Why I Spent the Summer in the Shade

Staying in the shade has its benefits. (Photo: Ben Ritter / Makeup: Bobbi Brown / Hair: Joseph DiMaggio / Styling: Noelle Sciacca)

Like many Americans, I spent my summer seizing any opportunity to get away. This year yielded an impressive two trips to Miami, two long weekends in my seaside New England hometown, and a week at the Jersey shore. But unlike most travelers, my skin is the same pale shade it was all winter. And yes, it’s deliberate.

As a kid, I spent every summer day swimming during peak sun hours, going from pool to beach to lake. I couldn’t imagine anything better than waterskiing, boogie boarding, or playing Marco Polo. My mom slathered my fair skin with Coppertone 30 or higher. She downgraded her own more olive complexion to an SPF of 15 or 10 or even 4 by season’s end while I seethed with jealousy. If I wasn’t careful, I’d turn lobster red and be destined to a blistered body covered in sticky aloe. But then I learned a sneaky trick: Once I suffered through an initial sunburn, I could eventually build up a tan if I spent long enough frying.

My teen and college years turned into an unofficial tanning contest: Who will be the tannest on the first day of school? I remember my first day of my sophomore year of high school — nervous and wanting to look my best I singed my shoulders so badly that it hurt to wear my backpack. I fried myself lounging on every beach, patio, or patch of grass in the park at every chance I got in an effort to achieve half the tan my friends did with little effort. On family vacation, my brother would beckon me into the water to play, but I held out for as long as possible, sweating under the sun with a book in hand.

Then one summer after college my dad was diagnosed with melanoma. It made no sense. My mom was the one who took my brother and I on all our beach and pool excursions while my dad rarely spent summer days in the sun. It turned out he has dysplastic nevus syndrome aka atypical mole syndrome, which has led to numerous biopsies and surgical removal of the mole and surrounding margins of tissue — recently a chunk of flesh out of his calf. Thankfully, with regularly testing, my father has caught several atypical moles early and never required chemo or anything more debilitating. But as someone who never worshipped the sun, it seemed so unfair. It also petrified me about the damage I’d done to my skin and instantly filled me with regret.

With a fair complexion and a growing collection of my own moles, I was scared to get checked and thought I was far too young to be diagnosed. But after an allergic reaction landed me in the derm’s office I was asked if I wanted to get a routine check. A quick scan of my body had the doctor worried, and he scraped off a mole on my stomach on the spot. Sure enough I had dysplastic nevi as well.

A few years and a few more atypical mole removals later, I am happily safe for now, but I do spend summers in fear of sufficient coverage. I wear SPF 30 on my face every day of the year, and on my arms and legs in the summer even if I’m just heading to work. On beach days I’ll reapply SPF 50 head to toe every hour or so, wearing sunglasses, a hat, and a cover-up whenever possible. While I love the idea of using chemical free SPF, I know that zinc washes off quickly in water, so I frequently double up with a chemical sunscreen and a physical blocker on top. (Kate Somerville, Sun Bum, La Roche-Posay, and Avene are my go-to brands for long days outdoors and I got an awesome SPF-infused top from Land’s End) Yes, it takes time and effort, but protecting myself from the sun is no different from staying hydrated or getting enough sleep. It’s mandatory.

I guess you could say I’ve seen the light — and learned the importance of avoiding it. When I gave up the sun, I also tossed all my fake tanner and bronzer, making a conscious decision to not only embrace but love my pale skin. I no longer associate a sunkissed look with “healthy.” Nowadays when I see people lying out at the beach all day I actually shudder. I don’t want to judge anyone, but I do hope to educate people on the values of sun protection and living in the way that best suits your body. I should never have forced a tan. I am not someone who should spend hours in the sun or achieve a golden glow. Instead, my new goal is to keep my skin cancer-free — and, OK, hopefully devoid of wrinkles — while I sit comfortably in the shade.

Related:

The Best Sunscreen For Your Face

The Pale Girl’s Bronzer

I Just Found Out I Have Rosacea—at 33