight Candle Thunderdome.
Welp, rose lovers, we made it through back-to-back episodes. How are you feeling about everything that went down? What do you think happened between Zach and Rachel during their off-camera time? Are you happy Gabby ended up with Erich (at least for now)? And do you think Rachel looks like a child in a 16th century Danish painting? Post your thoughts below!
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