32 Funniest Lines By Melissa McCarthy

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Whether they're scripted or improvised, Melissa McCarthy knows how to make a funny line entirely her own. The Groundlings alum turned comedic superstar has appeared in some of the best comedy films of late—Bridesmaids, Spy and Can You Ever Forgive Me? among them—as well as beloved television series like Gilmore Girls and Mike & Molly, and she's cranked out some classic one-liners along the way. Whether appearing on TV or in her own funny flicks, these are the 32 funniest lines from Melissa McCarthy.

"It's Coming Out Of Me Like Lava!" - Bridesmaids

The bridal-shop bathroom scene from Bridesmaids is the stuff of comedy legend, boosted by McCarthy's hilarious physical comedy and desperate yelling as her character Megan Price deals with the after-effects of some lunchtime mystery meat. In a cast of comedy greats, McCarthy is an absolute stand-out.

"You're A Loud Kisser, And It's Gross And Unappealing. You Look Like Some Old Toothless Woman Suckin' The Jelly Out Of A Donut." - Spy

There are many things to love about the 2015 action-comedy film Spy but our favorite is getting to watch Melissa McCarthy and Rose Byrne brutally and brilliantly insult each other as secret agent Susan Cooper and arms dealer Rayna Boyanov, respectively.

"14 Dollars? Is It Magic Whiskey? Do I Get A Motorcycle With It? Is It Gonna Be Served In Jesus's Shoe?" - The Heat

In the 2013 buddy cop comedy The Heat, Melissa McCarthy played the gun-toting firebrand Shannon Mullins opposite Sandra Bullock's strait-laced special agent Sarah Ashburn. One of the funniest scenes from the comedy sees Mullins loosen Ashburn up with some very overpriced rounds of whiskey shots.

"I Just Want To Be Upfront And Say I Visually Enjoy You." - Identity Thief

Melissa McCarthy and Jason Bateman are the drivers behind the mismatched buddy road trip comedy Identity Thief, which sees the comedienne play a Florida-based female con artist who not only steals the identity of Bateman's Sandy Patterson but also tortures him with her come-ons and car singalongs.

"That's Not Chicken. I Don't Know What It Is, But It's Not Bird...Bird Doesn't Come Out Of A Squeezy Tube!" - Tammy

We don't see Tammy—McCarthy's character in the 2014 road comedy Tammy—winning "Employee of the Year" at Topper Jack's, the fast-food joint where she works. After getting fired for her frequent tardiness, Tammy loudly and disgruntledly reveals to the restaurant's customers that the chicken nuggets they're eating are definitely "not bird."

"I'm Glad He's Single Because I'm Going To Climb That Like A Tree." - Bridesmaids

While at the engagement party for her brother Dougie (Tim Heidecker) and her soon-to-be sister-in-law Lillian (Maya Rudolph), McCarthy's Megan seemingly has love—or at least a hook-up—on the brain, as she hilariously overshares to Kristen Wiig's Annie.

“I’ve Already Gone Through The Five Stages Of Grieving: Denial, Anger…I Don’t Remember These Two But They Were Served On The Rocks With Salt!” - Gilmore Girls

One of the best episodes of Gilmore Girls is Season 3's "Deep-Fried Korean Thanksgiving," in which Lorelai (Lauren Graham) and Rory (Alexis Bledel) feast their way through a whopping four holiday dinners. The funniest scene finds Sookie (McCarthy) nursing several drinks to deal with the horror of her husband deep-frying not only the Thanksgiving turkey but everything at the table, including the napkins.

"I Want To Apologize. I'm Not Even Confident On Which End That Came Out Of." - Bridesmaids

The only thing funnier than Bridesmaids' Megan Price dealing with simultaneous burps and farts is that she does so in full formalwear and, as the bridal-shop worker horrifyingly realizes, while standing on a white carpet.

"Crying A Little, But Not Blubbering. That's What We Meant When We Said No Crying. No Blubbering." - Gilmore Girls

Sookie's reaction to Rory graduating high school in Season 3 of Gilmore Girls was equal parts silly and sweet—the sentiment was clearly heartfelt but the over-the-top waterworks happening on McCarthy's face were downright hilarious.

"I Took Nine. I Took Nine. Yeah, I Did Slightly Overcommit To The Whole Dog Thing. It Turns Out I'm Probably More Comfortable With Six." - Bridesmaids

We really can't blame Megan (McCarthy) for secretly snagging more than one "party favor"—i.e. an adorable Labrador puppy—from Lilian's (Maya Rudolph) bridal shower. Just look at how cute they are in their little bowties!

"Female Fight Club. We Grease Up, We Pull In. Lillian Doesn't Know, So it's, 'Surprise! We're going to fight!'" - Bridesmaids

Compared to the usual bachelorette party ideas—you know, a Las Vegas weekend, a trip to a luxurious spa, and so on—Megan's idea of a "female fight club" was clearly a bit more unorthodox than the ladies of Bridesmaids had in mind. They may have shut down her idea but at least it gave us one of the best lines from the beloved comedy.

"I'd Like To Rear Up And Jackknife My Legs And Kick You Both In The Jaw With My Foot Bone!" - This Is 40

Any scene populated by the likes of Melissa McCarthy, Paul Rudd, and Leslie Mann is going to be ridiculously funny, and that's certainly the case for this hilariously hostile principal's office meeting in This is 40. The only thing better is the bloopers!

"I Swear To God, That Dolphin Looked, Not At Me, But Into My Soul, Into My Goddamn Soul, Annie. And He Said, 'I'm Saving You Megan.' Not With His Mouth, But He Said It, I'm Assuming, Telepathically." - Bridesmaids

McCarthy's Bridesmaids character has had quite a life, from working for the U.S. government to knowing the nuclear codes, but Megan's revelation that she had a spiritual experience with a dolphin after falling off a cruise ship might just be the wildest backstory we've heard in a while.

"Oh My God, Rayna. Thank God Your Hair Broke Your Fall." - Spy

With the sheer amount of hair that Rose Byrne sports in Spy—director Paul Feig described it to Vulture as an "elaborate Marie Antoinette–meets–Donald Trump" 'do that was "the most complicated hairstyle" he'd ever seen in his life—we're not surprised that it served as the subject of one of Melissa McCarthy's funniest quotes.

"It Was A Terrible Resume. He Mentioned Prison, And In Special Skills He Said, 'Keeping It Real.'" - The Heat

Only a comedian as gifted as Melissa McCarthy could make a scene about a family tragedy—in this case, her character's brother entering a coma in The Heat, which prompts her to reminisce about her bro's less-than-stellar CV—have as much humor as heart.

"You Were A Good Cake, Clyde. I Never Should Have Named You." - Gilmore Girls

McCarthy's Gilmore Girls character Sookie St. James was known for both her bubbly enthusiasm and serious culinary skills. Both traits were clearly on display while the chef was whipping up a wedding cake for her BFF Lorelai (Lauren Graham), only for the latter to end up canceling the nuptials. R.I.P. Clyde!

"I'm Just Looking For A Reasonable Ratio Of Wontons To Soup, This Is Madness!" - Ghostbusters

We love that for Ghostbusters' Abby Yates (McCarthy), an unsatisfactory soup ratio is dubbed "madness," especially in a movie where the physicist is regularly dealing with paranormal encounters and multidimensional vortexes.

"Raise your right hand and say, 'May Destiny's Child break up if I count these blueberries.'" - Gilmore Girls

We love the prickly friendship between inn coworkers Sookie (McCarthy) and Michel (Yanic Truesdale) in Gilmore Girls, especially when Michel is on one of his super strict diets and Sookie is hilariously tempting him with a freshly made sweet treat.

"I Tried A Dorito For The First Time Last Night. It Wasn't Cheese. It Was... Cheese Adjacent, But Not Cheese. It Was Really Good!" - The Boss

A Dorito is a pretty standard snack for the majority of us, but for Michelle Darnell (McCarthy)—a mega-wealthy woman who, after being arrested and losing her fortune, is forced to sell scout cookies to fix her finances—it's an exciting foray into the lower classes.

"This Car Makes Me Ovulate. I Want To Have Shiny Purple Lamborghini Babies." - Thunder Force

There are plenty of cool gadgets in Thunder Force, the 2021 Netflix superhero comedy starring Melissa McCarthy and her IRL BFF Octavia Spencer as an unlikely crime-fighting superhero duo working to stop a rise of supervillains known as Miscreants. But it's a shiny muscle car that had McCarthy's character drooling and movie audiences cracking up.

"I Want To Chime In And Be Supportive, But I Don't Know What You're Talking About." - Gilmore Girls

Those Gilmore gals were known for their fast-talking, which Melissa McCarthy praised of her co-star Lauren Graham—they were heavily caffeinated for seven straight seasons, after all—so it's not that surprising that every once in a while, Sookie would glaze over while listening to her best friend Lorelai speed-ramble.

"You Touched My Upper Breast...I Have Very High Nipples!" - This Is 40

In one memorable scene from This is 40, Peter (Paul Rudd) gets into an argument with Catherine (Melissa McCarthy) about her tween son, whom she claims was bullied by Peter's wife (Leslie Mann). Soon the discussion devolves into insults, threats and awkwardly placed pokes that, according to Catherine, were not on her shoulder after all.

"That Makes Me So Mad And So Sad. I'm Smad!" - Gilmore Girls

When chef Sookie (McCarthy) gets the news from Lorelai (Lauren Graham) that the inn's big Bracebridge Dinner is off because the group is stuck in Chicago due to bad weather, she's hilariously left dealing with a wide range of emotions.

"You Wanna Get Back In That Restroom And Not Rest?" - Bridesmaids

Megan's attempted mid-flight seduction of her seatmate Air Marshall John in Bridesmaids is all the funnier when you realize that John is played by Melissa McCarthy's real-life husband and frequent collaborator Ben Falcone.

"Oh God, Your Beard Smells Like Sandwiches, That's Nice." - Identity Thief

During their hijinks-filled road trip in Identity Thief, Sandy (Jason Bateman) comes upon Diana (McCarthy) at a bar drunkenly cozying up to a cowboy-hatted fella known simply as Big Chuck (Eric Stonestreet), whose dance moves and sandwich-scented facial hair sparked her fancy.

"I'm Here To Swallow Gum And I'm Here To Take Names!" - Saturday Night Live

SNL's presidential impersonations are legendary, but we have a soft spot for the POTUS-adjacent impression that McCarthy whipped up in Season 42 as Sean Spicer, the White House Communications Director under President Donald Trump. Her version saw the former press secretary riding a motorized podium, wearing high heels and chewing ridiculous amounts of bubblegum.

"Not Me, Nope, Physically, I Don't Bloat." - Bridesmaids

Fellow bridesmaid Helen (Rose Byrne) might not like the idea of eating such a big lunch before a dress fitting but Megan (McCarthy) hilariously claims that she doesn't have to worry about bloating, even as she feasts her way through worryingly grey meat.

"I'll Shut The Door On You. Will You Lay Down Here And Put Your Head In The Door? Then I'll Slam It About 157 Thousand Times." - The Heat

Though they end up being good partners in The Heat, the initial meeting between Detective Shannon Mullins (McCarthy) and Special Agent Sarah Ashburn (Sandra Bullock) is less than chummy, with Shannon less than enthused about Sarah taking over the interrogation of one of her perps.

"This Isn't Funny! I Am Now Desperate, Lonely And A Criminal!" - Gilmore Girls

Chef Sookie's romance with produce vendor Jackson Belleville (Jackson Douglas) is one of the sweetest parts of Gilmore Girls, but their relationship kicked off on a funny note with this first-date freakout, in which Sookie worried that her simply asking Jackson out was akin to sexual harassment.

"Her Lady Business Is Like An Old Dirty Attic Full Of Broken Christmas Lights And Doll Shoes." - The Heat

When Shannon (McCarthy) had to turn down Robin's (Andy Buckley) advances in The Heat, she assured him, "There's a girl out there for you," and offered up Special Agent Sarah Ashburn (Sandra Bullock) as an alternative—but, of course, not before fully making fun of her.

"It's so romantic. 'Oh Romeo...blah blah blah and the blah." - Gilmore Girls

Sookie St. James (McCarthy) may know her way around a professional kitchen but may be a little fuzzy on Shakespeare's literary repertoire, as seen in the Gilmore Girls Season 2 episode where Rory (Alexis Bledel) is tasked with portraying Juliet in her school's play.

"Quiet! I love you, too, now get out." - Mike & Molly

After meeting at an Overeaters Anonymous meeting, Mike (Billy Gardell) and Molly (McCarthy) kick off a romantic relationship throughout the first season of their eponymous CBS sitcom. That culminates with a proposal that takes place right in front of Molly's class of eight-year-olds, which adds a welcome dose of comedy to the sweet moment.