16 SWFL restaurant trends, issues, bad habits our critic wants to bid adieu to in 2024 - JLB
Though cheer and merriment envelop the holiday season, JLB instead continues channeling Seinfeld’s Frank Costanza’s annual Festivus celebration.
And so do our readers.
What’s making us so grumpy about area restaurants?
Quite a bit.
Several weeks ago via our SWFL Eats newsletter, I revealed my bêtes noires and asked readers to chime in with theirs.
Et voila, le list of restaurant grievances.
For starters
Faux grand openings: The day a restaurant charges full freight for your fare, they are open for business. My inbox received several ceremonious grand opening announcements in 2023 on places I had already written about in a favorable light months earlier.
Similarly, I read in another media outlet about a new restaurant opening Dec. 6. When trying to make a reservation, I was informed by the owner that the day was for members only. Alas, JLB is among the hoi polloi sans the $7,500 fee at her disposal and waited two weeks to visit. Anonymously.
“Hi guys”: Though it shocked me most at Bleu Provence some time ago, it still happens all too frequently around town. Whatever happened to a simple “welcome” or “good afternoon/evening” or “please follow me”?
I am not a guy.
And don’t call me dear either; it’s super condescending.
Party of one? NDN features editor Dave Osborn shares his annoyance when restaurant greeters ask, “Just one?” or “Only one?” when dining solo. His suggested alternative: “Will anyone else be joining you today?”
Ambiguous parking and parking lots: I’ve headed to Mercato quite a bit lately and can’t quite figure out which garage areas require a fee or how to pay them. My other car-related gripe (not Mercato-related): Hedges too high in a parking lot, making it tricky to see other cars darting around.
No fly zone: When lunching with colleagues near the office to welcome our new intern, one who didn't finish her lunch asked for a box to pack what remained. In the midst of scooping her sandwich and chips, a fly ? stuck to her plate and buried there the entire duration of her meal ? was revealed. How is it possible the kitchen didn't notice this when plating her dish? And yet, this pizza joint has not failed a health inspection since 2019.
Similarly, when stopping by a new East Naples restaurant to take photos, I interrupted the chef-owner in the midst of his lunch. He insisted on having me try a bit of his dish, then proffered a plate with a streaky caked-on, unidentifiable something.
No thanks.
At your service
“No problem”: Why not a simple “you’re welcome, the proper reply to a thank you” as sent in by reader Helene Dorazio. My peeves include the variations “you’re fine” and “no problemo.”
Gimmicks: Faux speakeasies (Prohibition ended 90 years ago) and what I dub "con-fusion" restaurants, where perplexing meal mashups (Italian-Asian, German and lobster rolls?) present two opportunities to get it wrong.
QR menu codes at sit-down restaurants: Where’s the personalization with that? And if I’m removing a layer of service, why does the tip prompt still ask for 20% or more?
Two great suggestions from reader Teresa Hiatt pertain to a scarcity of suitable seating and shellfish.
“We are not elderly, but we are past the point that high-top tables with our feet dangling in midair are comfortable. And we often see small children perched high above the concrete floor slip off those bistro chairs. Both Margaritaville and Sunseekers seem to have listened, and have a good mix of tables,” she said via email.
“One of our favorite places to get food and drinks and listen to music was Paradise Tiki at Dolphin Key Resort. They replaced all the comfortable tables and chairs under the tiki with little four-top high-tops, and now you can only sit outside away from the music.”
Point No. 2: “Why must you serve shrimp in a hot dish with the little pieces of tail shell still on the shrimp? What a pain in the fork it is to try to get it off without losing the meat in the tail. You are already removing most of the shell in the kitchen, why not make a clean sweep of it and allow me to eat my meal in peace without having to pull inedible slivers of shell out of it? If they are peel-and-eat shrimp (usually served cold so you can grab them without burning your fingers), that’s fine, but in a shrimp scampi or shrimp and grits? It makes no sense.”
An enthusiastic yes to both. When lunching with friends recently, I ordered a pasta dish with shrimp. Somehow a tail shell was in the mix. Removing it in a dignified way proved impossible.
Plate clearing: As a slow eater, I relate to reader Terri Woodside who shared, “For years, I've been frustrated if someone begins to clear the table when it's obvious I'm still eating. The only times this has not happened is in very expensive restaurants. They seem to ensure their staff is well trained on dining etiquette.”
Restaurants at all price points, please take note.
Is everything okay?: Servers mean well, but if I haven’t taken a bite quite mere seconds after you’ve placed our dishes on the table, how would I know? Give me a minute before asking.
Smothering sauces: Fred from MN finds frustration with fish (try saying that three times fast): “Sometimes I wonder which fish I actually got since the sauces are so abundant and overpowering. It’s difficult to taste the fish, let alone identify it. I’ve generally stopped ordering fish on Third and Fifth for that reason. I’m from Minnesota and we like to taste our walleye.”
Plate reaching: It’s not Pilates class. I am clumsy enough without having to worry about a server stretching to clear plates and glasses. Another gripe? Plates placed near and over the table’s edge. Spill-proof is my phrase du jour.
Canned mushrooms: We are privileged to have amazing mushroom growers nearby, including Care2Grow and Stropharia. When I see and taste canned mushrooms, especially topping pizza or in Asian food, it makes me wonder where else the kitchen is skimping.
Holiday lights map: Take a tour of displays in Naples, Bonita Springs, Marco Island
Before paying that check
Tipping: On Dec. 3, one of Sunday's Letters to the Editor from reader Michael Zubrow hit home. I suspect the “not a high-end spot” he declined to name may be one I reviewed early in 2023, citing the same starting 22% tip suggestion, going upward to 25% and then 28%. 20% didn’t even pop up, nor did a printed bill to review before paying. The restaurant in question: Cracklin’ Jacks, where I knew my server’s kid’s name, church, wedding caterer, rehab/recovery center all before seeing a menu. What didn’t she share? Menu choices incurring an upcharge. Appropriate cutlery would have been helpful too.
That experience still tees me off.
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This article originally appeared on Naples Daily News: SW FL Restaurant Festivus: Bothersome trends, issues and bad habits
